Venting I can’t do this for much longer, CTB day approaching.

[Mustkeyknow]

I had a horrible session with my therapist yesterday where he basically said he's giving up on me and that it's either my career or my depression treatment but I can't do both because if I want to advance my career I have to move out of this city and that's not advisable due to my suicide tendencies.

Then on Saturday I had a fight with my GF because she got it all together she got her life figured out and is right on track to become the next Steve jobs or whatever and she said to me how she feels sorry I'm suicidal but she's ok because her life is so great and I'm like, what the fuck? Why are you telling that to a suicidal person? Anyway I was mean to her after that and she's upset but I don't care to be honest, it's only a matter of time before we break up for good. I think she's hurting me more than helping.

And I've been to job interviews but I'm getting exhausted, it's all the same bullshit answering the same questions and then they don't follow up for some reason so I'm left with some shitty offers because that's all I got.

I'm alone and I've been alone for quite some time, it's crazy that the last time I felt like I was in good company was during my suicide attempt at the psychiatrist ward where I met all these guys who were actually pretty cool. Other than that I got no one. This forum helps though.

I don't think this is going to improve, it looks like it's getting worse. I'm getting old no one will hire me, I'm exhausted of job interview after job interview that end up in nothing. I'm tired.

All that's keeping me alive are cigarettes and dr. Pepper. I don't think realistically speaking that this is getting any better.

I'm going to wait for answers on some job interviews , i mean it'll take a miracle but maybe I can land a good job, if I don't hear from them I'll be CTBing next week I feel.

I just wanna sleep forever.

 

[Skyview]

Hey , you say you are getting old ! Are you in your sixties?
What's your definition of a good job , one that gives satisfaction or one that pays well ?
Sometimes you can have your cake and eat it in which case I hope you find a job which is stimulating and pays well .

 

[Kassender]

I can relate to that.

Therapists always found a way of disappointing me.
Clearly displaying they either dont get it or just are in it for the money.

Ive been let go from a job just before christmas and havent been able to find anything since.
Its disheartening.
It feels no ones gives us a chance because theres just so many people better than you...
That's how i feel about it.

But you talk about your career and your girlfriend, it seems you're miles ahead than i will ever be.

What she said to you, idk, it's kind of...
A dick thing to say, but it feels like she's giving you the tough love act ?
I dont know you, though so...
I know how it feels to feel like you have no one, but she s still here, so...
Maybe grit your teeth...
I know im projecting but thats what id do...

Therapists kinda suck, so what i do when all this gets too heavy is i record myself ob my phone, just venting...

Im sorry you're feeling like this, it's horrible.
I hope you get the job.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I had a horrible session with my therapist yesterday where he basically said he's giving up on me and that it's either my career or my depression treatment but I can't do both because if I want to advance my career I have to move out of this city and that's not advisable due to my suicide tendencies.

Then on Saturday I had a fight with my GF because she got it all together she got her life figured out and is right on track to become the next Steve jobs or whatever and she said to me how she feels sorry I'm suicidal but she's ok because her life is so great and I'm like, what the fuck? Why are you telling that to a suicidal person? Anyway I was mean to her after that and she's upset but I don't care to be honest, it's only a matter of time before we break up for good. I think she's hurting me more than helping.

And I've been to job interviews but I'm getting exhausted, it's all the same bullshit answering the same questions and then they don't follow up for some reason so I'm left with some shitty offers because that's all I got.

I'm alone and I've been alone for quite some time, it's crazy that the last time I felt like I was in good company was during my suicide attempt at the psychiatrist ward where I met all these guys who were actually pretty cool. Other than that I got no one. This forum helps though.

I don't think this is going to improve, it looks like it's getting worse. I'm getting old no one will hire me, I'm exhausted of job interview after job interview that end up in nothing. I'm tired.

All that's keeping me alive are cigarettes and dr. Pepper. I don't think realistically speaking that this is getting any better.

I'm going to wait for answers on some job interviews , i mean it'll take a miracle but maybe I can land a good job, if I don't hear from them I'll be CTBing next week I feel.

I just wanna sleep forever.

I feel you my brother. It sounds like you're in so much hurt and tiredness.
You and you girl splitting up must be painful and I'm sorry for the grief that it's causing, maybe in haste you've said it's for the best, but if it really is maybe there is a sort of life opportunity for you.
The job thing sounds like a huge drag and lord knows I've been there myself (and am sure will be there again), well done for holding out to see where it goes. Everyday in darkness can bring you closer to the light.
I understand that tiredness too brother and the the thing that churns me up is the whole tired of living, scared of dying conundrum, maybe you can relate?
I hope there is some peace and light for you my brother, you are probably a lot stronger than you realise with all you're going through and I hope that no matter what path you take your strength will lead to some salvation.
Peace brother.
DBD