When the forum was down some days ago I was extremely desperate. I needed to vent about my horrible life. I was in huge emotional pain. And writing about this pain in this forum is really comforting me. I tried other forums but it is just not the same. Nowhere else can I be that open and honest about my severe longterm suicidality. In other forums I got condescending and judgemental comments for my wish to die. I had the feeling people gawked at my posts because I was not like them. I am just not a positive person. I am obsessed about (my own) suicide. And this will not stop till I die. I have now for almost one decade severe (daily) suicidality. Therapists have given up and friends are overwhelmed by emtional outcry of pain. Why want all the people take this from me? I have not many ways to cope. There are barely any tips which help against my living hell.
It gives me strength to keep on fighting due to the fact that there are peaceful methods how to exit my life. I demand that right. It stems from a rational consideration. I have made this decision 4 years ago. I have not regretted it at any day since then. I am convinced to die when my life becomes again unbearable. The society and many other people want to deny me that right. Other people are blackmailing me to live on. My dad said he will stop giving me money in case I talk to a assisted suicide organization. This is how suicidal people are treated in this world.
Therapists have abandoned me and they will do it again. The society does not give a fuck about vulnerable people like me. The welfare system is a joke. I understand if we say due to economical reasons we can't give unemployed people more money. But then the society should be that honest to offer these people an escape. Sounds harsh but I am ready to except that. Just don't be that hypocritical to turn away from these people in order to ease your guilty conscience. Cases like me exist and they also will not cease to exist. People who were victims of severe child abuse and bullying which made their daily life a living hell.
I disgust the decision makers who look away from these fates. Do I have to jump in front of a train or what? Do I have to fear severe permanent damage in case my suicide attempt fails? Do I have to exit this world alone without someone holding my hand? Do I have to feel like a criminal when I try to manage a peaceful way to die? I want to die with dignity. And I have this right. In coming centuries they will look with disdain at the current generations how they dehumanize suicidal people.
It gives me strength to keep on fighting due to the fact that there are peaceful methods how to exit my life. I demand that right. It stems from a rational consideration. I have made this decision 4 years ago. I have not regretted it at any day since then. I am convinced to die when my life becomes again unbearable. The society and many other people want to deny me that right. Other people are blackmailing me to live on. My dad said he will stop giving me money in case I talk to a assisted suicide organization. This is how suicidal people are treated in this world.
Therapists have abandoned me and they will do it again. The society does not give a fuck about vulnerable people like me. The welfare system is a joke. I understand if we say due to economical reasons we can't give unemployed people more money. But then the society should be that honest to offer these people an escape. Sounds harsh but I am ready to except that. Just don't be that hypocritical to turn away from these people in order to ease your guilty conscience. Cases like me exist and they also will not cease to exist. People who were victims of severe child abuse and bullying which made their daily life a living hell.
I disgust the decision makers who look away from these fates. Do I have to jump in front of a train or what? Do I have to fear severe permanent damage in case my suicide attempt fails? Do I have to exit this world alone without someone holding my hand? Do I have to feel like a criminal when I try to manage a peaceful way to die? I want to die with dignity. And I have this right. In coming centuries they will look with disdain at the current generations how they dehumanize suicidal people.
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