Venting I can't cope with living anymore

[jbear824]

(No need to respond, I just had to get this out. I'm in so much pain right now)

Unrelenting, torturous mental illness. Inability to work. which is leading to permanent homelessness which will lead to a slower, more agonizing death for me and my partner when we end up on the streets.

My inability to function and participate in society in a way society seems adequate, which means I just get tossed aside. Same for my autistic partner.

So much trauma that has left me unable to exist in peace.

At this point, I just want to avoid further suffering, since that's all that's ahead of me and my partner. But I can't be ause that would mean leaving him to be homeless all alone, which I can't do to him. So I'm trapped which makes me want to ctb even more. the thought of having to watch my partner suffer in homelessness, knowing I can't do anything to save him from it, also makes me want to take myself out. I can't bear the thought, but it's what's ahead of me. And I can't cope with it.

I've suffered enough. Society doesn't see any value in keeping me alive if I can't work, so I just want to die.

I'm so afraid. I'm so depressed. So anxious that I physically suffer everyday. I just want to be done. And I know this sounds terrible, but I wish me and my partner could ctb together so that no one will be abandoned by the natural death (freezing, starving, over heating, diabetes) that will come for one of us first, probably me. The thought of him being all alone without the ability to keep himself alive is what is compelled of me into living and it's awful.

I'm in constant pain. Constant anguish. And there is no way out for me. I can't work. I can barely function in my own home. And my partner can only handle part time. We have no way of making enough money to ever afford housing anywhere.

Our fates are already sealed. We will die in some tent, in some spot of woods probably within the next year or two. From one of the above natural causes I mentioned. And all of my providers; my therapist, my social workers, my doctor, they don't understand. They don't believe me about my functioning, about the level of mental illness I suffer from. They think I should just be able to force myself to function.

I'm alone. Except for my partner. We will die alone. Forgotten and thrown away as if we never mattered and no one understands why I am inconsolable and just want to ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you are going through, it's just beyond hellish how people have to suffer so unbearably in this existence.

 

[sserafim]

(No need to respond, I just had to get this out. I'm in so much pain right now)

Unrelenting, torturous mental illness. Inability to work. which is leading to permanent homelessness which will lead to a slower, more agonizing death for me and my partner when we end up on the streets.

My inability to function and participate in society in a way society seems adequate, which means I just get tossed aside. Same for my autistic partner.

So much trauma that has left me unable to exist in peace.

At this point, I just want to avoid further suffering, since that's all that's ahead of me and my partner. But I can't be ause that would mean leaving him to be homeless all alone, which I can't do to him. So I'm trapped which makes me want to ctb even more. the thought of having to watch my partner suffer in homelessness, knowing I can't do anything to save him from it, also makes me want to take myself out. I can't bear the thought, but it's what's ahead of me. And I can't cope with it.

I've suffered enough. Society doesn't see any value in keeping me alive if I can't work, so I just want to die.

I'm so afraid. I'm so depressed. So anxious that I physically suffer everyday. I just want to be done. And I know this sounds terrible, but I wish me and my partner could ctb together so that no one will be abandoned by the natural death (freezing, starving, over heating, diabetes) that will come for one of us first, probably me. The thought of him being all alone without the ability to keep himself alive is what is compelled of me into living and it's awful.

I'm in constant pain. Constant anguish. And there is no way out for me. I can't work. I can barely function in my own home. And my partner can only handle part time. We have no way of making enough money to ever afford housing anywhere.

Our fates are already sealed. We will die in some tent, in some spot of woods probably within the next year or two. From one of the above natural causes I mentioned. And all of my providers; my therapist, my social workers, my doctor, they don't understand. They don't believe me about my functioning, about the level of mental illness I suffer from. They think I should just be able to force myself to function.

I'm alone. Except for my partner. We will die alone. Forgotten and thrown away as if we never mattered and no one understands why I am inconsolable and just want to ctb.

Same, me as well, considering the fact that my parents want to kick me out. I've failed to launch into adulthood, and my mom wants to call the police on me and force me to leave. She wants to change the locks so I can't stay here anymore. She thinks that I have no right to be here, "taking up her space". It's literally my home too, I don't know why she's like this…she's not letting me use anything in the house or eat or drink anything. She thinks I shouldn't be allowed to "consume" anything. She also wants to cut off my phone service too

She doesn't understand about my ADHD and other neurodivergences, and how I will never fit into society. ASD literally makes being a human a living hell. She also doesn't see that I'm severely depressed and just calls me "lazy". I don't want to have to participate in society or work to live, and she wants me to get a job and make my own living. But I don't want to do this, I think I'm scared of adulting and being independent. I never wanted to reach adulthood but here I am…I don't want to have to be on my own.

Society will never accept me (due to ASD), and I don't want to be a member of it. I wasn't integrated properly into it. I will never be able to function or participate in it either.

I never expected to live this long so I didn't even have a plan for my post-college life, and my "transition period" is over. I'm gonna be kicked out onto the streets soon I've basically failed at life and being an adult/adulthood

I do chores at home and walk my dog and stuff but my mom says that it "isn't enough". But what else should I be doing? How else should I "contribute"? I barely have enough energy to get out of bed most days and she just thinks that I'm "lazy" and "irresponsible"

She also says that I'm a "shame" and a "failure". My dad is coming back next month and he definitely wants to cast me out onto the streets, so I will ctb. He thinks that I'm a "disappointment", and even wants to disown and disinherit me. They're more mad about the fact that I'm a failure than the fact that I might kill myself. They don't even care, they just want to kick me out of the house and force me to be "independent". They want nothing to do with me because I'm a disappointment, shame, and failure. They don't even care about the fact that I'm suicidal and want to die. Instead, my mom said that I should just "go die already".

My situation is just getting worse and worse…I need to ctb. I cannot fail. I've failed at life and I cannot fail at ctb'ing too

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

This is what society wants, I hope they will be happy once we are gone