Venting i can’t do this anymore

[sirenangelbby]

i'm so sick and tired of constantly wanting to die and constantly having to pretend that i'm happy and feeling chest pains all the time because i'm so depressed. someone who claimed to be in love with me and promised to never abandon me no matter what told me he hopes i kill myself and completely ignores me now and spreads lies about me and accuses me of being crazy and lying when i apologize to people and tell them the truth about him (even though i have proof) and has even resorted to sending the police to my house multiple times over lies to the point where i have to avoid leaving my house. i hate him but love him at the same time and i can't comprehend how he can just ignore me and give me the silent treatment knowing how upset it makes me and that i just want an apology for everything he put me through. he refuses to even do that. he just completely ignores me and says nothing and as weak as i am i left voicemails of me crying and sent him a long ass email explaining how i was feeling and how i just wanted closure and an apology and got absolutely no response. i know he doesn't owe me a response, but for someone who claimed to love me so much just to put me through hell, i think the least he can do is apologize and give me the closure i deserve.

 

[Madao]

that guy pissed me off man, fuck. why do people like him exist, why is this world so sad? i really empathise with you luv, i really feel your pain. i just don't know what to say im getting pissed reading that

 

[bedhead_baby]

I'm very sorry. The physical pain in the chest is very spot on. My dr. keeps wanting different tests, but nothing is ever wrong. I've told her almost all of my problems are depression related.

It hurts in a way that's almost indescribable when someone does that to you. I understand. My ex, the only partner I've ever had, would have long talks with me where they'd say how I'm the only one, and they'd just be alone forever if we split. Then it happened, and they moved on with someone else in less than a month, and told me about it. They left me and didn't seem to care much, because in their words, they were "already mourning the relationship" while we were together. So my effort effectively meant nothing, as they'd already moved on when I thought we were okay. I don't think it would have lasted anyway, but the way someone can switch from telling you that you're their world and they'd die without you (which they did ask if we could kill ourselves together, and I said no), to not even looking at you when you speak, completely occupied with something or someone else. And then the bitterness comes, and you're not even a person to them anymore.

I don't know how you could love so deeply just to leave and treat someone like trash that's beneath you (barring abusive relationships, that's an understandable reason to leave on bad terms). I've had plenty of people that I've come to love deeply that just leave. It's always "text me! I still wanna talk. We should hang out," and then no response when I ask when? Where? Do you still want to? Hello?

Your situation sounds pretty extreme, and I'm sorry. It's not you. Some people get hooked on the misery of others. I hope you can move on, but I understand the struggle of leaving someone so influential.

They felt like such an infallible safety net that I could fall 500 feet into their arms and it would be like floating onto a pillow and being wrapped in a hug.

I hope you can find some relief from the pain. Eat something yummy today, or snuggle up and watch a movie. No permanent cures from me, but I think you deserve to treat yourself.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm very sorry you are having to deal with all this - it's a lot for anyone.

I hope you can find some relief from all your pain, and some peace in all the turmoil.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds so awful what you've been through, I find it so horrible how humans create so much harm. But anyway best wishes.