
ChiseHatori
Student
- Mar 2, 2023
- 100
My current closest friend confessed he REALLY loved me today and I just... I can't. My BF has been my rock and everything for five years plus. Also my best friend but like elevated you know? Hard to describe but the issue is I have major feelings about both and I can't fucking do anything about it, I'm so fucking selfish. I want to just dissappear forever, CTB or at the very least go off the grid forever but I would feel like such an ass I can't ghost or block people let alone... that.
I don't understand why anyone likes me!! I am annoying, disabled, autistic, trauma filled to the brim... you name it I got it!! I've always been a fucking burden I just wish I wasn't so good at hiding it with humor and my art etc. My friend didn't even realize I could be suicidal until I admitted it even though it looked so obvious to me, guess that's how it is... anyway...
I've just been shaking and panicking and I feel like such a privileged idiot, everyone here on this site deserves this love so so so so so much more than me. God. God! I hope I can somehow channel it out of me and into one of you when I die! Fuck! Help me!!
I don't understand why anyone likes me!! I am annoying, disabled, autistic, trauma filled to the brim... you name it I got it!! I've always been a fucking burden I just wish I wasn't so good at hiding it with humor and my art etc. My friend didn't even realize I could be suicidal until I admitted it even though it looked so obvious to me, guess that's how it is... anyway...
I've just been shaking and panicking and I feel like such a privileged idiot, everyone here on this site deserves this love so so so so so much more than me. God. God! I hope I can somehow channel it out of me and into one of you when I die! Fuck! Help me!!