Venting I can't take this anymore

[wishicouldctb]

I'm at such a loss. I want it all to be over. I don't know how I'll be able to do it. I can't stand being here anymore. What's the point? Nothing ever goes right for me. Every method is scary. I wish I could just take a bunch of the perception strong sleeping pills but how long will it be until I get them. If I even do get them prescribed. I heard fentanyl od is painless, but I don't know at all where to get those. I used to do drugs but never anything like that, so I don't even know where to start. I hurt so much I can barely breathe. My chest hurts. All I can think about is how much everything hurts and how it will never get better. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I feel so trapped. I wish I was never born.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and torturous feeling so trapped in this existence, I really wish there's the option to just never wake again, it's so incredibly cruel to me how people cannot just choose to easily die in a painless way. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering, I also wish I never existed more than anything.

 

[AnAnonymousCrow]

Hey there. I know what it's like to be at this low, and I am so, so sorry that you've reached this point. No one should ever reach this place. It's a complete hell when you're burning and there's no way to escape. The solutions and the incoming problems demand so much from you. I haven't looked into any OD methods, mostly because of the amount of people who've failed. Don't let that deter you, but whatever you do, please don't be motivated to do it solely on caprice. I get that you're walking on hot coals and you want out; however, leaping off them without any thought can put you in a really bad place. Obviously, I don't know you, nor do I know how to help you. If you can, just let all the emotions out. Find a quiet place, and just do whatever you need to do to express yourself. Let yourself think without judging yourself or remembering the judgment from others, if any. If you're into music, I know a few good songs to abate the melancholy: Grace and the Sky is a Landfill by Jeff Buckley, Down by Lindisfarne, Pleasure Street by Tim Buckley, Concrete Girl by Switchfoot, Say Hello to Heaven by Temple of the Dog, Wots... Uh the Deal by Pink Floyd, One More Suicide by Marcy Playground, and probably the one I've relied the most on, Knockin' On Heaven's Door. Music helps me take the burdens off and unpack them. I hope you find some way to allay the anxieties and sadness, and I hope you can find some peace, even if only for a few hours. Please take care of yourself, and don't be hard on yourself. You're deserving of happiness and freedom. I hope you find them.

 

[wishicouldctb]

Hey there. I know what it's like to be at this low, and I am so, so sorry that you've reached this point. No one should ever reach this place. It's a complete hell when you're burning and there's no way to escape. The solutions and the incoming problems demand so much from you. I haven't looked into any OD methods, mostly because of the amount of people who've failed. Don't let that deter you, but whatever you do, please don't be motivated to do it solely on caprice. I get that you're walking on hot coals and you want out; however, leaping off them without any thought can put you in a really bad place. Obviously, I don't know you, nor do I know how to help you. If you can, just let all the emotions out. Find a quiet place, and just do whatever you need to do to express yourself. Let yourself think without judging yourself or remembering the judgment from others, if any. If you're into music, I know a few good songs to abate the melancholy: Grace and the Sky is a Landfill by Jeff Buckley, Down by Lindisfarne, Pleasure Street by Tim Buckley, Concrete Girl by Switchfoot, Say Hello to Heaven by Temple of the Dog, Wots... Uh the Deal by Pink Floyd, One More Suicide by Marcy Playground, and probably the one I've relied the most on, Knockin' On Heaven's Door. Music helps me take the burdens off and unpack them. I hope you find some way to allay the anxieties and sadness, and I hope you can find some peace, even if only for a few hours. Please take care of yourself, and don't be hard on yourself. You're deserving of happiness and freedom. I hope you find them.

I've been walking on hot coals all my life. This is something I've been thinking about a long time. Music doesn't help. Nothing helps. I have the television on 24/7 to try to get my brain to stop thinking about all the ways I hate myself and all the ways I'm miserable. It used to help. Now even the television can't drown out all the terrible thoughts. I want to bang my head against the wall to get them to stop. I can't do this anymore I need to leave asap. I just hope Ill be strong enough to do it. I'm in complete agony. Every day is a nightmare. Every day hurts more snd more. I need out.

 

[AnAnonymousCrow]

I've been walking on hot coals all my life. This is something I've been thinking about a long time. Music doesn't help. Nothing helps. I have the television on 24/7 to try to get my brain to stop thinking about all the ways I hate myself and all the ways I'm miserable. It used to help. Now even the television can't drown out all the terrible thoughts. I want to bang my head against the wall to get them to stop. I can't do this anymore I need to leave asap. I just hope Ill be strong enough to do it. I'm in complete agony. Every day is a nightmare. Every day hurts more snd more. I need out.

