Help I don’t even have the energy to CTB

[illAF]

I don't have any energy left.
I don't have the energy to write a letter for my family.
I don't have the energy to prepare things correctly.
I have SN. And I don't even have the F*cking energy to do the process.
I don't have the energy to clean my social medias ect, computer etc.
I don't want to go without anything done...
I don't want to do it at home but I don't have the energy to find a place.

I don't even have the energy to talk with you guys here on SaSu...

I wish somebody could help me do it. But that will never happen.

I know I have to be gone before my 30s (in December) but I don't know how the hell I will manage to do it, even though I just want to be gone now.

 

[annique]

i can relate to you on having barely any energy left to do anything. i've also been lacking energy in a way i've never experienced before... and, even if i sleep for an enormous amount of hours on end, i wake up tired. i'm sorry we're going through this. i've also been postponing my ctb due to lack of energy + a little bit of fear

 

[illAF]

i can relate to you on having barely any energy left to do anything. i've also been lacking energy in a way i've never experienced before... and, even if i sleep for an enormous amount of hours on end, i wake up tired. i'm sorry we're going through this. i've also been postponing my ctb due to lack of energy + a little bit of fear

Completely relatable...

 

[excinephile]

Same boat here. I wanted to be gone before September...

 

[etherealgoddess]

I don't have any energy left.
I don't have the energy to write a letter for my family.
I don't have the energy to prepare things correctly.
I have SN. And I don't even have the F*cking energy to do the process.
I don't have the energy to clean my social medias ect, computer etc.
I don't want to go without anything done...
I don't want to do it at home but I don't have the energy to find a place.

I don't even have the energy to talk with you guys here on SaSu...

I wish somebody could help me do it. But that will never happen.

I know I have to be gone before my 30s (in December) but I don't know how the hell I will manage to do it, even though I just want to be gone now.

Do you take any depression or anxiety meds? Could be worth to try something.

 

[excinephile]

At this time I don't even think it's necessary for me to leave notes, everyone knows that I'm fucked.

 

[illAF]

Do you take any depression or anxiety meds? Could be worth to try something.

Oh yeah. I've been ill for 15 years. In and out psychiatric hospitals. I've tried everything, even ECT.
Adding to that an ME/CFS since a few years.

There is nothing left for me. I'm done trying to heal, it will never happen.

 

[genoke]

I'm so depressed anxious and exhausted I can't even go buy weed lately. I'm too tired to clean important things. Its bad cuz winter coming so fast. Too be so young and this tired. Was it always this way? Or have you been recently slammed with a way heavier depression than normal like me?

Im so depressed and tired I've been watching only parks and rec for 2 months straight now. Literally nothing else at all. I have a new car and I haven't driven it in so long I bet the battery is dead and birdshit has already fucked up the paint.

I'm so depressed I didn't go to my friends wedding cuz it was an hour drive and we've been friends 20 years. I didn't have the emotional energy either.

I also do not have the energy to just drive an hour away and get it done.

 

[illAF]

At this time I don't even think it's necessary for me to leave notes, everyone knows that I'm fucked.

Same here. Plus they all know I am suicidal. But I just can't go without writing my goodbyes and I don't want my closed ones to find my body. I don't want to fuck their life in addition to mine...

 

[etherealgoddess]

Oh yeah. I've been ill for 15 years. In and out psychiatric hospitals. I've tried everything, even ECT.
Adding to that an ME/CFS since a few years.

There is nothing left for me. I'm done trying to heal, it will never happen.

Do you think it would be worth to try herbal supplements? That's what I do. I take saffron and rosemary. I don't sell them--you can find them easily on Amazon. They help a good amount for me. It could be worth a try. I hated the synthetic meds personally because they're so hit-or-miss and have horrible side effects.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

i can relate to you on having barely any energy left to do anything. i've also been lacking energy in a way i've never experienced before... and, even if i sleep for an enormous amount of hours on end, i wake up tired. i'm sorry we're going through this. i've also been postponing my ctb due to lack of energy + a little bit of fear

this is exactly how i feel to the T. I'm stuck in limbo and it's very unpleasant. I am getting so agitated, I scream so loud inside. I wish there was a button to just push and poof you are gone , erase yourself and all your traces, like you never existed. I have to go to 3 countries to put my affairs in order and also buy N, but i don't even have energy to get out of bed. I have been stuck bed-rotting in a hotel room, watching Netflix.

 

[illAF]

I'm so depressed anxious and exhausted I can't even go buy weed. I'm too tired to clean important things. Its bad cuz winter coming so fast. Too be so young and this tired. Was it always this way? Or have you been recently slammed with a way heavier depression than normal like me?

Im so depressed and tired I've been watching only parks and rec for 2 months straight now. Literally nothing else at all. I have a new car and I haven't driven it in so long I bet the battery is dead and birdshit has already fucked up the paint.

I'm in and out depression (plus many others symptoms, they can't even agree on a proper diagnosis) for 15 years now.
Plus an ME/CFS.

The worst part is I am too tired to do anything but at the same time I am soooo bored.

