I can't imagine a normal life with SH scars

[brain-fog]

I used to self-harm years ago. Eventually I stopped, because my general mental state got better, but the scars obviously are still there, and considering how deep and plentiful they are, they will probably stay with me forever. I am far from perfect, but I am trying to self-improve, which in my case is starting an apprenticeship. The problem hereby is though, that everybody will see me as some kind of freak for having those scars, in particular because I am an adult man (probably the demography, who is the least accepted to have this). What kind of woman is okay with her partner having such scars? Probably only other fucked up people, but even that is wishful thinking, because in reality nobody wants such a person. The same applies for job interviews and coworkers. There is all this talk about acceptance and this, yet those people wouldn't even bother giving me a job interview with those scars. Worst of all is, that I agree with them. It's reasonable to not employ some kind of freak with ugly scars on his arms, which are a dead giveaway for a mental defect. Very reasonable actually. There is this sentiment, that you can hide your scars and everything will be solved, but this is only uttered by people, who never had such scars or on very convenient places to begin with, since at some point, you just are going to get into a situation, where you have to show them. With a woman you like earlier than maybe on a job, though at some point you are going to have to show them. There is no escaping, no hiding, no nothing, it just doesn't work.

I fear prejudice of other people for having those scars, in particular in the examples I brought (coworkers, job interview, potential female partner). Is there anything I can do about it?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

There are plenty of men out there who have SH scars and who have no trouble finding a girlfriend. A lot of women don't care about shit like that. A lot of employers also likely won't give a shit either. Plenty of people with SH scars have no trouble finding jobs. If your SH scars bother you that much you can look into getting them treated in order to reduce their appearance.

 

[futurecorpse]

First and foremost, congratulations on staying safe from SH! It's a really difficult and painful thing to overcome. I also wish you the best in your apprenticeship. You're not a freak for having scars. I think most people have scars, including those we can't see. It means you were in the midst of a difficult battle and survived. Perhaps thinking of them as battle scars can help. If I was interested in a man and he told me about his past with SH and confessed to having scars, I would have empathy and compassion for him. I've struggled with the behavior for 12 years, so I absolutely have no room to judge. My only hope and concern is that he's making the effort to get better and we don't trigger each other. If he's understanding of that boundary then I don't see why I wouldn't date him (unless he's an asshole).

I'm covered in tattoos. I have sleeves to conceal my scars, but if you look closely you can still see them. And I know they're there. Truthfully, having them covered makes me feel empowered and a bit more comfortable in my skin. Getting tattoos is my way of taking back control. You can still see the scars on my thighs, though. People will judge what they don't understand. That's just how it is. But I think as long as you know yourself, your worth, and your truth, what other people think doesn't really matter. And if a woman you like isn't okay with your scars and your past, then she can look somewhere else. Having scars does not dictate your worth as a person nor as an employee.

 

[tryingtoquietdown]

1) From experience, many women, including non-fucked up ones, like men with scars. Just beware the ones who fetishize them
2) Tattoos, scar-healing cream, or scar-removing cosmetic procedures can help a lot. If you don't want big dark tattoos, you can look into tattooing to match the scars to your skin tone instead of covering them with designs
3) Wearing long sleeves is surprisingly effective at keeping people from noticing scars on your arms (even when they roll up, people are just less likely to notice)
4) Other people aren't thinking about your scars nearly as much as you are. Not saying they WON'T notice them, but you'd be surprised at how much the majority of people don't notice or care

 

[Regen]

Same with me. I regret how my arms look every day. If they were accident scars it wouldn't be a major problem. But you're immediately in the psycho drawer, no matter how long it's been.

To be honest, I always wore long clothes to work. It was heat hell. I would still do it that way again at any time. There is no good solution. If I were to wear short clothes, I would try to be casual about it and say that some of the sins of youth are impossible to get rid of. Have it in your head that you have the scars not because you are a freak but because not everyone has an easy childhood and you are a superhero because you survived this trauma. Your scars are not a sign of weakness but show your strength in having survived bad things in the past. You need this or a similar attitude towards your colleagues because they should admire your ability to survive as they would admire other victims of traumatic events.

In everyday life I always make sure that the first contact with someone takes place without them seeing my scars. So that he gets to know me as a normal woman. If you only show the scars later, the first impression is not that of being a psycho. I usually do very well with this.

I really regret it so much, my life would be different without the scars. I feel sorry for you that you struggle with these problems too.

 

[avalokitesvara]

I got a huge crush on someone at an old job partly because of seeing some intense SH scars on the arms. It endeared me to them.

 

[resurgence]

my arms and legs and chest (including breasts) are covered in scars. hands too. im getting tattoos over my hands cuz i dont like seeing them.
my forearms and calf area on my legs are just entirely scar tissue.. it looks more like i survived some type of bad burns. i dont really think about any of them anymore. its just my skin. no one points them out because like...duh they are there. and its pretty obvious Why they are there. but they are clearly white, and old. so old that using them against me makes no sense.

people do not see your scars as a man and think you're weak, or some fucked up freak. a potential partner who sees self inflicted scars and then loses interest never was the person for you. your scars dont define you, its a part of your past. i promise you no one cares about them as much as you do. i'd think you were strong if you were some random i saw somewhere and i'd wanna talk to you.

 

[whywere]

I have through the decides I have worked with and have had many folks report to me.

I first wanted to state that aspect because it is what one brings to the table that counts period. I mean by this willingness to have an open mind, work with the global team and be able to add and move forward.

AS far as the interview aspect goes, tough one for sure. If the scars are on the arms where a long sleeve dress shirt will cover them, great, as you did not specify where the scars are.

Getting your foot in the door is all that matters, because after that it is up to YOU, NOT scars what will determine you and only you.

Your thread speaks of love, caring, thoughtfulness and intelligence, this is WHAT firms look for, at least this is my experience in the business world of 50 years.

Lots of caring thoughts, love and the knowledge that you are a WINNER and never let anyone tell you differently.

Walter

 

[The_Hunter]

I got a huge crush on someone at an old job partly because of seeing some intense SH scars on the arms. It endeared me to them.

I also was inspired to become friends with someone after seeing their SH scars; it made me feel like they were someone I could trust to talk about my suicidal ideations with. Sometimes it can be a shibboleth, in a way. I can definitely see how it can be endearing.

 

[MidnightCat]

I'm a man in my 30s with scars on my arms and thighs.

When I was younger I used to be very flirty, so I had a bunch of relationships with girls and... Every single one of them was okay with that, specially when they where at least kinda healed

Spoiler: SH trigger

(not fresh enough to bleed).

As for jobs go... Only the ones in my arms are showing, I usually just wear long sleeves to the interview, after that it's freedom, if someone notices it I just tell they're scars from me falling my motorcycle when I was younger or something along those lines.

To be honest, now that they're mostly healed (I mean, they're 15 years old, lol) most of the time people don't even see them although they're quite visible to me, usually only notices them people who also SH.

They hurt from time to time when it's cold or it's raining, and sometimes I'm quite complexed by them, but most people just don't really see them or care about them.

I got a huge crush on someone at an old job partly because of seeing some intense SH scars on the arms. It endeared me to them.

This.

Whenever I see someone with SH scars I try to be friends with them. I know how it feels and what drives you to do that so I want to help as much as possible.

They're also endearing to me, so sometimes they might have helped into getting in a relationship with said person. It's like a sign that says that person has gone through the same as I did, so they're usually more understanding, more sensible, and after all it's another thing on common.

There's times when if I had recieved a hug, I would have not SH'd that day. So I want to be there for people to hug them, so, just maybe, I can help avoid at least some scars.