Gosh, I'm really sorry that it's this bad. While it must be very hard to work through every day, I can imagine it's a lot worse to have your own mind constantly attacking you. It hurts my heart to hear what you're dealing with. I suggested music with sad themes because it works in two ways: it gives you something else to focus on, and the propinquity of the themes in the songs to your experiences kinda allows the lyrics to hijack your thoughts. You can focus on yourself through the song. Of course, your mind is bombarding you with negative thoughts, so music might not be the best way to deal with this. But that presents the achilles' heel: if your hate yourself, can't you also hate the source of the hatred? What I mean by this is attacking the source of the negative self-talk. "You're stupid." "Well, you are me, so you must be stupid." It seems silly, but don't think of your mind as some kind of evil entity. Don't think of your mistakes or "bad" qualities as constant and in tune with reality. I'm willing to bet that a lot of the evidence the self-hatred smugly sits on isn't applicable. Most of the time, the best looking people hate themselves. Most of the time, the smartest people discredit themselves. Most of the time, the funniest people don't laugh at all their jokes. Sure, these are generalizations and probably simplifying the issues. But that's the thing: "you" cannot be reduced to a few qualities or events. From interacting with you, you sound like a wonderful person. Someone who can pick up a metaphor and apply it to experience. Someone who can concretely and sequentially express what they are feeling. Someone who is introspective and analytical. I struggle with self-hatred as well, and my advice stems from what I know. Something I like to do is lurk around active, online spaces with lots of voluble people. It's nice to lurk and watch them talk or make jokes. That way, I'm not required to interact with them by social convention and I can jump in any time I want. Hell, sometimes I'll even watch a few streams just to see some human interaction. By the way, if you ever feel the need to vent or whatnot, I'll be happy to listen. I hope you're doing a little better.

 

[Linda]

I'm at such a loss. I want it all to be over. I don't know how I'll be able to do it. I can't stand being here anymore. What's the point? Nothing ever goes right for me. Every method is scary. I wish I could just take a bunch of the perception strong sleeping pills but how long will it be until I get them. If I even do get them prescribed. I heard fentanyl od is painless, but I don't know at all where to get those. I used to do drugs but never anything like that, so I don't even know where to start. I hurt so much I can barely breathe. My chest hurts. All I can think about is how much everything hurts and how it will never get better. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I feel so trapped. I wish I was never born.

"I wish I could ..." That's understandable. We all wish things. But wishing doesn't actually achieve anything. Perhaps you should take some quiet time to figure out your way forward. That might mean ctb, or it might mean trying to make life work. Think it all through, calmly and logically. Then, when you can see a way forward, you can start turning yor plan into reality.
Good luck.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[wishicouldctb]

Gosh, I'm really sorry that it's this bad. While it must be very hard to work through every day, I can imagine it's a lot worse to have your own mind constantly attacking you. It hurts my heart to hear what you're dealing with. I suggested music with sad themes because it works in two ways: it gives you something else to focus on, and the propinquity of the themes in the songs to your experiences kinda allows the lyrics to hijack your thoughts. You can focus on yourself through the song. Of course, your mind is bombarding you with negative thoughts, so music might not be the best way to deal with this. But that presents the achilles' heel: if your hate yourself, can't you also hate the source of the hatred? What I mean by this is attacking the source of the negative self-talk. "You're stupid." "Well, you are me, so you must be stupid." It seems silly, but don't think of your mind as some kind of evil entity. Don't think of your mistakes or "bad" qualities as constant and in tune with reality. I'm willing to bet that a lot of the evidence the self-hatred smugly sits on isn't applicable. Most of the time, the best looking people hate themselves. Most of the time, the smartest people discredit themselves. Most of the time, the funniest people don't laugh at all their jokes. Sure, these are generalizations and probably simplifying the issues. But that's the thing: "you" cannot be reduced to a few qualities or events. From interacting with you, you sound like a wonderful person. Someone who can pick up a metaphor and apply it to experience. Someone who can concretely and sequentially express what they are feeling. Someone who is introspective and analytical. I struggle with self-hatred as well, and my advice stems from what I know. Something I like to do is lurk around active, online spaces with lots of voluble people. It's nice to lurk and watch them talk or make jokes. That way, I'm not required to interact with them by social convention and I can jump in any time I want. Hell, sometimes I'll even watch a few streams just to see some human interaction. By the way, if you ever feel the need to vent or whatnot, I'll be happy to listen. I hope you're doing a little better.

