Venting I cant study for shit

[og.]

I keep fucking trying but the extreme brain fog my mind goes blank and i keep getting distracted I try so hard to study but at this point its stressing me so much that ill just kill myself better than disappointong my parents more
my dad already told me that im a disappointment to my face even when I used to get good grades and I dont want to be a disappointment to my family anymore

sometimes i wonder if they could be the reason of my fucked up mental I used to get brutually beaten alot when I was a kid for stupid shit and sometimes for no reason at all while laighing about it and always fighting constantly all the time infront of me people made me grow to hate them told me that Im "traumatic" and im rebellious just so i can get back at them for what they did to me and ive never really associated it with trauma and didnt think that it really fucked me up as a person but idk anymore

They caught me cutting yesterday and I was forced to take off my shirt to show all the cut marks and they kept screaming at me and calling me crazy instead if helping me or getting a therapist

 

[CommitSudoku]

It's hard trying to do everything for someone else or not to "fail" them. Seems we then fail ourselves since we never bother to truly prioritize ourselves and get to be stacked with guilt and anxiety and so much.

It's great you're trying though, it's truly a battle but any effort is still effort. I know that won't mean much but still. I don't know your full situation so I can't say much but good luck. Maybe get up and walk around and take a proper break from things before resuming. Or even make a to-do list to organize what you need to do and so you can feel productive. Just thoughts. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[karasu]

I can relate to how you feel. Along with being depressed, I also deal with eating disorder issues which makes my brain fog worse. I've already graduated but when I was in school, it was so hard for me to retain information and it took me an incredible amount of effort to think critically and produce decent work for my classes. I couldn't pursue the things I wanted due to parental pressures and in the end, I didn't end up being able to study and graduate with a major my parents wished I could've. I know how much of a disappoint I am. Ever since then, I feel like my life has just been on a sharp decline as I am now a shut in who does nothing useful all day, every day.

I'm sorry I don't really have much of anything positive to say on the topic. I think it's more important if you can grow to overcome the need to live up to someone else's expectations and focus more on what you want and would like to achieve out of life. Try to focus on working towards what you want instead of what someone else wants. It took me a long time to realize this way of thinking and I wish I could've done school the way I wanted to and not how my parents wanted me to. It's hard when it's at a time where you feel a lot of pressure from your parents but ultimately, they will not be the ones living your life. Only you will be.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering. This life really can be so stressful and tiring. Some people are just so cruel, it must have been so awful what you went through. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Freedomindeath4me]

I can relate. In my severe depression I can't think for shit, can't learn basic things, can't focus, can't remember for shit, can't take an interest in shit I don't care about and feel no motivation but to lay down and rot and make shitty impotent suicide attempts.

 

[Foresight]

Your dad is a fucking asshole, sorry. Don't kill yourself over parents, they're more irrelevant than you think when you're young. Your parents in particular sound insane.

You have to get out. I really recommend trying life outside of their home before you die but I know that's not always possible or easy.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I keep fucking trying but the extreme brain fog my mind goes blank and i keep getting distracted I try so hard to study but at this point its stressing me so much that ill just kill myself better than disappointong my parents more
my dad already told me that im a disappointment to my face even when I used to get good grades and I dont want to be a disappointment to my family anymore

sometimes i wonder if they could be the reason of my fucked up mental I used to get brutually beaten alot when I was a kid for stupid shit and sometimes for no reason at all while laighing about it and always fighting constantly all the time infront of me people made me grow to hate them told me that Im "traumatic" and im rebellious just so i can get back at them for what they did to me and ive never really associated it with trauma and didnt think that it really fucked me up as a person but idk anymore

They caught me cutting yesterday and I was forced to take off my shirt to show all the cut marks and they kept screaming at me and calling me crazy instead if helping me or getting a therapist

If your parents are that horrible to you, who cares if they're disappointed anyway? Just get away from them as soon as you can. Get your own life, and just visit them once a year at Christmas to remind yourself of why you left! Honestly, from someone who knows - moving away may be scary, but it's nothing compared to the hell of staying.

 

[fox_wannabe]

This sounds really tough. Do not think about your parents. You don't study to make them proud. You study to get good job and run away from abusive parents.

 

[Pluto]

I can't study either. It's a frustrating nightmare. Not everyone learns the same way, and a more enlightened educational institution would be able to account for that. I've suffered through a minimum of study to attain basic qualifications before, but have otherwise focused on hands-on work.

I've also had to get away from toxic parents. It doesn't matter if they mean well at some level. There is a time and place to just get out any way you can.