princeseadove
wannabe angel
- Mar 4, 2025
- 16
Like the title said, I can't find myself caring. I know there will be a lot of pain. From my family, my "friends", but I can't seem to care for it at all. My family well, I'm in this position because of them. Blame my parents for all I care. And they don't really talk or know me because I can't speak their language. So I'm left alone.
At school I'm also, left alone, or belittled, mocked. I have a few people who I talk to and have small conversations, but that's as far as it'll go. I don't think I'm going to leave a suicide note either, cuz I don't care for whatever they think. It should be self explanatory why I died. Not entirely all the way I think, like. About to graduate, top of my class, but it's all nonsense.
What I am scared of, is for three of my online friends to grieve me. I used to have a lot of people who I would talk to online, but someone leaked a psychotic breakdown I had, and I lost a friend, and spiraled and isolated myself ever since. But I have a few who I stuck by me. One in particular is very suicidal, and I just, it makes me really upset for him.
I know if I die, he will mourn me. I don't want him to join me. Whatever talks of "pro choice" is thrown out the window when said "choice" is made out of your mind. The deliver of the news, I'm planning for an irl to send the message for me. I don't know what I'll do if he hurts himself because of my death. I hope he'll understand one day.
At school I'm also, left alone, or belittled, mocked. I have a few people who I talk to and have small conversations, but that's as far as it'll go. I don't think I'm going to leave a suicide note either, cuz I don't care for whatever they think. It should be self explanatory why I died. Not entirely all the way I think, like. About to graduate, top of my class, but it's all nonsense.
What I am scared of, is for three of my online friends to grieve me. I used to have a lot of people who I would talk to online, but someone leaked a psychotic breakdown I had, and I lost a friend, and spiraled and isolated myself ever since. But I have a few who I stuck by me. One in particular is very suicidal, and I just, it makes me really upset for him.
I know if I die, he will mourn me. I don't want him to join me. Whatever talks of "pro choice" is thrown out the window when said "choice" is made out of your mind. The deliver of the news, I'm planning for an irl to send the message for me. I don't know what I'll do if he hurts himself because of my death. I hope he'll understand one day.
