I choose this mortal life

[WornOutLife]

Today I've decided that I will choose this mortal life rather than ctb (for now).
CTB and depression are on my mind everyday but I'm somehow managing to deal with them. I even started going out for walks/runs again (except today because my day was very hectic).

I gotta admit my meds are certainly helping me: lamotrigine, bupropion and quetiapine. It was necessary to have some kind of "push". Unlike therapy, which only made me more suicidal.

Also, venting and discussing about different topics with you is so helpful. I literally have nowhere else in which I can express myself like this so, thanks for being here. You're the best.

I know there will be days on which I will just want to go for it and commit suicide but for the time being, I'll try to live.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[bloomingdark]

It's so inspiring to hear that, i hope you can live day by day with this same energy, at least the ones that don't feel like literal hell, about this site, it feels like the best thing happening to let things go, almost everyone here is well intentioned and knows how's going through this, stay strong and safe

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

We def need to raise a glass and make a toast together someday dude. For what I don't know? Life = death = life = death = life = death = etc....

 

[WornOutLife]

We def need to raise a glass and make a toast together someday dude. For what I don't know? Life = death = life = death = life = death = etc....

I will be drinking this Saturday from 7pm (-3gmt) so you'd better be there! I love going to the chat and talk to people there about random stuff while I'm drunk haha.

 

[Bat 17]

I've similarly decided not to CTB, I have young children and should not do this do them. Like you I have decided to accept that I will think about CTB all the time, and draw support from this forum where I can while trying to get by day by day.

I'm on quetiapine too, plus lithium, sertraline and pregabalin. I can't deny they've stabilised my mood, although at the cost of losing some of the range of my emotions.

Haven't quite got to the stage of going running yet, although my god I need to!

 

[Trisolaris]

Today I've decided that I will choose this mortal life rather than ctb (for now).
CTB and depression are on my mind everyday but I'm somehow managing to deal with them. I even started going out for walks/runs again (except today because my day was very hectic).

I gotta admit my meds are certainly helping me: lamotrigine, bupropion and quetiapine. It was necessary to have some kind of "push". Unlike therapy, which only made me more suicidal.

Also, venting and discussing about different topics with you is so helpful. I literally have nowhere else in which I can express myself like this so, thanks for being here. You're the best.

I know there will be days on which I will just want to go for it and commit suicide but for the time being, I'll try to live.

Hugs and love,

Matt

Are you off the benzodiazepines you were talking? I remember you mentioning taking lorazepam.

 

[Odwin]

I like that you choose to live. Who knows maybe you will get really happy.

 

[WornOutLife]

Are you off the benzodiazepines you were talking? I remember you mentioning taking lorazepam.

Yes!! I'm finally free of those!
I was taking lorazepam, aripiprazol and risperidone. Now, they're fortunately gone.

 

[Isisnefert]

Hoy he decidido que elegiré esta vida mortal en lugar de ctb (por ahora).
El CTB y la depresión están en mi mente todos los días, pero de alguna manera me las arreglo para enfrentarlos. Incluso comencé a salir a caminar / correr nuevamente (excepto hoy porque mi día fue muy agitado).

Debo admitir que mis medicamentos ciertamente me están ayudando: lamotrigina, bupropión y quetiapina . Era necesario tener algún tipo de "empujón". A diferencia de la terapia, que solo me hizo más suicida.

Además, es muy útil desahogarse y discutir sobre diferentes temas con usted. Literalmente no tengo ningún otro lugar en el que pueda expresarme así, gracias por estar aquí. Eres la mejor.

Sé que habrá días en los que solo querré intentarlo y suicidarme, pero por el momento intentaré vivir.

Abrazos y cariño

Mate

I Am happy for you, really, I think you will can be happy in this world

 

[Trisolaris]

Yes!! I'm finally free of those!
I was taking lorazepam, aripiprazol and risperidone. Now, they're fortunately gone.

Did you take lorazepam for a long time? Did you quit cold turkey?

 

[WornOutLife]

Did you take lorazepam for a long time? Did you quit cold turkey?

8 months but I quit little by little.
From 4mg to 2mg, them 1mg and then zero!

 

[Marktheghost]

Good luck. I go for a daily walk at the moment, and I try to go running once a week (I'm about 6 weeks behind schedule due to bad weather and lack of motivation) too.

I think this is my 400th post.

 

[WornOutLife]

Good luck. I go for a daily walk at the moment, and I try to go running once a week (I'm about 6 weeks behind schedule due to bad weather and lack of motivation) too.

I think this is my 400th post.

I'm glad to hear this.
Going from baby steps to giant strides is the key.

Wish you the best!

 

[whywere]

Hi Matt! You are a inspiration to me. You are very kind, caring and thoughtful and your ideas help me every day to make it to the next. You are a great global family member as you are someone that I look up to. Thank you for being you! Walter

 

[WornOutLife]

Hi Matt! You are a inspiration to me. You are very kind, caring and thoughtful and your ideas help me every day to make it to the next. You are a great global family member as you are someone that I look up to. Thank you for being you! Walter

Hey Walt! I feel so flattered! Thank you!

I really appreciate to have a member like you in this community. Your comments and advice are certainly helping lots of people here. Please, continue doing that!

We need more individuals like you.

Hope you have a great Sunday.

As for me, the hangover has just started so, it's gonna be quite a hellish day lol

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm so happy to hear this! I hope you succeed!