rih
Member
- Aug 23, 2024
- 46
So i've been thinking about this moment for awhile, i have complete solitude for a week; I have rope, i've written some shitty paragraph of a note I just don't know if I should. I think I even got a bit self destructive in hindsight from last week i've upset a few people in a friend group so they aren't really around either I have complete solitude to not be found for a week. I have blades as well I sh'd a lot today, i couldn't quit it but I don't feel 'less' so I sit here contemplating doing it now, or closer to when people return so they can atleast enjoy the trip away or even not doing it in the house and somewhere I won't be found for a few days. I wish it wouldnt be messy like I could just fall asleep and not wake up I haven't slept more than 2 hours at a time for awhile i'm behind in projects in education by a huge deal I don't see a place to belong or a possibility to create one. Wish i planned it more as logistics of body and items is annoying me; i wanna factory reset all my electronics as I don't want anything of mine to really exist or a memory to be persistent. I know partial hanging isn't very successful too i'm hoping bleeding to some degree could help with it which also is just a low rate but i feel desensitized enough to go deeper. I have regrets or hesitations, I do wish I could properly say goodbye to my friends I even tried contacting them but nothing back. I'm not a good person i can acknowledge that too I just wish I could have done more good? which is a weird feeling. I wish i never studied the subject i chose in university lots of weird random thoughts i couldnt care about but keep appearing. i just want to breathe out til nothing is left