Gosh, I'm really sorry that it's this bad. While it must be very hard to work through every day, I can imagine it's a lot worse to have your own mind constantly attacking you. It hurts my heart to hear what you're dealing with. I suggested music with sad themes because it works in two ways: it gives you something else to focus on, and the propinquity of the themes in the songs to your experiences kinda allows the lyrics to hijack your thoughts. You can focus on yourself through the song. Of course, your mind is bombarding you with negative thoughts, so music might not be the best way to deal with this. But that presents the achilles' heel: if your hate yourself, can't you also hate the source of the hatred? What I mean by this is attacking the source of the negative self-talk. "You're stupid." "Well, you are me, so you must be stupid." It seems silly, but don't think of your mind as some kind of evil entity. Don't think of your mistakes or "bad" qualities as constant and in tune with reality. I'm willing to bet that a lot of the evidence the self-hatred smugly sits on isn't applicable. Most of the time, the best looking people hate themselves. Most of the time, the smartest people discredit themselves. Most of the time, the funniest people don't laugh at all their jokes. Sure, these are generalizations and probably simplifying the issues. But that's the thing: "you" cannot be reduced to a few qualities or events. From interacting with you, you sound like a wonderful person. Someone who can pick up a metaphor and apply it to experience. Someone who can concretely and sequentially express what they are feeling. Someone who is introspective and analytical. I struggle with self-hatred as well, and my advice stems from what I know. Something I like to do is lurk around active, online spaces with lots of voluble people. It's nice to lurk and watch them talk or make jokes. That way, I'm not required to interact with them by social convention and I can jump in any time I want. Hell, sometimes I'll even watch a few streams just to see some human interaction. By the way, if you ever feel the need to vent or whatnot, I'll be happy to listen. I hope you're doing a little bet

Gosh, I'm really sorry that it's this bad. While it must be very hard to work through every day, I can imagine it's a lot worse to have your own mind constantly attacking you. It hurts my heart to hear what you're dealing with. I suggested music with sad themes because it works in two ways: it gives you something else to focus on, and the propinquity of the themes in the songs to your experiences kinda allows the lyrics to hijack your thoughts. You can focus on yourself through the song. Of course, your mind is bombarding you with negative thoughts, so music might not be the best way to deal with this. But that presents the achilles' heel: if your hate yourself, can't you also hate the source of the hatred? What I mean by this is attacking the source of the negative self-talk. "You're stupid." "Well, you are me, so you must be stupid." It seems silly, but don't think of your mind as some kind of evil entity. Don't think of your mistakes or "bad" qualities as constant and in tune with reality. I'm willing to bet that a lot of the evidence the self-hatred smugly sits on isn't applicable. Most of the time, the best looking people hate themselves. Most of the time, the smartest people discredit themselves. Most of the time, the funniest people don't laugh at all their jokes. Sure, these are generalizations and probably simplifying the issues. But that's the thing: "you" cannot be reduced to a few qualities or events. From interacting with you, you sound like a wonderful person. Someone who can pick up a metaphor and apply it to experience. Someone who can concretely and sequentially express what they are feeling. Someone who is introspective and analytical. I struggle with self-hatred as well, and my advice stems from what I know. Something I like to do is lurk around active, online spaces with lots of voluble people. It's nice to lurk and watch them talk or make jokes. That way, I'm not required to interact with them by social convention and I can jump in any time I want. Hell, sometimes I'll even watch a few streams just to see some human interaction. By the way, if you ever feel the need to vent or whatnot, I'll be happy to listen. I hope you're doing a little better.

Yeah music used to be one of my distractions too. Now that I'm at the low I'm at all of it only makes me wish I could go back to when things were just a little better. If you knew me in person I doubt you'd think I was wonderful. I don't have anyone in my life besides my family. People just don't like me and never have. And I guess I can't blame them I've never much liked myself either. Thanks for trying to be positive and make me feel better, but nothing can. The only thing that will help me is dying. And every day I pray I will peacefully in my sleep.

 

[AnAnonymousCrow]

Yeah music used to be one of my distractions too. Now that I'm at the low I'm at all of it only makes me wish I could go back to when things were just a little better. If you knew me in person I doubt you'd think I was wonderful. I don't have anyone in my life besides my family. People just don't like me and never have. And I guess I can't blame them I've never much liked myself either. Thanks for trying to be positive and make me feel better, but nothing can. The only thing that will help me is dying. And every day I pray I will peacefully in my sleep.

If that's the only way you'll find peace, I hope it works out for you. Wishing you nothing but the best.