I came here because I wanted to do something really drastic. I needed help making an extreme decision. I didn't know what that decision was, but I felt I needed to do it, so I came here to try and figure it out.
My brain thought "Okay, I'll make some posts. I'll write to myself. I'll figure this out, and we'll see where it goes." Then people make a couple comments that really make me think. It's like "Oh wait, these people seem to understand what is going on." So then I don't know what to do.
Then I realize the drastic decision I need to make. I had someone I really cared about, but she could never be like me. I had to completely separate myself and not even let myself see her anymore. I think that must fix it. That's the decision I needed to make.
So then I figure "Well time to move on then. I figured out what I needed to do. I got rid of that person. It hurts me a lot. I'm really sad about it, but it had to be done. I moved on from that. I need to figure out how to move on from this." That's what I figure.
Something just doesn't sit right with me though. I'm not use to being so noticed. I'm not used to people understanding me. I'm not used to really understanding people in a personal way. I don't get why that happens here. Maybe it has been a fluke. You know I thought she was real, but I think she just liked playing me for a fool.
I don't know. Maybe she was real, but she could still never really be like me. Not after what I saw. There's no way, but I don't know. I really am not even seeing anything here. It's just like something is happening here. I don't get it. It doesn't make sense.
I need time. I need time to set up my ideas and follow through with them. I need time to make transitions. My way of processing, it can't happen all at once. I need cycles, so I keep trying to start a cycle here, but people come in and interrupt it. They change the direction. I can't follow through with what I thought I was going to do.
I had no idea I was going to leave. I knew she felt bad for me. I had some notion of thought that this wasn't good. Still I couldn't see it. Then a couple of ideas pop up here that helped me see. Things keep popping up here, and it keeps making me change.
Maybe that will stop. So many times people feel a lot at the beginning, but then I go back to being unnoticed soon enough. Then I can continue my process and follow through with an exit. I think so.
It's this pain from focus. It's so hard to focus. I don't know what I need to focus on. I know what society wants me to focus on, but I feel like society wants to keep me blind from what is actually happening. They lie to me about what is important, but I don't know what is true myself.
That's the pain. I don't know where I need to look to.
Okay, well I think I get my transition now. I have to follow through with this later if things don't get interrupted and through me in for a mess again. But it's okay. I don't know what I am doing anyways, so either way it's a mess I suppose. Yeah, okay… well I am sorry I had to leave you. I really want to be wrong. It would suck if that was right for me to do. I don't want what I saw to be what was true about you. I really want to be wrong. Bye.
My brain thought "Okay, I'll make some posts. I'll write to myself. I'll figure this out, and we'll see where it goes." Then people make a couple comments that really make me think. It's like "Oh wait, these people seem to understand what is going on." So then I don't know what to do.
Then I realize the drastic decision I need to make. I had someone I really cared about, but she could never be like me. I had to completely separate myself and not even let myself see her anymore. I think that must fix it. That's the decision I needed to make.
So then I figure "Well time to move on then. I figured out what I needed to do. I got rid of that person. It hurts me a lot. I'm really sad about it, but it had to be done. I moved on from that. I need to figure out how to move on from this." That's what I figure.
Something just doesn't sit right with me though. I'm not use to being so noticed. I'm not used to people understanding me. I'm not used to really understanding people in a personal way. I don't get why that happens here. Maybe it has been a fluke. You know I thought she was real, but I think she just liked playing me for a fool.
I don't know. Maybe she was real, but she could still never really be like me. Not after what I saw. There's no way, but I don't know. I really am not even seeing anything here. It's just like something is happening here. I don't get it. It doesn't make sense.
I need time. I need time to set up my ideas and follow through with them. I need time to make transitions. My way of processing, it can't happen all at once. I need cycles, so I keep trying to start a cycle here, but people come in and interrupt it. They change the direction. I can't follow through with what I thought I was going to do.
I had no idea I was going to leave. I knew she felt bad for me. I had some notion of thought that this wasn't good. Still I couldn't see it. Then a couple of ideas pop up here that helped me see. Things keep popping up here, and it keeps making me change.
Maybe that will stop. So many times people feel a lot at the beginning, but then I go back to being unnoticed soon enough. Then I can continue my process and follow through with an exit. I think so.
It's this pain from focus. It's so hard to focus. I don't know what I need to focus on. I know what society wants me to focus on, but I feel like society wants to keep me blind from what is actually happening. They lie to me about what is important, but I don't know what is true myself.
That's the pain. I don't know where I need to look to.
Okay, well I think I get my transition now. I have to follow through with this later if things don't get interrupted and through me in for a mess again. But it's okay. I don't know what I am doing anyways, so either way it's a mess I suppose. Yeah, okay… well I am sorry I had to leave you. I really want to be wrong. It would suck if that was right for me to do. I don't want what I saw to be what was true about you. I really want to be wrong. Bye.
