Venting I don't feel like a person.

[kohaku]

I hate being uncertain about death.

I feel so goddamn empty. Losing people over and over again. Now even as I have people who care, I wonder what's the point of it all. I don't know if I'm ever going to kill myself, but I've done so much research and written notes. I kind of don't want to. I want to live. But...

The satisfaction that people should feel when accomplishing things? Being themselves? I never really felt it. It's like I'm incapable of feeling satisfied with myself. I've always needed someone to do it for me. But people come and go. I can never keep friends for long because my mind just won't shut up. My parents and my environment growing up totally ruined my self-esteem and even though I'm aware of this I don't know if I'll ever get it back.

I'm feeling like I'm back in time again. Alone and lost in thought. I hate feeling empty like this but I have been for years now. I don't have it in me to be positive anymore since my last few relationships fell apart. I wish I could, because I really just want to make people happy... I feel like I only exist to make others happy, because I feel meaningless if I don't. I just don't care about myself as a person.

I'm a coward who can't make the big step. I have someone who's willing to help me financially, but I haven't gone through with it yet. I don't know if I will. I'm stuck.

I don't want advice. I guess I just wanted to vent.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

The certainty of death and the uncertainty of when or how death will come makes our life interesting, doesn't it? At least, you have the will to live, as long as you have that you will live to exercise your will. It's good to vent, rather than keep those thoughts and feelings pent-up. Your will will find a way to find a way to that satisfaction, fullness, positivity, happiness and meaning of life that you don't know or have right now. Sometimes we just have to keep going even if we don't know where we are going.... on a road where people come and go. This isn't advice, I'm also venting. :-)

 

[c824767]

you need a voice. venting here is good. Be aware of other opportunities to share your view of the world which I assume is negative, but then I do not understand people who do not see the glaring negative events everywhere that are almost reminiscent of the Middle Ages, rape war torture annihilation poverty refugeeism criminal intent, cartells, corruption, blatantly inhumane capitalism. That is why I want to die. But first of all I want everyone to know how I see this planet.

 

[Jean4]

We understand how you are feeling and the confusion. Come here and talk it out.

 

[Return2Dust]

I hate being uncertain about death.

I feel so goddamn empty. Losing people over and over again. Now even as I have people who care, I wonder what's the point of it all. I don't know if I'm ever going to kill myself, but I've done so much research and written notes. I kind of don't want to. I want to live. But...

The satisfaction that people should feel when accomplishing things? Being themselves? I never really felt it. It's like I'm incapable of feeling satisfied with myself. I've always needed someone to do it for me. But people come and go. I can never keep friends for long because my mind just won't shut up. My parents and my environment growing up totally ruined my self-esteem and even though I'm aware of this I don't know if I'll ever get it back.

I'm feeling like I'm back in time again. Alone and lost in thought. I hate feeling empty like this but I have been for years now. I don't have it in me to be positive anymore since my last few relationships fell apart. I wish I could, because I really just want to make people happy... I feel like I only exist to make others happy, because I feel meaningless if I don't. I just don't care about myself as a person.

I'm a coward who can't make the big step. I have someone who's willing to help me financially, but I haven't gone through with it yet. I don't know if I will. I'm stuck.

I don't want advice. I guess I just wanted to vent.

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I can so relate. The more people share, the less alone and unique I feel.