Venting I can't trust in him

[Shiro20]

Hey guys I just wanna vent here about my dad, he just showed at home by surprise (he doesn't live with me) cause wanted to talk to me, he said my mom told him that I don't wanna go out of bedroom, that if I get sick I don't wanna go to hospital or any health appointment and well it's true, I don't wanna do any of that here all I want is to move abroad and I already told it to him months ago anyways he was here to talk but I can't trust him not now nor never , he is verbally aggressive and can get physical too I never agree with him so what should I tell him how I am? I know how he is , all I said was "I'm ok , I don't have anything wrong" it's a lie cause I'm constantly thinking about dying sometimes I think more and sometimes less but I do, so... I'm not going to tell my dad how I am or what I plan in my life with details cause it's a waste of time being honest and tell him my stuff or thoughts he's never gonna change , I don't need someone like him in my life... I can't open up to him, I can't trust him.

 

[darksideofthebright]

I am sorry that you have to go through this with your dad. I think if you can't trust him, there is not much point in a conversation really, because of not only personal differences but also generational differences.

Same thing happened to me and my mum (I love her but she's just stuck in her own mindset), and I had to tell her that unless she genuinely felt ready to be openminded and to listen with little judgement, I wouldn't be able to talk to her. She genuinely wanted to support and she made the effort to listen.

In your case, I think you should talk to him only if he shows the effort to adapt himself to your circumstance and to not be aggressive. In case it doesn't go well, I think it's good to talk over a call first.

Hope you feel at ease and find the peace soon. Trust is a process and no one really can force it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

well you live on your own so im going to assume youre an adult. however i dont know where you live so i dont know what the laws are. me personally, i told my parents that if they ever talk to me again im calling the cops on them and getting a restraining order. aside from once at the start i havent heard from them in 5 years.

of course they were also abusing me so maybe you dont have to be that tough on him but its your call

 

[Shiro20]

well you live on your own so im going to assume youre an adult. however i dont know where you live so i dont know what the laws are. me personally, i told my parents that if they ever talk to me again im calling the cops on them and getting a restraining order. aside from once at the start i havent heard from them in 5 years.

of course they were also abusing me so maybe you dont have to be that tough on him but its your call

I live with my mom/aunt and cousin, like she is the best but my dad is other thing, he lives really near but never come to visit me, like he doesn't care at all I guess just wanna show he still has control cause is my dad but rarely appears so I don't need to do that, all I do is barely talk to him so he can go quickly and I just continue doing the same thing with my life

I am sorry that you have to go through this with your dad. I think if you can't trust him, there is not much point in a conversation really, because of not only personal differences but also generational differences.

Same thing happened to me and my mum (I love her but she's just stuck in her own mindset), and I had to tell her that unless she genuinely felt ready to be openminded and to listen with little judgement, I wouldn't be able to talk to her. She genuinely wanted to support and she made the effort to listen.

In your case, I think you should talk to him only if he shows the effort to adapt himself to your circumstance and to not be aggressive. In case it doesn't go well, I think it's good to talk over a call first.

Hope you feel at ease and find the peace soon. Trust is a process and no one really can force it.

Maybe one day when I find the guts I could tell him something like that for now I just talk a bit cause I don't feel like having a conversation with him

 

[Life_and_Death]

I live with my mom/aunt and cousin, like she is the best but my dad is other thing, he lives really near but never come to visit me, like he doesn't care at all I guess just wanna show he still has control cause is my dad but rarely appears so I don't need to do that, all I do is barely talk to him so he can go quickly and I just continue doing the same thing with my life

my friend has someone that visits that he doesnt like very much and he just stays in his room and avoids him. whatever helps you really, even if it only helps a little

 

[Shiro20]

my friend has someone that visits that he doesnt like very much and he just stays in his room and avoids him. whatever helps you really, even if it only helps a little

I do the same but when he wants to see me or talk I try to talk a bit and then he goes

 

[Gnip]

Hey guys I just wanna vent here about my dad, he just showed at home by surprise (he doesn't live with me) cause wanted to talk to me, he said my mom told him that I don't wanna go out of bedroom, that if I get sick I don't wanna go to hospital or any health appointment and well it's true, I don't wanna do any of that here all I want is to move abroad and I already told it to him months ago anyways he was here to talk but I can't trust him not now nor never , he is verbally aggressive and can get physical too I never agree with him so what should I tell him how I am? I know how he is , all I said was "I'm ok , I don't have anything wrong" it's a lie cause I'm constantly thinking about dying sometimes I think more and sometimes less but I do, so... I'm not going to tell my dad how I am or what I plan in my life with details cause it's a waste of time being honest and tell him my stuff or thoughts he's never gonna change , I don't need someone like him in my life... I can't open up to him, I can't trust him.

"Divorcing a Parent" by Beverly Engel is one of the best books I ever read. Unfortunately, it went out of print rather quickly, because Engel failed to walk her talk in a very public way, but this is a classic example of shooting the messenger and keeping the message, a book well worth obtaining and reading to dispose of poisonous parents. (Unfortunately in my case, my parents are a package deal. My mother's a devout Catholic and a good person. Eradicating my father from my life would have required eliminating her as well, a choice I wasn't prepared to make. It ruined my life, but kept my accursed conscience intact. My mother admits I've been a FAR better son than they were as a parental couple, but that's not really a great achievement considering how purposely destructive my father's been.)

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[Life_and_Death]

I do the same but when he wants to see me or talk I try to talk a bit and then he goes

honestly.....and this was a last resort. i got tired of my mother hitting me. one day she slapped me across the face and i looked her dead in the eyes and did it right back. she never touched me after that day. (and ill be honest after everything she did i loved that look of shock on her face lol). im not so sure id advise this though. im just saying thats what i did. only you can assess your own situation.

 

[Gnip]

honestly.....and this was a last resort. i got tired of my mother hitting me. one day she slapped me across the face and i looked her dead in the eyes and did it right back. she never touched me after that day. (and ill be honest after everything she did i loved that look of shock on her face lol). im not so sure id advise this though. im just saying thats what i did. only you can assess your own situation.

Good. If I had the physical capacity to slap my father's face off, I would have, but as I said, I was a weak, Ritalin skinny kid, while he was a homicidally blackout violent evil monster who was five inches taller and over 100 pounds heavier, and a USMC veteran trained in hand to hand killer combat.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Good. If I had the physical capacity to slap my father's face off, I would have, but as I said, I was a weak, Ritalin skinny kid, while he was a homicidally blackout violent evil monster who was five inches taller and over 100 pounds heavier, and a USMC veteran trained in hand to hand killer combat.

I had/have a similar relationship with my dad. I've always been skinny, too. God, I wish I could kick his arrogant ass.