Venting I died long ago

[silverhand]

I'm 18, I dropped out of high school freshman year, I'm fat and not conventionally attractive, I live in a trailer park, I can't bring myself to leave my room, I can't work. I can't do anything. I can't remember the last time I was happy. I wish I was never born. I'll never forgive my mom for having me. There's no joy in living. I want to die so badly but I'm afraid of death. I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I'm losing my sanity more and more everyday

 

[Darkover]

A child never gives its consent to be dragged kicking and screaming into this reality, and forcing it to is unconscionable.

The only certainty in life is death The most terrifying thing to a human is death. By bringing a child into the world, you force another being into a form of existential bondage where it is perpetually frightened of and certain of its own impending death. It's completely unjustifiable.

Check out antinatalism, it's about the philosophical position that giving birth is wrong. Or read the conspiracy against the human race by Thomas ligotti if you are interested in many different arguments by multiple philosopher on why you shouldn't make more people have to endure this existence.

 

[silverhand]

You're right and I agree. I have had extreme anxiety about death ever since I was very young. It's only made being suicidal that much harder. I don't believe that anybody should have children. Especially in a world as unjust and unfair as ours.

 

[zekeyaeger]

I'm 18, I dropped out of high school freshman year, I'm fat and not conventionally attractive, I live in a trailer park, I can't bring myself to leave my room, I can't work. I can't do anything. I can't remember the last time I was happy. I wish I was never born. I'll never forgive my mom for having me. There's no joy in living. I want to die so badly but I'm afraid of death. I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I'm losing my sanity more and more everyday

This is my EXACT situation. I am older though, 26. I can't leave my room, work, can't take care of myself. It is all shit, and I am losing my sanity more and more.

 

[silverhand]

This is my EXACT situation. I am older though, 26. I can't leave my room, work, can't take care of myself. It is all shit, and I am losing my sanity more and more.

It's the fucking worst. I see people my age going out and enjoying their youth, whereas I physically can't. I don't even have any friends IRL. I can't remember the last time I actually went out and had a good time or did fucking anything worth a damn.

 

[zekeyaeger]

It's the fucking worst. I see people my age going out and enjoying their youth, whereas I physically can't. I don't even have any friends IRL. I can't remember the last time I actually went out and had a good time or did fucking anything worth a damn.

Pretty much. Mental illness is like you are being killed from the inside. Lack of humane options to die in the current world just sucks balls.

 

[qw3rty259]

Why did you drop out?

 

[silverhand]

Why did you drop out?

I dropped out because I was struggling. I didn't show up on most days anyway because of my crippling depression, anxiety and at the time undiagnosed PTSD fucking with every aspect of my life. On top of that, I had not a single friend, which would have made it easier to go through. in fact it was the opposite, people would pick and turn me into a fucking joke and use me as a source of entertainment along with their friends because it was just so goddamn funny that I was fat and lonely. Not to mention I basically didn't attend half of middle school, so I was very behind.

 

[divinemistress36]

Hey OP I'm sorry you are going through this. I tried to ctb at 18 and dropped out but got my adult dipolma a year later when I was more stable. I was still depressed in my 20s but it was better than teen years. Hope things look up for you

 

[depthss]

i relate to a lot of what youre saying. i dropped out of high school when i was 16, but i stopped going when i was 13. i havent done much with my life either. i just do a lot of nothing now, only recently stopped with drinking and a couple different types of drugs. i know what its like, and i hate my parents for having me. sorry youre struggling

 

[pariah80]

 

[tss fss]

As the old saying goes :

People who commit suicide are already dead , they just want to be buried.