Venting I can't tell what's happening to me anymore.

[BecomingTired]

A few days ago, I was standing in the bus on my way home when I suddenly just felt a massive headache but at the same time it felt weird, I can't describe it in words. And when I looked around me it felt like the people around me was inhuman or not real; I know it sounds weird but it was like I was looking at completely different entities entirely, and it made me well up in dread as I genuinely felt anxious being near any of them. When I looked out of the window of the bus to check how close I am home, it only made me feel worse because even the outside of the window looked fake like a screen imitating it. I couldn't even tell if whether or not anything was really happening and was the most scared I ever been; the feeling and headache only went away after I reached my bus stop and came off.

Ever since though, I been noticing how disingenuous my feelings are; even when I am alone, it just feels like I am faking my own feelings, but at the same time I can't tell how I genuinely feel, or at least how I'm SUPPOSED to genuinely feel. It's to the point I can't even decide whether I can really trust myself, somewhat like another person is controlling the way I feel my whole life and I just noticed. I know I sound so fucking crazy but this thought process been stuck in my mind and I don't know what to do.

 

[namel3ss]

this is most likely paranoid schizophrenia. i recommend seeking a psychiatrist for a diagnosis.

 

[theboy]

you had a depersonalization. on the other subject, sometimes feelings can be confusing and identifying them is the task we must do to discover them.

 

[BecomingTired]

this is most likely paranoid schizophrenia. i recommend seeking a psychiatrist for a diagnosis.

I'll try that

you had a depersonalization. on the other subject, sometimes feelings can be confusing and identifying them is the task we must do to discover them.

searched it up and it does sound similar to how i felt

 

[broth0100]

Agree w above posters, sounds like some form of psychosis and/or dissociation, i think headaches can occur w psychosis sometimes too

 

[ArjunRamDas]

A few days ago, I was standing in the bus on my way home when I suddenly just felt a massive headache but at the same time it felt weird, I can't describe it in words. And when I looked around me it felt like the people around me was inhuman or not real; I know it sounds weird but it was like I was looking at completely different entities entirely, and it made me well up in dread as I genuinely felt anxious being near any of them. When I looked out of the window of the bus to check how close I am home, it only made me feel worse because even the outside of the window looked fake like a screen imitating it. I couldn't even tell if whether or not anything was really happening and was the most scared I ever been; the feeling and headache only went away after I reached my bus stop and came off.

Ever since though, I been noticing how disingenuous my feelings are; even when I am alone, it just feels like I am faking my own feelings, but at the same time I can't tell how I genuinely feel, or at least how I'm SUPPOSED to genuinely feel. It's to the point I can't even decide whether I can really trust myself, somewhat like another person is controlling the way I feel my whole life and I just noticed. I know I sound so fucking crazy but this thought process been stuck in my mind and I don't know what to do.

Actually this doesn't sound crazy or strange at all to me. What you have described is very concurrent with what people report who have had spiritual awakenings. I would highly recommend you check out the work of Adyashanti. He has a book/Audiobook entitled The End Of Your World. I am curious if you might resonate with experience he mentions in that. There are also a lot of YouTube videos of him where he is answering questions from his students who have had many various experiences and not so dissimilar from yours.

 

[BecomingTired]

Actually this doesn't sound crazy or strange at all to me. What you have described is very concurrent with what people report who have had spiritual awakenings. I would highly recommend you check out the work of Adyashanti. He has a book/Audiobook entitled The End Of Your World. I am curious if you might resonate with experience he mentions in that. There are also a lot of YouTube videos of him where he is answering questions from his students who have had many various experiences and not so dissimilar from yours.

spiritual awakening?

 

[cherry7]

sounds very much like depersonalization/derealization to me. Not crazy at all! Very much a very human experience actually.