I don't care about my suffering

[Un-]

I'm in pain everyday. I wish to die everyday. I look at my SN frequently.

I just don't care about the fact that I'm suffering. I don't care that I'm suicidal. It makes no difference.. When in every moment you feel pain, regardless of what you do.. It's pointless caring.

I don't care about my life. I'm starting not to care about my friends. I don't care about my family. I don't care about SaSu. I don't care about anything.

Every moment passes, just like the many moments before it. And like the many moments before it, I remain miserable.

It's gonna get to a point where I don't care about ending my life anymore...

Watched gore a lot. If you torture someone for a week, they still have life.. You see it in their eyes.

Do it for a year, and they won't care what you do to them. You can offer them death.. An escape and they won't care.

Like that japanese girl that was tortured and raped for 44 days.. Stopped flinching when she was lit on fire by day 30..

 

[sevenkarmas]

There is a sort of boring monotony that happens. I've had severe muscle spasms in my lower back since high school (30 year ago). After a while, I just got use to them. A doctor even asked me about it one time because he could see my back move. I hated taking pills because the made me feel numb (tee-totaler here. No drugs, no booze). I know they are there because I have pain and I can feel them, but it's not worth thinking about.
Same with ctb. I'm not excited like some, but I know it's coming. It's daily drudgery that just makes you numb. There is no joy in anything.

I feel for you.

 

[noname223]

I'm in pain everyday. I wish to die everyday. I look at my SN frequently.

I just don't care about the fact that I'm suffering. I don't care that I'm suicidal. It makes no difference.. When in every moment you feel pain, regardless of what you do.. It's pointless caring.

I don't care about my life. I'm starting not to care about my friends. I don't care about my family. I don't care about SaSu. I don't care about anything.

Every moment passes, just like the many moments before it. And like the many moments before it, I remain miserable.

It's gonna get to a point where I don't care about ending my life anymore...

Watched gore a lot. If you torture someone for a week, they still have life.. You see it in their eyes.

Do it for a year, and they won't care what you do to them. You can offer them death.. An escape and they won't care.

Like that japanese girl that was tortured and raped for 44 days.. Stopped flinching when she was lit on fire by day 30..

I feel very sorry that life is so cruel to you. You don't deserve all this pain.
So many in this forum deserve a better life. Life is so fucking unfair and there is so much injustice.

I read the story of this japanse girl you mentioned. Maybe it would have been better to avoid that. Such stories show me that the pain this life can contain barely has limits. In some way it makes me humble and reminds me of some privileges. However I think it is also painful for me to read stories like that. They make me deeply sad and disgusted by other humans. I learned not to gaze into the abyss for a long time. It has a negative impact on my mental health.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it absolutely horrific how such torture like what you mentioned has existed in this world, I mean reading about things like that is enough on it's own to make me wish to die, how could anyone want to exist in such a world where humans are capable of such cruelty, this world is the true hell and nightmare and it's disturbing to think of how many living beings are likely being tortured right now. But yes, real events like that are a reflection of the reality of this existence, people can try to push their pro life beliefs but the fact that living beings have the ability to feel such pain is why to die will always be the most rational option for me.

But yes, I do think that for many people being trapped in a life not worth enduring and having to suffer constantly can make them quite apathetic, like they die inside in a way but are still conscious and aware, it must be tiring reaching that point. But at least you have the option of a way to exit for when the time is right for you.

 

[Un-]

There is a sort of boring monotony that happens. I've had severe muscle spasms in my lower back since high school (30 year ago). After a while, I just got use to them. A doctor even asked me about it one time because he could see my back move. I hated taking pills because the made me feel numb (tee-totaler here. No drugs, no booze). I know they are there because I have pain and I can feel them, but it's not worth thinking about.
Same with ctb. I'm not excited like some, but I know it's coming. It's daily drudgery that just makes you numb. There is no joy in anything.

I feel for you.

You get it.

I feel very sorry that life is so cruel to you. You don't deserve all this pain.
So many in this forum deserve a better life. Life is so fucking unfair and there is so much injustice.

I read the story of this japanse girl you mentioned. Maybe it would have been better to avoid that. Such stories show me that the pain this life can contain barely has limits. In some way it makes me humble and reminds me of some privileges. However I think it is also painful for me to read stories like that. They make me deeply sad and disgusted by other humans. I learned not to gaze into the abyss for a long time. It has a negative impact on my mental health.

I don't think I deserve a better life. I'm a gigantic piece of shit at best. There's probably a reason why I don't have friends.

Yeah.. Junko Furuta. It's a horrible story.. Makes you realise that humans are capable of limitless evil, but finite - very finite - kindness. Especially the fact that one of the perpetrators mothers desecrated Junko's grave. I say it's not a bad thing to look into this abyss.. It's how the world works.. Happiness is a benefit for the lucky few.

I find it absolutely horrific how such torture like what you mentioned has existed in this world, I mean reading about things like that is enough on it's own to make me wish to die, how could anyone want to exist in such a world where humans are capable of such cruelty, this world is the true hell and nightmare and it's disturbing to think of how many living beings are likely being tortured right now. But yes, real events like that are a reflection of the reality of this existence, people can try to push their pro life beliefs but the fact that living beings have the ability to feel such pain is why to die will always be the most rational option for me.

But yes, I do think that for many people being trapped in a life not worth enduring and having to suffer constantly can make them quite apathetic, like they die inside in a way but are still conscious and aware, it must be tiring reaching that point. But at least you have the option of a way to exit for when the time is right for you.

