Venting I don't even know, this post is stupid

[lemmeeleev]

It's 2021 already and I'm still here. I thought I was making progress and things were finally gonna change for the better for once, but I'm an idiot for believing that for even a second. All I do is screw everything up and no one even wants me here. I got a new job I start in a week or so and I'll probably just get fired cause I'm a terrible employee anyways. My fp treats me even worse now cause I screwed everything up even more than it was cause I either ignore him or blow up his phone in a panic. My only friend only deals with me cause she wants someone, or somewhere I should say, to go when she gets in a fight with the person she lives with, then leaves when I actually have a day off cause why would she want to be around me? My family only pretends like they care about me cause they feel they have to cause I'm related to them. My sister I never see was in town for a couple weeks and I seen her once cause I messaged her. Then I never heard from her again cause she just wanted to come over to my house for the family thing she planned cause everyone else lives in apartments. Nothing after that. No one really gives a damn and they're all liars just to use you and leave. All I do is annoy everyone around me or let everyone use me without saying or doing anything to make everyone happy. I'm so sick of this. I just want to scream. Go back to eating almost nothing again, not like that'll be hard cause everything tastes like shit now. Not to kill myself, I just don't care anymore. Let me end up dead or in a hospital, I don't care either way. I'm just so sick of everything and everyone. This is going nowhere, I'm going nowhere and I'm stuck right back where I was before. Obviously it doesn't matter if I die or not, all anyone does is use me anyways or I make everyone I know annoyed or mad at me. This is probably really long and I should just shut up now. Not like anyone's actually going to read this anyways, and if you did I'm sorry you did. This is stupid.
And I'm sorry I have nowhere else to go

 

[FuneralCry]

Living really can be painful. It is hard to be trapped in a hopeless situation, I understand that. People can be so disappointing and can be cruel to us, I'm sorry you are going through all that. I wish you well.

 

[Midgardsorm]

You not stupid. You're not terrible.

This world just doesn't know how to appreciate the ones who deserves the most.
Everyone uses you because they know you will help them, because you're good, caring and loving.
A beautiful person like you should never have to suffer like this.
I'm sorry for what the world did to you. Be sure that there is people who would enjoy your company, care for you and love you. Just like you deserve. But this world is filled and ruled by people that will not, they're everywhere, unfortunately.

Don't apologize for posting this, this post is not stupid, it just pains me to hear you're going through.
I wish I could do something to ease your pain. But all I can offer is my support and these words, that only states the truth about you, about how nice you are, but people refuse to let you know that.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

My only friend only deals with me cause she wants someone, or somewhere I should say, to go when she gets in a fight with the person she lives with, then leaves when I actually have a day off cause why would she want to be around me?

If an individual only wishes to have contact with you only when it is suitable for them then they are not a friend. Friendship should work both ways, so if you make the time to listen to their issues and help them they should do the same for you. So to rephrase your question: why would she not want to be around you? To put it another way: if she does not wish to be around you then she should not expect you to give her somewhere to stay, because that is taking an unfair advantage - exploitation.

My family only pretends like they care about me cause they feel they have to cause I'm related to them. My sister I never see was in town for a couple weeks and I seen her once cause I messaged her. Then I never heard from her again cause she just wanted to come over to my house for the family thing she planned cause everyone else lives in apartments. Nothing after that. No one really gives a damn and they're all liars just to use you and leave.

Family is as much about bonds as it is genes and blood-relation.

Why do you feel that your family only pretends to care - have they said anything that could suggest this? If it is possible (and you feel comfortable) then you could discuss the problem with them? On the other side: if you know - genuinely - that a biological family member dislikes, and mistreats you then you should not feel obligated to care about their needs. Leave them as they have left you.

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." - Unknown origin (possible modern translation).

 

[lemmeeleev]

I absolutely will not talk to my family about this. And they only want me around when it benefits them in some way physically or mentally but they don't care about me. They pretend to and have told me I can talk to them before, but if I do they just think I'm dramatic or annoying or other things. My family's not the worst part right now though, I hardly talk to them anymore anyways. My mom will sometimes because my brother drives her crazy cause they live together and she wants him to stay by me for the weekend. But my mom's a whole other story. She gets mad that I never talk to her about anything, but then makes a big deal about anything I do tell her, in a bad way.
@Sprite_Geist
I meant to quote you, I don't know what I'm doing