i deserve to die

[yeaimhere13]

i have severe ocd and while its been manageable my entire life, its spiked really badly in the last month or so. I've always had sexual intrusive thoughts. like always. but it was always about my family or people my age. yesterday i had my first intrusive thought about a child. a fucking child. it was a complete accident too. i feel so fucking guilty. so horrible and disgusting. I'm worried I'm gonna start developing more of these thoughts and then everything will just go to shit. i want to die. i know I'm not a pedophile. but i cant live knowing i thought something like that. i feel like the worst person ever.

 

[Onelegman]

Most mental illnesses reach their peak at age 35. How old are you? If you have only thought about it once you don't deserve to die, the problem is when it becomes something habitual, everyday, and it increases more and more. Don't think about it now or it will be another problem on the list.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Intrusive thoughts are something that you cannot control. Don't beat yourself up over the things you have no control over, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You aren't the worst person out there by a long shot. You are just someone in distress due to a horrible mental illness.

 

[smvrtsa]

not sure if this is any consolation, but there are pedophiles out there who live shamelessly without an ounce of guilt so i think the fact you're feeling this bad about the thoughts says more about you than the subject of the thoughts themselves.

idk i have really bad ocd too. some days i'll lose maybe 4 or 5 hours of my life obsessing and ruminating. so i understand where you're coming from and that feeling of "okay but what if…" and like not being able to shake the thought off. it's hell!!! but i don't think the thoughts mean you deserve to die. i mean, it's your prerogative if you /choose/ to die but i think actions speak much louder than words. i hope your brain finds some peace and quiet.

 

[Kavka]

OCD and intrusive thoughts really suck! You are not your (intrusive) thoughts though and they don't make you a bad person or reflect who you are. You can't really control your thoughts and trying not to think about something is an almost guaranteed way to think about it constantly.

If people deserved to die based on their thoughts, the human race would go extinct in no time. Is it possible for you to find some distraction right now, preferably something that gets you thinking?

 

[Worndown]

Detecting and reacting negatively is a good sign. You now know of this and can actively work to avoid that behavior.
Actions not thoughts make you bad. Keep chatting and working to stay good.

 

[mrpeter]

It's possible to have an intrusive thought because you are scared of it happening, but your mind is telling you that the intrusive thought is not intrusive and is a real thought. Your brain is probably playing tricks on you.

 

[yeaimhere13]

Most mental illnesses reach their peak at age 35. How old are you? If you have only thought about it once you don't deserve to die, the problem is when it becomes something habitual, everyday, and it increases more and more. Don't think about it now or it will be another problem on the list.

im in my early 20s. ive had intrusive thoughts for years but never about children. never felt like i had to worry about it either. I'm so heartbroken

not sure if this is any consolation, but there are pedophiles out there who live shamelessly without an ounce of guilt so i think the fact you're feeling this bad about the thoughts says more about you than the subject of the thoughts themselves.

idk i have really bad ocd too. some days i'll lose maybe 4 or 5 hours of my life obsessing and ruminating. so i understand where you're coming from and that feeling of "okay but what if…" and like not being able to shake the thought off. it's hell!!! but i don't think the thoughts mean you deserve to die. i mean, it's your prerogative if you /choose/ to die but i think actions speak much louder than words. i hope your brain finds some peace and quiet.

i just never thought the intrusives would be about children. i feel so disgusting. i cant shake it. i started prozac almost a month ago and i felt like i was getting better and now i feel like i just took 20 steps backwards into brand new territory. im legit heartbroken. i would never place my hands on a child

 

[Worndown]

Fight those thoughts. You have the power.

 

[yeaimhere13]

Fight those thoughts. You have the power.

how? any advice is appreciated

 

[Z-A]

It's very common to have these thoughts, much more common than you think. Most people won't say it out loud because it obviously sounds very creepy and worrying. They don't make you or anyone else a murderer, rapist or a pedophile.

You know it's wrong, and that's important. It would be a problem if you didn't think it was wrong. No need to worry about just the thoughts.

Sleep well, don't overthink <3.

 

[theboy]

Identify, analyze and destroy them.

 

[yeaimhere13]

It's very common to have these thoughts, much more common than you think. Most people won't say it out loud because it obviously sounds very creepy and worrying. They don't make you or anyone else a murderer, rapist or a pedophile.

You know it's wrong, and that's important. It would be a problem if you didn't think it was wrong. No need to worry about just the thoughts.

Sleep well, don't overthink <3.

thank you<3333

 

[Worndown]

how? any advice is appreciated

You are already aware of the problem.
If thoughts return, see if you can spot a trigger.
The ultimate resolution is internal. Can you discuss this thought process with anyone, avoiding the subject? There are ways to work this and relieve the burden.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

OCD and intrusive thoughts are often an offshoot of anxiety. So ideally you should get your generalized anxiety under control - I highly recommend looking into an SSRI or SSRI/benzo combination and seeing if that helps.

The thing about intrusive thoughts is that they zero in on the thing you find most horrifying. Knowing that makes things a bit easier, because it's basically telling you that you have a good moral compass and that it's simply OCD trying to mindfuck you on purpose. For a lot of people, this realization alone can alleviate it. It's the mental illness going into the recesses of your mind and deliberately pulling out the one thing that you find most awful.

You can beat this, but maybe not on your own. Please seek help if that's an option.