Venting I can't do this to my little brother

[binnarin]

I am the world to him, i'm the only person who seem to understand him, he is different, suffers from depressive episodes as well and he's been on edge for the last 2 years when i went abroad to study. When I came back, he got much better and he's just comforted with me being around, coz our parents seriously do not know how to raise a child and we both suffer from childhood trauma.

Now for me, I am done with life, i have a couple of mental conditions that are making my life harder and harder and sometimes unbearable; i think the smart and simple solution is to ctb. I've done my research and i am ready to do it. Except i can't get over thinking about my brother; he's just a victim like all of us of our parents stupid mistake (giving us the gift of life), and me killing myself would just make his life unbearable; he's so sensitive and fragile.. if i proceed he would be more miserable than ever, i feel stuck and i really want this to end. But nature is just playing another trick in the book just to make me stay alive. FUCK YOU NATURE

Sorry this im just venting; im not expecting any solution coz i i know there isn't any other than waiting for my brother to die which will probably be an extremely long time to go through.
Also thank you for this place. Just lurking here makes me feel understood - at least

 

[Hunter]

Mind if I ask how old he is?

 

[binnarin]

he

Mind if I ask how old he is?

sure, he's turning 16

 

[Deleted member 847]

Don't do it then (?)

 

[Billy The Human]

I some understand, my mother is what keeps me here, but at this point it's only a matter of time

 

[binnarin]

ak

Don't do it then (?)

fine, i won't. case closed.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

ak

fine, i won't. case closed.

Maybe wait a few years if you can.
Just wait until he's an adult and living his life may it be with college or having a job so he can provide for himself.
The pain of suicide is inevitable and there's bound to be at least one person, possibly more, that will be effected by the suicide.

 

[skyofAuroras]

I can relate. I have a little sister who also sometimes goes through depressive episodes. She's the sweetest person and I would hate to hurt her with my death.

 

[QueSeraSera]

I am the world to him, i'm the only person who seem to understand him, he is different, suffers from depressive episodes as well and he's been on edge for the last 2 years when i went abroad to study. When I came back, he got much better and he's just comforted with me being around, coz our parents seriously do not know how to raise a child and we both suffer from childhood trauma.

Now for me, I am done with life, i have a couple of mental conditions that are making my life harder and harder and sometimes unbearable; i think the smart and simple solution is to ctb. I've done my research and i am ready to do it. Except i can't get over thinking about my brother; he's just a victim like all of us of our parents stupid mistake (giving us the gift of life), and me killing myself would just make his life unbearable; he's so sensitive and fragile.. if i proceed he would be more miserable than ever, i feel stuck and i really want this to end. But nature is just playing another trick in the book just to make me stay alive. FUCK YOU NATURE

Sorry this im just venting; im not expecting any solution coz i i know there isn't any other than waiting for my brother to die which will probably be an extremely long time to go through.
Also thank you for this place. Just lurking here makes me feel understood - at least

You're very intelligent. I like the way you write and express yourself.

But...your brother is not your child. You have some sort of co-dependency thing going with him. You're actually teaching him to believe he is a victim, helpless, and nothing without YOU. Do you enjoy having him be so attached to you like this? That isn't healthy for HIM especially if you actually do decide to kill yourself.

If you want him to be happy, INDEPENDENT of you, allow it. And stop making your brother an excuse as to why you can't kill yourself. It comes off as if your brother has the power to make you decide what to do.....

Can you explain? I get the whole protective thing, but it's a bit odd.

 

[binnarin]

Maybe wait a few years if you can.
Just wait until he's an adult and living his life may it be with college or having a job so he can provide for himself.
The pain of suicide is inevitable for everybody and there's bound to be at least one person, possibly more, that will be effected by suicide.

yes sometimes i just wish i was an only child, i don't care if my parents suffer from my loss cause i think they are responsible for having me and therefore everything that happens to me. But innocent little loved ones deserve better.. they had nothing to do with this..

 

[binnarin]

You're very intelligent. I like the way you write and express yourself.

But...your brother is not your child. You have some sort of co-dependency thing going with him. You're actually teaching him to believe he is a victim, helpless, and nothing without YOU. Do you enjoy having him be so attached to you like this? That isn't healthy for HIM especially if you actually do decide to kill yourself.

If you want him to be happy, INDEPENDENT of you, allow it. And stop making your brother an excuse as to why you can't kill yourself. It comes off as if your brother has the power to make you decide what to do.....

Can you explain? I get the whole protective thing, but it's a bit odd.

You might have a point here; i may have something to do with it; maybe it's bcoz i didn't want him to turn out like me;so i tried to take the role of my parents and make up for the emotional support he lacked;; i thought it would save him from becoming a depressed passive unhappy person i am.. but i guess its not really healthy being too attached to the point of dependency to another person.

 

[QueSeraSera]

You might have a point here; i may have something to do with it; maybe it's bcoz i didn't want him to turn out like me;so i tried to take the role of my parents and make up for the emotional support he lacked;; i thought it would save him from becoming a depressed passive unhappy person i am.. but i guess its not really healthy being too attached to the point of dependency to another person.

You didn't want him to turn out like you, yet you latch onto each other. Birds of a feather flock together. I need you to think on that for 24 hours. If you were a Heroin addict, would you want your brother to latch onto you? Do you not believe he may also take on your traits?

MISERY LOVES COMPANY.

Depressed people can not teach people to be happy. You, as a depressed person, took a child under your wing. How is that working for you? I barely have energy for MYSELF. How can you carry a human when your own legs can't carry yourself?

If only you loved yourself as much as you love your brother....what's that about?