Help I could use some advice

[DepressoEspresso]

I'm about to start my second 16 week Spravato/esketamine treatments. I don't have hope, but I'm willing to accept a miniscule improvement over nothing.

Lately, I've just been mentally detached from everything. I don't feel anything, I space out constantly, and I can't even cry. To top it off, I don't recognize myself anymore. My name and face just feels like someone else's. This coupled with the inability to feel success, achievement, or any form of positive feeling has destroyed my ability to expect anything else life could possibly offer. It's like my mental reward system is absent. (It's always been like this)

Every night, I try to convince my body to just let go of life. And every morning I'm just filled with more disappointment. This isn't everything, but I'm just too tired to keep writing.

At this point, is a small recovery even plausible? Or is this just the way things are now? Bound to being nothing more than an empty vessel doing tasks that mean nothing to me.

To give a time span, I haven't had a "good day" in around 10 years now.

I'm open to anything, even terrible advice.

 

[Sensei]

I think it's easier to give advice if we begin at the other end. What have you tried to feel better so far?

 

[WornOutLife]

What's happening to you happened to me for 3 years, when I became a NEET.

I didn't enjoy anything and stared at my wall until I finally understood that doing this was never gonna help.

Thus, I did two things:

1) I started to do basic stuff such as taking a shower everyday, brushing my teeth, doing the dishes, cleaning up my apartment, going for a walk, etc.

2) Find new hobbies and force my interest in them so as to spend some time with my mind focused on them.

These two "methods" gave me more strength to do more stuff and I'm now finally working and studying again.

Also, meds can help. In my case, lamotrigine, bupripion and quetiapine have given me a little push.

Best of luck and hope you can feel better soon!

 

[saltshaker]

Forcing yourself to stay active might allow you to drag yourself out of your depression. It's easier said then done.

 

[Moose.000]

Spravato didn't help me personally, but like I'm sure you've heard a thousand times by now, we all respond different. I felt the same way, hollow. Other medicines that haven't helped me are wellbutrin, paxil, seroquel. Lithium, vistiril and trazodone together do help me. I had a good routine going. I actually felt good, then my insurance company decided to stop covering certain meds, of course lithium and vistiril being two of them. I went back to feeling how you feel now for a loooong time. Now I'm only taking trazodone and prozac. I also started taking kratom 3x a day, about 4 grams. It wakes me up, puts me in a great mood and makes me very personable, focused and energetic. Apparently kratom is "dangerous' according to the medical industry, the same people that create opioid and benzo addicts so I take their advice with a grain of salt. It's done nothing but help me for over 3 years now and it's a supplement you can purchase online, easily. It's much less dangerous than I am to myself when I'm not taking it. Trail and error is a bitch and it seems like there's no light at the end of the tunnel with the meds you're prescribed sometimes. Keep trying, you'll find something that works for you. And when you do, you'll know.