I don't even know you but...

[WaitingForTheBus]

I've been a member of various forums over the years, form discussing sports to arcade machines to dogs. However, I never felt as welcome or as much as part of the "family" as what I do on here.

For a bunch of crazies that just want to kill themselves, there seems to be a lot of nice, genuine, supportive people around here. If only we could have local SS meet ups, a family get together if you like. Just maybe so many of us wouldn't be so lonely and feel like we're different or outcasts. It may even mean that we lose members for a different reason other than death.

I know why we are all here and what our end goal is, yet I feel saddened when another member decides it is their turn to ctb. I feel like we are losing a part of our little family. In some way, I wish that there was something I could do. At the very least, I wish I could be there with you when you ctb, just hold your hand or comfort you so you know that you are not alone in what would be a very difficult time.

 

[nzdarkshark]

This is so sweet.

It is like a family in a way - or at least I feel.
I feel closer to people here than I do to my family - it's kinda sad.
I know that even though I'll most likely be alone when I ctb - I have this forum's support of whatever decision I take until the very last second..and beyond...

 

[your pathologist]

I would definitely be saddened to see many prominent members here I've gotten close to ctb. Theres been a few friends I've made here and even though I know their struggle its gunna be hard to think that little piece of joy will be gone from my life as well.
Bittersweet..

 

[TiredHorse]

Agreed. I've been here not even a week, and I already feel closer to people here than I've known for years IRL.

Another ss member and I were PMing, joking about how there ought to be a "hook-ups" section on ss, just because it was so unbelievably relaxing to be able to discuss anything, including wanting to ctb, without worrying about freaking the other person out or having it in the back of our head that the entire encounter was pointless because of this element of us we needed to hide. As soon as any other "date" knew we wanted to ctb, they'd be out the door. Here, the elephant in the room has been given a seat at the table and a martini, and he's inspiring good and compassionate conversation.

I admit that I have trouble wishing people "safe travels," because I'm sad I won't see them around any more. I know it's important to let them walk their own path --more important than any other decision!-- but I'm selfish, I do still wish I could help them find a joy in life because I have come to take comfort from their role in my life.

 

[your pathologist]

because I have come to take comfort from their role in my life.

Well said

 

[Sickofit]

Legit though, it is a family. Sometimes i feel very warm and happy when i get a reply to one of my threads, or a like on a post. Warma my heart massively knowing people care for me.

 

[your pathologist]

Legit though, it is a family. Sometimes i feel very warm and happy when i get a reply to one of my threads, or a like on a post. Warma my heart massively knowing people care for me.

Dopamine alert high

 

[Sickofit]

Dopamine alert high

Toooo high! especially for a site youd think is for lunatics that wanna die.

 

[your pathologist]

Toooo high! especially for a site youd think is for lunatics that wanna die.

High on SS alerts

 

[Sickofit]

Di

High on SS alerts

Personally didnt interpret 'high' in that way, but thats alright!

 

[your pathologist]

Di

Personally didnt interpret 'high' in that way, but thats alright!

Ehhhh pick your poison
Somethings are as good as drugs
You just said TooHigh and I thought of the song and giggled

 

[Sickofit]

Ehhhh pick your poison
Somethings are as good as drugs
You just said TooHigh and I thought of the song and giggled

Never tried drugs but i do, u got any reccomendations, i was thinking shrooms.

 

[your pathologist]

Never tried drugs but i do, u got any reccomendations, i was thinking shrooms.

Shrooms can be pretty scary if you have mental conflict... can definitely make things seem a lot worse... in my opinion.

I'd try weed.. a little less mind altering
Hallucinogens are for happy people not prone to nightmares either while sleeping or while awake.....

 

[Sickofit]

Shrooms can be pretty scary if you have mental conflict... can definitely make things seem a lot worse... in my opinion.

I'd try weed.. a little less mind altering
Hallucinogens are for happy people not prone to nightmares either while sleeping or while awake.....

Oh ok, can weed make you schizofrenic though, thats my fear.

 

[your pathologist]

Oh ok, can weed make you schizofrenic though, thats my fear.

I know some people say that prolonged excessive use can make mental illness worse... in my experience if I'm feeling unstable I cannot smoke and sometimes dont for months at a time because sometimes it's too hard to control my thoughts and it freaks me out.
It doesnt cause schizophrenia
That's just not true

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so catch a bus with me maybe?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Never tried drugs but i do, u got any reccomendations, i was thinking shrooms.

