TimeLawyer
Now scheduled for deletion. Goodbye all
- Oct 10, 2019
- 70
I just say what I want to say and do what I want regardless of peoples feelings. I don't have any inclination or desire to stop. I know how to tell. when someone is hurt but I just need to say what is on my mind, the "will people be hurt" filter most folks use just feels opressive to me. Nobody has ever hit me, raped me or been extroadinatilt mean to me, yet everyone keeps saying there is a "real me" who wants to please everyone and that this "real self" has been obscured by trauma and what I call me is just a bunch of unhealthy coping mechanisms and deep down I want to please everyone and never hurt anyone ever. I dont believe that is a natural way for me or many humans to exist. I am "too human" I don't want to "grow" "change" "go to therapy" "manage emotions" or "cope" those concepts seem foreign and oppressive to me. I wish to just "be", like animals do, and not have million things I have to fight myself not to be. I don't want to grow and change and fight human nature not to hurt people. Perhaps I am just evil or a plain old jerk and not sick or mentally ill. Or mentally ill and evil at the same time. Person AND a problem. I don't even want to spare peoples feelings. Am I just too far gone and shouldnt live because it feels like that. Christianity couldn't save me and psychology couldn't either, in fact it feels less able to save me, like it's all we have now that religion isn't as popular. Idk if I believe in its constructs, and I couldnt care less if my thoughts are "logical" or "rational" most of the time. That is another thing I'm told I have to be for the sake of others. I just can't anymore.