Venting i done messed on up bucko

[megafire]

So as i am the haver of great ideas, I thought to myself, maybe, before i take any immediate action, i could reach out to someone. not a useless hotline or police officer (ACAB) but someone i know cares for me and that i care for back. so I told my boyfriend about my thoughts and holyyy shit. all i needed was to tell someone about my dark thoughts since i had been holding onto them for so long and boyyy, did he not react well.
I don't know what i was expecting honestly but he was incredibly upset. "how could you do this to me" "you don't really love me if you could put me through this again" (a few people in his life have died) "think about me, think about your mom" like I have been, I know the impact it would have on them but i've been miserable for so long!! is it fair to ask me to live in this putrid state just so i don't hurt other people? living so i don't hurt my loved ones doesn't do it for me, if that's what's keeping you going, then more power to ya but... i definitely can't do it. i know that makes me selfish to willingly put them through that sort of pain but i am living in this pain every. single. day. and if that makes me a selfish POS, than that's what i am.

now he's getting into trouble with his grandma and might be getting kicked out just because i was stupid enough to bring this up to him. i just wanted to tell somebody who would care but now he's hurt and it's all my fault.

 

[Stick]

Why is he getting in trouble with his Grandmother over this?
You aren't a POS for feeling this way, and maybe talking to him about your mental process and acknowledging his emotions to him will help him to understand that. If nothing else, hopefully it will help calm him down.
You got such a negative reaction even though all you wanted was support, and hopefully you will get some support from him. It's not "your fault", even if you were the trigger. There is obviously a lot more going on in his reaction, and you don't need to blame yourself to care for him and how it is affecting him.

 

[Silver]

Unfortunately so many people react that way, by making it about them, not you. You did well trying to reach out to him, but his reaction isn't your fault, you don't have control over his response.

 

[whywere]

You are NOT..NOT stupid at all.You reached out to someone and got slapped with negative reactions instead of helpful ones. Like @Stick mentioned why is the grandmom all upset?? REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE OF US HERE ON SANCTIONED SUICIDE IS HERE FOR YOU, LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU AND WANT THE BEST FOR YOU!!! All the love and caring in the world to you!!!!

 

[megafire]

Why is he getting in trouble with his Grandmother over this?
You aren't a POS for feeling this way, and maybe talking to him about your mental process and acknowledging his emotions to him will help him to understand that. If nothing else, hopefully it will help calm him down.
You got such a negative reaction even though all you wanted was support, and hopefully you will get some support from him. It's not "your fault", even if you were the trigger. There is obviously a lot more going on in his reaction, and you don't need to blame yourself to care for him and how it is affecting him.

he doesn't handle his emotions in the most productive manner. he was screaming and slamming things apparently and let it slip that i was suicidal!!! obviously NOT news i want going around!!!!
if he asks about why im going to do this, i'll walk him through it but he'll probably just poke holes in everything i say and guilt-trip me. not that i blame him- it's hard to lose someone you love.
i appreciate your input !! made me feel a lot better

You are NOT..NOT stupid at all.You reached out to someone and got slapped with negative reactions instead of helpful ones. Like @Stick mentioned why is the grandmom all upset?? REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE OF US HERE ON SANCTIONED SUICIDE IS HERE FOR YOU, LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU AND WANT THE BEST FOR YOU!!! All the love and caring in the world to you!!!!

thank you, thank you <3!! i love you guys too, its been such a help to find this community :,)

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

now he's getting into trouble with his grandma and might be getting kicked out just because i was stupid enough to bring this up to him.

he doesn't handle his emotions in the most productive manner. he was screaming and slamming things

You're not responsible for the fact that he can't handles his emotions, he is. If he's getting kicked out, it's because of his actions, not yours. You didn't cause them and you can't control them. If he can't either, it's not on anyone else.

 

[itachi of death]

Telling loved ones any like this and it always ends up bad because of course their going to make you feel guilty for having feelings,im sorry your going through that and how your bf handled that kind of information,people make you feel guilt as a selfways of making you do something you really don't want to do,im sorry were all hear for you