Cauliflour
The masochist who doodles.
- Mar 24, 2025
- 620
My mind is in conflict with how I should be feeling because I've never done so many cuts at once. I mostly feel proud of myself and they're bad enough that the hot water from the shower I had this morning made them sting which hasn't happened before and that was nice...a little distracting cause I was just trying to wash my hair but nice nonetheless. Part of me feels shame though or like "damn, I really have made 13 cuts on my arm at once, they're gonna scar". It's really annoying but whatever, I bet it'll fade, probably just some weird counter-balance cause I can not manage my emotions for shit. It's a strange feeling doing this in the dark at 1 am while listening to techno music, I quite like it I'll keep that in mind. Makes you more likely to keep cutting but also makes you less likely to focus on the whole self harm thing cause you're distracted. I did eventually go clean up the dried blood cause I didn't want to risk it staining my sheets when I go to sleep. Shame, I love the look of dried blood. I intentionally move the blood pools around to look more aesthetically pleasing (also it makes it dry quicker and less likely to drip all over the place).
It's a shame even on the suicide forum I can't properly talk about my experiences cause then I'll be reported for "promoting self harm" cause I haven't ruined my life over a blade...like I get why they do it, don't want to cause a controversy for mass media to gobble up but still...
It's a shame even on the suicide forum I can't properly talk about my experiences cause then I'll be reported for "promoting self harm" cause I haven't ruined my life over a blade...like I get why they do it, don't want to cause a controversy for mass media to gobble up but still...