MDMA with a friend and you will most likely have the best day of your life (I am not exaggerating)

 

[Sickofit]

MDMA with a friend and you will most likely have the best day of your life (I am not exaggerating)

Can it be dangerous thougj, is microdosing safer?

 

[TiredHorse]

i was thinking shrooms.

I microdosed with shrooms for three months over the summer. Un-freakin'-believable how much they helped my anxiety. I'd be doing them now except I developed a high enough tolerance they stopped doing any good. And I got hammered by more bad news.

Seriously, if you have any hesitations about ctb, and anxiety, and are open to something new, I cannot recommend microdosing shrooms too highly. They are awesome.

 

[worldexploder]

I feel the same way. I've never been surrounded by so many kind and understanding people in a forum. It does feel like a family. You don't get all the trivial bullshit here that you would find on other sites. Probably because everyone here knows what REAL pain is!

Wanna find the real crazies? Go to Facebook.

 

[Sickofit]

I microdosed with shrooms for three months over the summer. Un-freakin'-believable how much they helped my anxiety. I'd be doing them now except I developed a high enough tolerance they stopped doing any good. And I got hammered by more bad news.

Seriously, if you have any hesitations about ctb, and anxiety, and are open to something new, I cannot recommend microdosing shrooms too highly. They are awesome.

Hmmmm i might give it a go, thanks for the reply!

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Can it be dangerous thougj, is microdosing safer?

You can´t microdose MDMA. If you are looking for a good time try MDMA but you can also listen to @Sickofit I have read promising stuff about microdosing either schrooms or LSD.

You can read about MDMA yourself if you want to try it or PM me but there really isn´t much danger by using MDMA in a responsible amount like 100-200mg the biggest danger is overheating if you do it in a club and do not drink water, you can also get water intoxication from drinking too much water but that is like if you drink 6+ liters. And you should always test your drugs with test kits but you should do that with any drug anyways. But anyways feel free to PM me if you have some questions MDMA isn´t as bad as the media make it out to be just to give you an idea here is a comment from a Youtube video about MDMA/XTC and it´s pretty accurate "26 deaths in MDMA last year 8,697 death with alcohol last year" and last I checked deaths from MDMA in the US it was 56 in a year but only 2 of those deaths were caused by an overdose (taking too much) the rest was water intoxication or dehydration. btw: I am doing MDMA maybe next week only 100mg the lowest dose I have ever tried and you have to take 500-1000mg in a night to OD. There is a documented case of a small teenage girl taking 500mg MDMA at once and died but you shouldn´t exceed over 200-250mg tops in one night anyways, remember you can die of alcohol too like if you down a bottle vodka in one go or 10 grams of caffeine I believe is the lethal dose. Every drug has a safe and lethal dose.

Sorry for my rambling I am pretty passionate about safe use of drugs all drugs not just the ones that the government has given us permission to use legally.

 

[Schopenhauer]

This place is very welcoming and nonjudgmental. People don't require you to justify yourself. And self-pity is not frowned upon. Plus, we can openly discuss suicide methods and strategies.

With that said, if there was a physical meet-up, I wouldn't show. I'm too withdrawn, I'd never be able to discuss anything openly.

 

[TiredHorse]

You can´t microdose MDMA.

Truth. You can't microdose ketamine, either.

Shrooms were my choice --they grow wild on a friend's shed roof and he supplies me for free-- and I occasionally alternated with very dilute LSD. LSD was a lot rougher on my system, even in microdoseage, but the effects lasted longer.

This was my preferred resource: https://thethirdwave.co/

Shrooms and LSD are not toxic, in that they won't harm your body. You can experience "behavioral toxicity" during trip --in other words, you're so out of it that you do something to harm yourself ("look at the way the coals in the fireplace glow! I want to touch one --OUCH!") However, if you're not careful in how you microdose, you build tolerance and the drug loses efficacy. I build tolerance ridiculously easily/quickly, even to stuff like antibiotics, so I only had a couple months, even on the recommended doseage schedule, before microdosing became ineffective for me.

I'm quite upset about that tolerance: I was feeling almost human during the period microdosing was effective.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Truth. You can't microdose ketamine, either.

Shrooms were my choice --they grow wild on a friend's shed roof and he supplies me for free-- and I occasionally alternated with very dilute LSD. LSD was a lot rougher on my system, even in microdoseage, but the effects lasted longer.

