• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

    Bitcoin (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt
    ETH: 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
relapse

relapse

Member
Mar 8, 2025
20
I've mastered isolating myself from other people to the point the only person I talk to is my boyfriend and even that I'm managing to self sabotage now. Yesterday I asked him why he's even with me, told him that I'm only going to hold him back long term and when he wasn't convinced enough I mentioned that I'm thinking of killing myself. Practically tried to make him break up with me just to be hit with him being very supportive, I can't help but feel guilty because I know i'm going to do it anyways.

I do love him a lot but he doesn't deserve this, I don't understand what makes it worth it for him to stay with someone like me. Maybe he feels like he can actually help me, I just hope he gets fed up with me eventually and realizes that I can't change for him or anyone else for that matter
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: ctemourge, Forever Sleep, FishRain3469 and 4 others
DivineSpark

DivineSpark

Experienced
Feb 9, 2025
297
I think everyone deserves peace, pleasure, happiness and joy. I wish those upon everyone.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: deadbidaylight, 4everHeartBroken, relapse and 2 others
TransTaxEvader

TransTaxEvader

Expires March 31st 2025
Feb 22, 2025
146
Coming from experience, please break up with him if you love him and you're serious about dying.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: FishRain3469, relapse and davidtorez
relapse

relapse

Member
Mar 8, 2025
20
Coming from experience, please break up with him if you love him and you're serious about dying.
I may not need to, he's been hinting that he's going to leave me anyways and if he doesn't first then I will. However it still sucks knowing I will leave him with the guilt afterwards if he finds out, he's always felt responsible for me even if it has nothing to do with him.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: FishRain3469
F

FishRain3469

Member
Mar 12, 2025
16
Damn... I can relate to a lot of what you said, almost kinda scary.. The self sabotage and isolation, Yikes.. I could probably write a Fckn novel on Both of those , sadly. With everything; Life.. Life on life's terms.

Your b/f.. Idk what to say other than.. Just follow your heart, and listen to it. For better or worse.. In Due time. -
 
  • Like
Reactions: relapse
S

Shadow_

Sometimes dead is better
Mar 14, 2025
22
This is what I've been avoiding. Been single a long time because of it. Honestly, I know I'd fuck up any relationship I was in, or I'd ctb, and I can't do that to someone. But honestly I envy you. You have someone who knows, but cares. I'm not you, and you aren't me, but being lonely only makes things worse. If you haven't tried, or even if you have, there are resources that work for most people. And if someone is gonna love you, knowing what you think is shittiest about yourself, maybe it's it's worth giving it the ol college try on some other things. Hell maybe making them apart of it just might strengthen your relationship, or be the bedrock you need. Crazier shit has happened.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: relapse and FishRain3469
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
11,018
Do you think other people deserve a shot at happiness? Why should you be denied it?

Personally though, I don't see death as a bad thing. I have quit a bit of envy for the dead. I think I deserve death personally because it's high time I got to rest.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: divinemistress36, relapse and FishRain3469
relapse

relapse

Member
Mar 8, 2025
20
Do you think other people deserve a shot at happiness? Why should you be denied it?

Personally though, I don't see death as a bad thing. I have quit a bit of envy for the dead. I think I deserve death personally because it's high time I got to rest.
Funnily enough yes, I believe even those who are objectively worse people than me deserve to be happy. The problem has always been me, I feel like there's just something deeply wrong in who I am and what I'm like that even basic decency is too much to ask for lol. True happiness would definitely feel like too much for me to have and I'd probably feel guilty for it.

I don't really see death as either a good or a bad thing, it's just something that happens to everyone. In my case I feel like I deserve it because it's the bare minimum. I'd really like to exist in the most irrelevant way possible, and then immediately being forgotten the moment I ctb,
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: divinemistress36, Forever Sleep and FishRain3469

Similar threads

ForeverCaHa
Replies
4
Views
138
Suicide Discussion
deadbidaylight
deadbidaylight
BlueButterfly111
Replies
3
Views
246
Suicide Discussion
zentiiicharcoal
zentiiicharcoal
bugs_for_brains
Replies
1
Views
192
Suicide Discussion
cassie
cassie
ForeverCaHa
Replies
1
Views
68
Suicide Discussion
rs929
R
V
Replies
5
Views
375
Suicide Discussion
marronfoncé
M