The only times I feel a bit better is when I drink alcohool

 

[Defenestration]

Same all time exhausted

 

[illAF]

Do you think it would be worth to try herbal supplements? That's what I do. I take saffron and rosemary. I don't sell them--you can find them easily on Amazon. They help a good amount for me. It could be worth a try. I hated the synthetic meds personally because they're so hit-or-miss and have horrible side effects.

I've also tried a lot of phytotherapy (herbal things, I don't know if it's the proper word in english). Apart from making me spend a lot of money, I did not notice any good difference

 

[etherealgoddess]

I've also tried a lot of phytotherapy (herbal things, I don't know if it's the proper word in english). Apart from making me spend a lot of money, I did not notice any good difference

I'm really sorry about that :( Hugs

 

[illAF]

this is exactly how i feel to the T. I'm stuck in limbo and it's very unpleasant. I am getting so agitated, I scream so loud inside. I wish there was a button to just push and poof you are gone , erase yourself and all your traces, like you never existed. I have to go to 3 countries to put my affairs in order and also buy N, but i don't even have energy to get out of bed. I have been stuck bed-rotting in a hotel room, watching Netflix.

So sorry you are also going through all of this. This is pure hell.

I'm really sorry about that :( Hugs

Thanks <3

 

[genoke]

At this time I don't even think it's necessary for me to leave notes, everyone knows that I'm fucked.

Me too ... haha.... i just have will and testimony type goodbyes... I said my suicide note the other day would just be "call my brother" so the cops can close the case immediately. My brother would say I've been suicidal since I was 12.

 

[lnlybnny]

I could've written this myself, I relate to everything, even the upcoming 30s

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, I also just wish to not exist, I wish that suicide is as straightforward as choosing to never wake again, I find it so painful how I cannot just have the option to easily die in a painless way. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you find peace eventually.

 

[divinemistress36]

I don't have the energy to plan either. When you are to depressed to even ctb...

 

[genoke]

I don't have the energy to plan either. When you are to depressed to even ctb...

Depressed addicts and alcoholics who get out of rehab often kill themselves because they are healthy and clear-headed enough to form and execute a plan. Imagine going to rehab just to get the emotional and physical strength to ctb... lagertha is amazing.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

I don't have the energy to plan either. When you are to depressed to even ctb...

I feel you, it's the main reason I wanted a partner TBH, partners could motivate each other, hold each other's hands, get over the fear, I can't imagine my last final moments all alone, it's going to suck

 

[divinemistress36]

Depressed addicts and alcoholics who get out of rehab often kill themselves because they are healthy and clear-headed enough to form and execute a plan. Imagine going to rehab just to get the emotional and physical strength to ctb... lagertha is amazing.

That's why I love her. That makes sense one needs to have clear enough head to execute a good plan to ctb

 

[illAF]

I feel you, it's the main reason I wanted a partner TBH, partners could motivate each other, hold each other's hands, get over the fear, I can't imagine my last final moments all alone, it's going to suck

O really wish I had a partner too...

Depressed addicts and alcoholics who get out of rehab often kill themselves because they are healthy and clear-headed enough to form and execute a plan. Imagine going to rehab just to get the emotional and physical strength to ctb... lagertha is amazing.

Maybe I should try rehab then. As, in addition to all my other health problem, I think I can call me an alcoholics now.

 

[crystalziline]

I don't have any energy left.
I don't have the energy to write a letter for my family.
I don't have the energy to prepare things correctly.
I have SN. And I don't even have the F*cking energy to do the process.
I don't have the energy to clean my social medias ect, computer etc.
I don't want to go without anything done...
I don't want to do it at home but I don't have the energy to find a place.

I don't even have the energy to talk with you guys here on SaSu...

I wish somebody could help me do it. But that will never happen.

I know I have to be gone before my 30s (in December) but I don't know how the hell I will manage to do it, even though I just want to be gone now.

This is exactly how I feel, if I could have it my way I'd CTB tonight without leaving anything behind - I'm so tired of having no energy...to do anything. I don't feel sad or excited about CTB, I go between feeling nothing and feeling highly anxious. I wish I had the energy to tie up every loose end to try and minimise impact when I'm gone (e.g. clean room/sell things/leave notes/make amends) but it's so hard.

I'm so depressed anxious and exhausted I can't even go buy weed lately. I'm too tired to clean important things. Its bad cuz winter coming so fast. Too be so young and this tired. Was it always this way? Or have you been recently slammed with a way heavier depression than normal like me?

Im so depressed and tired I've been watching only parks and rec for 2 months straight now. Literally nothing else at all. I have a new car and I haven't driven it in so long I bet the battery is dead and birdshit has already fucked up the paint.

I'm so depressed I didn't go to my friends wedding cuz it was an hour drive and we've been friends 20 years. I didn't have the emotional energy either.

I also do not have the energy to just drive an hour away and get it done.

I feel you on this - I've been bed rotting all year, my screen time has gotten up to 14hrs a day. I have no energy except to scroll TikTok. I'm sorry you are going through this too.

 

[maggot]

I don't have the energy to plan either. When you are to depressed to even ctb...

Same here. I keep procrastinating. I'm such a failure I can't even ctb

 

[divinemistress36]

Same here. I keep procrastinating. I'm such a failure I can't even ctb

You arent a failure . You are in survival mode <3