This was my preferred resource: https://thethirdwave.co/

Shrooms and LSD are not toxic, in that they won't harm your body. You can experience "behavioral toxicity" during trip --in other words, you're so out of it that you do something to harm yourself ("look at the way the coals in the fireplace glow! I want to touch one --OUCH!") However, if you're not careful in how you microdose, you build tolerance and the drug loses efficacy. I build tolerance ridiculously easily/quickly, even to stuff like antibiotics, so I only had a couple months, even on the recommended doseage schedule, before microdosing became ineffective for me.

I'm quite upset about that tolerance: I was feeling almost human during the period microdosing was effective.

Sounds interesting also the link looks good. It would also be worth to mention that no one has ever died of an OD of either Cannabis, Schrooms or LSD there is of course as you mentioned the "behavioral toxicity" people who have hurt or killed themselves while being high but that wasn´t on microdosing and it would also be recommended to have a tripsitter.

 

[TheLastTrip]

I've been a member of various forums over the years, form discussing sports to arcade machines to dogs. However, I never felt as welcome or as much as part of the "family" as what I do on here.

For a bunch of crazies that just want to kill themselves, there seems to be a lot of nice, genuine, supportive people around here. If only we could have local SS meet ups, a family get together if you like. Just maybe so many of us wouldn't be so lonely and feel like we're different or outcasts. It may even mean that we lose members for a different reason other than death.

I know why we are all here and what our end goal is, yet I feel saddened when another member decides it is their turn to ctb. I feel like we are losing a part of our little family. In some way, I wish that there was something I could do. At the very least, I wish I could be there with you when you ctb, just hold your hand or comfort you so you know that you are not alone in what would be a very difficult time.

I know exactly how you feel, I've only been a member of this forum for a matter of days but the warmth and welcome here, as well as like @TiredHorse said the feeling of relief at just being able to talk openly with people and not hold back our feelings, that's all beyond anything I could have hoped for.

Edit: Oh and yes I understand the bittersweetness of someone here starting a thread that they are CTB soon. I feel sad that they're going, but also a deep joy that they are finally going to find their peace.

 

[TheLastTrip]

MDMA with a friend and you will most likely have the best day of your life (I am not exaggerating)

I can second that, as sad as it sounds the times I have taken MDMA (17 years ago mind you) have been the happiest moments of my life. The rush of pure happiness and inability to remember or fixate on your problems is amazing.

It's just damn hard to get hold of unless you know a contact in your area, AND it's super illegal so you're getting in serious crap if you get caught. I would not do well in prison :(

Edit: I have to admit if I could get hold of MDMA in Peru (after I had purchased N) then I would do it every night until my money nearly ran out or my bus turned up (January), then leave it a week for my system to clear ready for the N, then CTB.

 

[TheLastTrip]

Here, the elephant in the room has been given a seat at the table and a martini, and he's inspiring good and compassionate conversation.

Damn man you made me laugh, but I understand your sentiment completely.

A meetup section would be awesome, I'd use that. I'll settle for discord in a few weeks once I have qualified.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I can second that, as sad as it sounds the times I have taken MDMA (17 years ago mind you) have been the happiest moments of my life. The rush of pure happiness and inability to remember or fixate on your problems is amazing.

It's just damn hard to get hold of unless you know a contact in your area, AND it's super illegal so you're getting in serious crap if you get caught. I would not do well in prison :(

Edit: I have to admit if I could get hold of MDMA in Peru (after I had purchased N) then I would do it every night until my money nearly ran out or my bus turned up (January), then leave it a week for my system to clear ready for the N, then CTB.

I would like to mention that I am 24yo and about 2 years ago I took MDMA with a friend a two others who just smoked weed and I had the best day of my life (not counting my childhood) so it´s pretty interesting that I could get such a good experience out of using this wonderful drug.

You could always you the deep web that is what I do and even if customs get it you won´t get in trouble for it since they can´t trace it and won´t even bother to try when you order such small amounts.

 

[TheLastTrip]

Thank you @TheGoodGuy

Ah that would be nice, but doing MDMA by myself would be less awesome somehow, I'd still feel balls to the walls happy, but it would lessen it somewhat. Not to mention it's nice in a group environment so I don't have to worry about going down to the hotel reception with my pupils like Puss in Boots out of Shrek and repeatedly telling them that I just freaking love them SO much right now, then telling that to the cops when they call them on me ;)