WonderlandsFallen
Member
- Jan 4, 2022
- 10
I have ruined any chance I had at a happily ever after. I am suicidal but scared.
For reasons I don't wish to delve into, I have completely ruined my life. I'm stuck, jobless, heartbroken by my own actions, fearful, anxiety ridden, and desperate for a change.
I lay in bed everyday, hardly able to manage to leave my room. My hair and teeth are unbrushed, my body is unbathed. I cannot keep living. I am so extremely lost and I'm just being dragged by other people and their decisions for me. And I deserve it. I deserve to not have a choice. I deserve to be in pain. I deserve to be hurt. But when will my debt be paid? When will I feel like I deserve to be happy again? I've destroyed everything and I deserve to die. So why won't death just take me? Why won't my pain stop and why can't I just CTB? I'm so scared of it. I can't manage to S.H. properly. I can't. Even though I want to.
How can I be so addicted to pain and yet so weak? I don't know. Thank you for reading my rambles.
For reasons I don't wish to delve into, I have completely ruined my life. I'm stuck, jobless, heartbroken by my own actions, fearful, anxiety ridden, and desperate for a change.
I lay in bed everyday, hardly able to manage to leave my room. My hair and teeth are unbrushed, my body is unbathed. I cannot keep living. I am so extremely lost and I'm just being dragged by other people and their decisions for me. And I deserve it. I deserve to not have a choice. I deserve to be in pain. I deserve to be hurt. But when will my debt be paid? When will I feel like I deserve to be happy again? I've destroyed everything and I deserve to die. So why won't death just take me? Why won't my pain stop and why can't I just CTB? I'm so scared of it. I can't manage to S.H. properly. I can't. Even though I want to.
How can I be so addicted to pain and yet so weak? I don't know. Thank you for reading my rambles.