melancholymallory03
Do cats live nine lives ? Or do humans ⏰
- Feb 20, 2024
- 360
I don't wanna die alone , the sn is here and I have been staring at it and mulling over what to do I am extremely sorry tho those that have asked me for my resources and I have not responded I am a coward and I guess my stupid heart is bigger than my stupid brain and im sorry I just don't wanna assist anyone but myself and a partner I know and trusted , I do feel like that sounds a bit pro - lifer but I gusss im a fucking coward like many on here.
I have been taking and consuming a lot of Xanax and benzodiazepines these days to help the days blur by and together easier
Life is just one big mind fuck , theres no way my psychological makeup is that bad that i wanna do this , but i suppose if it . Someone like me can't live in normal society , im not going to wait around to let nature take its course , I want my death to mean something , to me and I want to have the last say on it. I can feel my heart breaking more and more everyday , I will admit im scared to do all of this alone , I don't want to bother or burden anyone though so I am also fearful of finding a partner through this specific platform as well. I wish it was easier to know who also wants to ctb just walking down the street.
Well I am really not okay , I am absolutely fucked up out of my mind on Xanax and I have been taking them for days dmd shaking and crying in my bed , I feel like a big stupid crybaby who shouldn't be allowed to bother anyone . I never tell my family my struggles anymore , that would be unjust and horrible of me considering they have enough to worry about. This site has helped me seek solace
But my body aches and hurts im always crying my face is puffy and red , I always have to go out in my sunglasses . I just don't feel well, I go and engage in sex work, and other illegal activities to make money … to allow myself to be excused of a "normal " job that I know I could never handle ! I'm just a loser ! Most people can do the whole life thing and I cannot . You know the natural paths and steps people take that are accepted in polite society , the funny part is even if you don't care about being accepted , you still get ostracized from society and isolation is a bitch and hurts and you soon realize: very few and far between people are as cowardly and insane as you are and even if they are or claim to be you will eventually scare them away too because you are unable to function in normal society or relationships . So here I am, rolling around my apartment on Xanax , popping them like candy's , they feel nice I dance a bit put some music on, then I cry again, been avoiding here because I am such a loser coward now and I cannot contribute much at all. I don't know , I am hungry and thirsty but also afraid to leave my house because society is terrifying and I don't understand it. If I had a gun right now I would shoot myself I know it. I am such a empty headed fuck I can't comprehend how to use this sn or do the guides in my own because math and science are not my strong suit and I guess because my teen mom smoked my entire pregnancy or some other shit I have a very uneven intelligence I know I can write some what but math and me are like impossible together I don't know I wish I could press a button and re start whatever the fuck this game and trap of life is because I cannot understand why any of this would be happening there's so many people suffering already it's not fair it's not fucking fair and I don't get why everyone walks around like it's fucking okay and all they ever say is yeah " I think we're all trying our best " fuck I hate us all sometimes . I love us but fuck I hate us all sometimes
I have been taking and consuming a lot of Xanax and benzodiazepines these days to help the days blur by and together easier
Life is just one big mind fuck , theres no way my psychological makeup is that bad that i wanna do this , but i suppose if it . Someone like me can't live in normal society , im not going to wait around to let nature take its course , I want my death to mean something , to me and I want to have the last say on it. I can feel my heart breaking more and more everyday , I will admit im scared to do all of this alone , I don't want to bother or burden anyone though so I am also fearful of finding a partner through this specific platform as well. I wish it was easier to know who also wants to ctb just walking down the street.
Well I am really not okay , I am absolutely fucked up out of my mind on Xanax and I have been taking them for days dmd shaking and crying in my bed , I feel like a big stupid crybaby who shouldn't be allowed to bother anyone . I never tell my family my struggles anymore , that would be unjust and horrible of me considering they have enough to worry about. This site has helped me seek solace
But my body aches and hurts im always crying my face is puffy and red , I always have to go out in my sunglasses . I just don't feel well, I go and engage in sex work, and other illegal activities to make money … to allow myself to be excused of a "normal " job that I know I could never handle ! I'm just a loser ! Most people can do the whole life thing and I cannot . You know the natural paths and steps people take that are accepted in polite society , the funny part is even if you don't care about being accepted , you still get ostracized from society and isolation is a bitch and hurts and you soon realize: very few and far between people are as cowardly and insane as you are and even if they are or claim to be you will eventually scare them away too because you are unable to function in normal society or relationships . So here I am, rolling around my apartment on Xanax , popping them like candy's , they feel nice I dance a bit put some music on, then I cry again, been avoiding here because I am such a loser coward now and I cannot contribute much at all. I don't know , I am hungry and thirsty but also afraid to leave my house because society is terrifying and I don't understand it. If I had a gun right now I would shoot myself I know it. I am such a empty headed fuck I can't comprehend how to use this sn or do the guides in my own because math and science are not my strong suit and I guess because my teen mom smoked my entire pregnancy or some other shit I have a very uneven intelligence I know I can write some what but math and me are like impossible together I don't know I wish I could press a button and re start whatever the fuck this game and trap of life is because I cannot understand why any of this would be happening there's so many people suffering already it's not fair it's not fucking fair and I don't get why everyone walks around like it's fucking okay and all they ever say is yeah " I think we're all trying our best " fuck I hate us all sometimes . I love us but fuck I hate us all sometimes
