lostangel
Enlightened
- Mar 22, 2019
- 1,051
I was so close to my jumping spot. I was right behind the barrier I could climb over. All I needed to do was leap over it. I drove 3 hours thinking this would be my last time and then I drove for 3 hours home in shame. I was kicking myself so hard when I walked away from it.
I was emotional and angry leading up to yesterday. I fully thought I was going to do it but when I got up there I felt calm, I wasn't angry or upset about the things that were making me suicidal. I felt in the moment and at peace I had no urge to jump. I think it's because I have never felt at peace or secure in a long time until I was up there I felt powerful as I could have jumped and ended everything.
Those two factors combined hindered me from jumping. I think I'm going to go up there again eventually. I haven't given up on jumping I now know what to expect. I never expected the intense winds they were very strong as in I couldn't walk forward for a second. I've been thinking on going there again but this closing my eyes and doing it.
I was emotional and angry leading up to yesterday. I fully thought I was going to do it but when I got up there I felt calm, I wasn't angry or upset about the things that were making me suicidal. I felt in the moment and at peace I had no urge to jump. I think it's because I have never felt at peace or secure in a long time until I was up there I felt powerful as I could have jumped and ended everything.
Those two factors combined hindered me from jumping. I think I'm going to go up there again eventually. I haven't given up on jumping I now know what to expect. I never expected the intense winds they were very strong as in I couldn't walk forward for a second. I've been thinking on going there again but this closing my eyes and doing it.