usagi
New Member
- Jul 19, 2019
- 1
hi. I've never posted on a forum in my life, so this is my first time.
I'll try and keep it short.
I've struggled with ptsd, bpd, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, you name it.
I had a very traumatic and violent childhood with my step father who is thankfully no longer in my life, and my real parents were very neglectful and ignored to my pleas for help as I was called a liar and attention seeker.
My first attempt was when I tried to hang myself at 12, i'm 25 now.
I've lost more than 5 people in my life to suicide, and in Jan my closest friend took her life.
I've been nosediving and as of last night, decided I couldn't take it anymore.
Tried to hang myself with a shitty noose and it failed. I tried calling lines but was hung up on. Eventually one line spoke to me for 20 mins but I felt worse after it and attempted again, but my second noose wasn't working either.
Cops arrived at my place around 7am. There's only 1 MHU in my city and the nurses in there are extremely vile and abusive. Doesn't help my partners brother is one of those nurses and hates me for my illnesses, the irony.
So here we are, the next day. I tried again Kate Spade style but SI kicked in.
I'm frustrated and miserable.
I can't talk to my friends or family as they have proven to just look poorly on me or shame me.
I'm lost in my pain and can't even kill myself properly.
Where does one go from here?
I'm still actively planning but I'm open to see what others say.
I'll try and keep it short.
I've struggled with ptsd, bpd, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, you name it.
I had a very traumatic and violent childhood with my step father who is thankfully no longer in my life, and my real parents were very neglectful and ignored to my pleas for help as I was called a liar and attention seeker.
My first attempt was when I tried to hang myself at 12, i'm 25 now.
I've lost more than 5 people in my life to suicide, and in Jan my closest friend took her life.
I've been nosediving and as of last night, decided I couldn't take it anymore.
Tried to hang myself with a shitty noose and it failed. I tried calling lines but was hung up on. Eventually one line spoke to me for 20 mins but I felt worse after it and attempted again, but my second noose wasn't working either.
Cops arrived at my place around 7am. There's only 1 MHU in my city and the nurses in there are extremely vile and abusive. Doesn't help my partners brother is one of those nurses and hates me for my illnesses, the irony.
So here we are, the next day. I tried again Kate Spade style but SI kicked in.
I'm frustrated and miserable.
I can't talk to my friends or family as they have proven to just look poorly on me or shame me.
I'm lost in my pain and can't even kill myself properly.
Where does one go from here?
I'm still actively planning but I'm open to see what others say.
