Venting I can’t trust anything anymore!!

[dra1ncoreslwt]

hi I have another vent bc it's been somehow good for me to vent here

it's been real harsh lately and part of me feels like things get worse yet better at the same time? I haven't had a crisis for a couple days but I can't help but be paranoid and anxious all the time, which led me to sh and cause myself an ugly bruise, as if the non stop physical pain isn't enough(neck pain/tightness, shortness of breath, heartache/emotional, nausea, uncomfortable clothes) I may have a broken rib and I was supposed to go to the doctor today but my appointment got cancelled. I feel a bit relieved and distracting myself with my s/o's company has been working, however I've seen it before, I'm scared of how much long I can keep doing this, of how much buildup I can take. again. Idk, not even comfort activities can ease the pain for me, so I'm literally trying to stay alive rn.

anyone else?

 

[Galileo3630]

I used to think about the future constantly and it terrified me to the core, so much so that I'd just harm myself with cuts and etc, but then I saw this tiktok that said: "Don't dwell on the past or hope for a better future, live in the present, that's the best way to live", and well, the way I close out bad memories/trauma and ignore people I despise, that what I'm doing with my future and past, I'm shutting those 2 things out because I hate how my anxiety makes me shake uncontrollably as if I'm dying from hypothermia or something, and so far, I've been feeling a lot better, anxiety wise, wanting CTB is still there. ( Mind you this took me a good month or so to master ).

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

I used to think about the future constantly and it terrified me to the core, so much so that I'd just harm myself with cuts and etc, but then I saw this tiktok that said: "Don't dwell on the past or hope for a better future, live in the present, that's the best way to live", and well, the way I close out bad memories/trauma and ignore people I despise, that what I'm doing with my future and past, I'm shutting those 2 things out because I hate how my anxiety makes me shake uncontrollably as if I'm dying from hypothermia or something, and so far, I've been feeling a lot better, anxiety wise, wanting CTB is still there. ( Mind you this took me a good month or so to master ).

no i know. i don't even have tiktok but i don't have to hear it as i have before, i also don't want to be pessimistic, im just very down to earth, and it's not my past that haunts me but my present, of how i seem to distract myself from stuff but the pain and paranoia is always there regardless of me "getting better" :c ty for this though

 

[Ki_Nam]

I used to think about the future constantly and it terrified me to the core, so much so that I'd just harm myself with cuts and etc, but then I saw this tiktok that said: "Don't dwell on the past or hope for a better future, live in the present, that's the best way to live", and well, the way I close out bad memories/trauma and ignore people I despise, that what I'm doing with my future and past, I'm shutting those 2 things out because I hate how my anxiety makes me shake uncontrollably as if I'm dying from hypothermia or something, and so far, I've been feeling a lot better, anxiety wise, wanting CTB is still there. ( Mind you this took me a good month or so to master ).

This is exactly my situation.

 

[Galileo3630]

no i know. i don't even have tiktok but i don't have to hear it as i have before, i also don't want to be pessimistic, im just very down to earth, and it's not my past that haunts me but my present, of how i seem to distract myself from stuff but the pain and paranoia is always there regardless of me "getting better" :c ty for this though

I feel your pain, but since you have a loved one, hold onto them tight and let them know about your situation, I told my girlfriend and sure, she didn't really care for me other than recommending me to seek for help, but at least she knows that if I CTB, she had her chance to "save" me.

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

I feel your pain, but since you have a loved one, hold onto them tight and let them know about your situation, I told my girlfriend and sure, she didn't really care for me other than recommending me to seek for help, but at least she knows that if I CTB, she had her chance to "save" me.

yeah :( that's what I'm trying to do

 

[Galileo3630]

yeah :( that's what I'm trying to do

I'm glad, I hope your S.O is loving, caring and giving you the tightest hugs imaginable

I hug my gf so tight that I sometimes end up cracking her back hahaha