I carved the number 1410 into my arm/ impulsive decisions

[deranged]

around 2 years ago I carved the number 1410 into my arm with a pair of dull nail scissors, I have a problem with obsessive impulsive decisions, whenever I find people that I find interesting (real people (like celebrities)or fictional characters) i obsess over them for minutes, weeks or even months, I make their entire personality mine, I take on their traits habits or feel the need to do something permanent to myself as a sort of souvenir, they're all I think about, I also feel very protective over them as if I have some sort of tie to them that other people don't. then suddenly I get bored and despise them and think that they're disgusting. after Watching a shitty low budget k-drama I started obsessing over the main character, a typical depressed teenage Boy with suicidal thoughts. in the series the fictional characters apartment number was… you guessed it 1410. So I outlined it with a sharpie and started carving. after a week I got bored of him and moved on, now I'm stuck with thick keloid scars on my arm despite the dull scissors. it's so fucking stupid lol, another time when I did something similar was when I tried cutting my face to look like the joker. obviously it didn't work but I still have little barely noticeable scars in the corners of my mouth. anyone had any similar experiences? or what do you think about this

 

[soontobec0rpse]

i did that alot with people. i have at least 5 peoples initials somewhere on my body at this point. I have a fairly extreme case of BPD and it was terrible when i was younger. alot of the ones i have now were my attempts to make people stay, it was the same losing game over and over. i got attached, exhibited creepy obsessive habits, they tried to leave, and i'd carve something of them into me. i think it made me feel like they couldn't leave because they were "a part of me". some attempt to gain control. i don't really carve special things recently, i really just lost motivation to make it "meaningful".

 

[acerace]

Not the same but I wrote kill on my thigh. It's not as noticeable because I have worse scars right next to it. It looks awful tho I wish I had a way to remove it or make it less noticeable so I could wear shorts without worrying about if it's showing or not.