Thank you

 

[ever so lonely]

i was just going to say i care about you man for what it is worth, and others care about you too, it is ifficult to care for ourselves sometimes tho i understand that, this self love positivity bs only goes so far, this post is so on point, i am there with you op, and others who have commented too, you matter mate even if you think you dont, you matter, but i think lots of us feel this but that doesnt diminish your feels and suffering either buds, i feel each of us have our torments that just grind us down and turn us zombie like, it sounds like that isnhow your feeling ?, i dont even care that i dont care nomore if that makes sense, and it seems this is how your feeling too maybe ?, i totally relate to this post, i find myself like you describe so well constantly, looking at my little sn knowing it could snuff me and my miserable existence out like a light, it is tempting, i just hope you can hang on a little longer if possible if just because suicide is so final, we can go out whenever we choose, esp with the methods we have,as for the gore matey, jesus christ i used to indulge but cant anymore, i cant bear it, when it comes to gore i am with you tho, the cruelty on display is hideous to see, i saw plenty years ago and became desensitised then somebody i cant remember who i believe it were on youtube possibly, mentioned a video that went viral and i am not kidding mate this thing was ghastly i have since watched a couple more and moped out just can't do it, the way the victims just sit there resigned to there fate never leaves you, it concerned mexican drug cartels, this particular video i believe, these dudes are worse than isis, absolute crazy and depraved, the video was funky town gore, please dont search it out buds, even out of morbid curiosity, i made that mistake and am still suffering, please for the love of god, i have struggled to get the images out of my head since there is no backstory on who this young man was, or what he did to the cartel to warrant such treatment, but it opened my eyes to the sheer cruelty and depths that humans are capable of inflicting on eachother in a way it made me feel even more suicidal knowing what we can do to eachother, that is the worse thing i ever seen and i didnt even finish it, i hope your ok op considering, i hope each of us somehow someway can find the peace we deserve, there are some honestly great posts on here and this struck a chord, so relatable, why is life so cruel to us ?, why is it so unforgiving ?, i hope and pray your doing better soonies, i wish it for everybody here, take care

 

[Un-]

i was just going to say i care about you man for what it is worth, and others care about you too, it is ifficult to care for ourselves sometimes tho i understand that, this self love positivity bs only goes so far, this post is so on point, i am there with you op, and others who have commented too, you matter mate even if you think you dont, you matter

Thank you. But I doubt it. I'm one of those people who could go missing and no one would notice.. Obviously my immediate family, but that's it.

i just hope you can hang on a little longer if possible if just because suicide is so final, we can go out whenever we choose, esp with the methods we have

Thank you. It's.. Really difficult. When I take a step back and examine myself, it feels like I'll never get better. I'm far too messed up.. Like other depressed people I talk to.. They're more lively than I am. And they're still not better. I feel like I have the same odds of finding Big Foot.

jesus christ i used to indulge but cant anymore, i cant bear it, when it comes to gore i am with you tho, the cruelty on display is hideous to see, i saw plenty years ago and became desensitised then somebody i cant remember who i believe it were on youtube possibly, mentioned a video that went viral and i am not kidding mate this thing was ghastly i have since watched a couple more and moped out just can't do it, the way the victims just sit there resigned to there fate never leaves you, it concerned mexican drug cartels, this particular video i believe, these dudes are worse than isis, absolute crazy and depraved, the video was funky town gore, please dont search it out buds, even out of morbid curiosity, i made that mistake and am still suffering, please for the love of god, i have struggled to get the images out of my head since there is no backstory on who this young man was, or what he did to the cartel to warrant such treatment, but it opened my eyes to the sheer cruelty and depths that humans are capable of inflicting on eachother in a way it made me feel even more suicidal knowing what we can do to eachother

I've seen it, and I've seen worse... Rapes, actual torture, cannibalism.. It's a deep rabbit hole. I'm not affected by any of it. I'm not trying to show off, but I just don't want you to worry about someone as soulless as me. Thank you though.

It is horrible knowing how awful human beings can be. Even without gore, there's tons of videos on YouTube of people getting revenge.. Destroying one another.. I want to be isolated from everyone I know, but loneliness hurts so much.. There's no good option..

 

[ever so lonely]

too true bro, i will just follow you back now, i am with you my friend people have no bounds, to think these dudes routinely execute men women and children in a way serial killers probably couldn't even handle, i mean how do they do that ?, do they take so much drugs and are so spaced out that the executions dont weigh on them ?, i think i am with you mate we couldnt live with ourselves doing that to somebody just wow, i am with you there bro i saw a rape video once but stumbled on it by accident, i noped out of there quick time, when i realised what was going down, the woman looked so shocked and so utterly terrified and tiny, , it just boggles the mind how people can inflict this on eachother, with serial killers they speculate it could be a broken home but with these guys what is there excuse lol, we care about you bro, this community is very supportive i noticed, and people do genuinely seem to care, you dont get that on social media that is for sure, i was going to say with funky town gore even the gore hounds cant handle that, i believe they refer to it as funky town due to the lips inc song that plays in the background, and to think whilst they were torturing this dude to obscene levels, they were laughing joking and mocking him, goddamn, that is evil, a youtube channel you may be interested in covers these topics a youtuber who is uk and another us youtuber they are disturbed reality and plagued moth bro, maybe you know of them, but they describe the gore so we dont have to watch it lol, hope your feeling better soonies my friend, and that your doing ok you would be missed bro, i often think that, that i dont matter to nobody, but sometimes our minds can trick us, into that way of thinking, i feel if we killed ourselves maybe we wouldnt realise just how much we matter to people, because we are no longer here to see it ?, but i guess we do matter, to people, like with you it is family and some friends as you said there, we are here for a reason, peace and blessings pal