I'm sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first nor second language. I also apologise because I think that I'm going to write a lot, but I need help.
I met my now ex-boyfriend on tinder more than a year ago. I did with him everything for the first time like losing my virginity, I met him when I was 24 years old, something that it was very important for me. I told me my deepest secrets and problems that has happened to me since I was little, like being SA when I was 5 years old, my father abandoning me and never caring. My mother beating me up with cables, belts, a figure, kitchen utensils breaking them while beating me up, and even pointing a knife at me once.
My mother then met step father, he has been in my life for like 18 years and he has never said a word of appreciation or absolutely anything. Then he started to beat me up too in high school, also destroying me room, keeping my make up, hair straightener, shampoo, perfumes from me.
It all changed when I met him, he gave me hope and that I was not alone, he was the only friend I had and the most important person in my life. Some things started happening with people around him hurting me, which made me start cutting myself, I've been doing it for probably a year, and I stopped for more than a month until today.
I am diagnosed with ADHD, BPD, depression and anxiety and I am going to therapy. More than a month ago I was living with him in his country and with his parents. Life was not easy there for me without friends and no one to talk. So I was trying to talk with his mom about everything that was in my head, trying to find help. That lead to them kicking me out and saying that I need to go to my country to get help. I live in a small town where there's nothing I can do and where I'm not happy since we moved here. I started going to therapy being in my country and it all went extremely well, I started being happy like never before and letting him have his own space and never bothering him and also supporting him with anything. Everything was going perfect until 3 days ago. 3 days ago I had a tachycardia, I was scared because I've never felt what I was feeling, i tried to contact him and no answer because he was with a friend, I sent him more messages because I was at the hospital and he got mad at me. I couldn't tell him about it because I was scared that he would think that its not good for me to go back to his country because they have private healthcare, not like mine. So I told him that I took pills, something I did previously, he still didn't want to support me with that and left me alone at the hospital for more than 3 hours talking with no one because my parents were in another place for holidays. At the next day he broke up with me. I tried to explain to him the truth, showing him all the proof and papers, and still he decided to leave me. I've never been this sad in my whole life, everything hurts and I just think about dying. I'm absolutely alone, he was all my support. I'm only thinking about how can I kill myself. I've been trying by not drinking and I managed 3 days u till I read an article about a woman living up to 9 and I don't think I can. I just dont want to keep suffering. I know I did bad things, I treated him badly because I'm insecure and I always felt that "why was he with him when there's so many prettier girls out there". I regret everything so much and I wish I could go back in time.
I met my now ex-boyfriend on tinder more than a year ago. I did with him everything for the first time like losing my virginity, I met him when I was 24 years old, something that it was very important for me. I told me my deepest secrets and problems that has happened to me since I was little, like being SA when I was 5 years old, my father abandoning me and never caring. My mother beating me up with cables, belts, a figure, kitchen utensils breaking them while beating me up, and even pointing a knife at me once.
My mother then met step father, he has been in my life for like 18 years and he has never said a word of appreciation or absolutely anything. Then he started to beat me up too in high school, also destroying me room, keeping my make up, hair straightener, shampoo, perfumes from me.
It all changed when I met him, he gave me hope and that I was not alone, he was the only friend I had and the most important person in my life. Some things started happening with people around him hurting me, which made me start cutting myself, I've been doing it for probably a year, and I stopped for more than a month until today.
I am diagnosed with ADHD, BPD, depression and anxiety and I am going to therapy. More than a month ago I was living with him in his country and with his parents. Life was not easy there for me without friends and no one to talk. So I was trying to talk with his mom about everything that was in my head, trying to find help. That lead to them kicking me out and saying that I need to go to my country to get help. I live in a small town where there's nothing I can do and where I'm not happy since we moved here. I started going to therapy being in my country and it all went extremely well, I started being happy like never before and letting him have his own space and never bothering him and also supporting him with anything. Everything was going perfect until 3 days ago. 3 days ago I had a tachycardia, I was scared because I've never felt what I was feeling, i tried to contact him and no answer because he was with a friend, I sent him more messages because I was at the hospital and he got mad at me. I couldn't tell him about it because I was scared that he would think that its not good for me to go back to his country because they have private healthcare, not like mine. So I told him that I took pills, something I did previously, he still didn't want to support me with that and left me alone at the hospital for more than 3 hours talking with no one because my parents were in another place for holidays. At the next day he broke up with me. I tried to explain to him the truth, showing him all the proof and papers, and still he decided to leave me. I've never been this sad in my whole life, everything hurts and I just think about dying. I'm absolutely alone, he was all my support. I'm only thinking about how can I kill myself. I've been trying by not drinking and I managed 3 days u till I read an article about a woman living up to 9 and I don't think I can. I just dont want to keep suffering. I know I did bad things, I treated him badly because I'm insecure and I always felt that "why was he with him when there's so many prettier girls out there". I regret everything so much and I wish I could go back in time.
