Venting I CANT BELIEVE SHE DID THIS

[FoxSauce]

Heres like context on what going on.

I ry need help cuz Im stuck. My mother and my sister had an altercation. It was over 20 bucks over a phone bill. She was basically saying nagging like : your supposed to give me those 20 buck and stuff basically still lecturing despite my sister already giving her the 20 buck.

My sister got tired of it and just : ok ok just stop she got mad she threw a a shoe at her, missed her and started to slap her and just acting immature like: yeah I'm emotionally immature and im crazy. to the point of pulling her hair and then bit one of her fingers. Mom replied she did all that cuz of bad attitude.

After that I dunno I wasnt exactly there. I found out cuz I asked my sister for a favor and then she explained on what above.

I clearly understand that my sisters response wasnt the best but was in shck on how my own mom behaved, my mom is just as guilty as my sister and worse imo

Skip to today, my mom took the wifi away and disconnected our phones without telling us . Yes we pay for our own phones.

I msasaged my mom to tell her I was beyond pissed off. I explained I needed to get to work and thanks to her I wasnt able to communicate with my boss nor my coworker and thank god I found a cable that actually worked. She just replied today is Wednesday you changed shifts.I explained in caps : he cant go! She just said: "thats not my fault or yours." I was beyond livid.

Also the car keys wasnt here either. Thank god I found a cable that was similar to the original one from the router (she just took the one you connect to an outlet) I found out that my coworker couldnt go and I cant reach my other sister to ask her if she has the car with her.

I explained some things to my boss just in case but Honeslty im so mad and frustrated.

Thank you for anyone who read if ya rather not reply thats fine Im just trying to soften the blow.

Thank you

 

[Dot]

If u r alrdy payng fr ur own phne cn u apply fr ur own contrct s/ sh/ cannt dsconnct u agn in futre

 

[FoxSauce]

If u r alrdy payng fr ur own phne cn u apply fr ur own contrct s/ sh/ cannt dsconnct u agn in futre

True totally do that once I find someone who take me there

 

[-Link-]

Following up on what @Dot suggested, I think it would be well-advised to establish as much personal autonomy as possible, even if you still have to live in the same house as your mother, and to encourage and work with your siblings to do the same. Separate phone bills, separate everything as possible.

I don't know what your financial or living arrangements are.

But, one of the things you could do in order to move forward with more autonomy would be to negotiate with your mother a set amount of money to give her per month as part of "room and board". This is essentially the same thing as rent, except you're not buying your own food.

An official, legal agreement. In writing. Including details of any household expenses and costs of living it's meant to cover. And carefully considering all aspects and potential expenses before committing to it. Look around online for a legal template you could use for this purpose, and then you'd both sign it and each keep your own copies of it.

Before you sign anything, make sure you know what it covers and what it doesn't cover. Because it's a legal agreement, you would be just as liable as your mother would be, which means she could hold you legally accountable if you refuse to do or pay something that's within the bounds of the agreement and/or within the bounds of your jurisdiction's landlord and tenant laws.

If you anticipate any resistance from your mother in going along with this, you could cite "tax purposes" or something like that -- cite a reason that 1) has nothing to do with your mother (to reduce the risk of her taking it as a personal affront), and 2) implies a legal requirement for some outside purpose (eg. tax credits, work expenses, etc.). A signed legal agreement with an unchanging amount per month should (theoretically) lessen the likelihood or frequency of these eruptions and intrusions by your mother.

Avoid lending money to her. Avoid accepting loans from her. Any unavoidable loans, document it in writing for the both of you. Have her sign and date receipts when you pay her for anything above a nominal amount. For anything that's far above a nominal amount, document a repayment plan including expected payment dates as well as what will happen if it's not paid back within the stated timeframe (eg. garnishing, clawback of room-and-board payments).

Based on your post here and a couple of your previous posts about your mother, it sounds like you're not able to rely on her to respond to reason. So, in navigating this, you may have to take more ownership and responsibility for this (eg. telling her, "I need to put this in writing because I get confused and forget easily") or defer ownership (eg. "it's for tax purposes") more than what is actually appropriate for the reality. Basically, you would be pacifying her for purposes of maintaining harmony in a challenging relationship; you wouldn't actually be making any concessions as to who is in the right or wrong.

 

[FoxSauce]

Following up on what @Dot suggested, I think it would be well-advised to establish as much personal autonomy as possible, even if you still have to live in the same house as your mother, and to encourage and work with your siblings to do the same. Separate phone bills, separate everything as possible.

I don't know what your financial or living arrangements are.

But, one of the things you could do in order to move forward with more autonomy would be to negotiate with your mother a set amount of money to give her per month as part of "room and board". This is essentially the same thing as rent, except you're not buying your own food.

An official, legal agreement. In writing. Including details of any household expenses and costs of living it's meant to cover. And carefully considering all aspects and potential expenses before committing to it. Look around online for a legal template you could use for this purpose, and then you'd both sign it and each keep your own copies of it.

Before you sign anything, make sure you know what it covers and what it doesn't cover. Because it's a legal agreement, you would be just as liable as your mother would be, which means she could hold you legally accountable if you refuse to do or pay something that's within the bounds of the agreement and/or within the bounds of your jurisdiction's landlord and tenant laws.

If you anticipate any resistance from your mother in going along with this, you could cite "tax purposes" or something like that -- cite a reason that 1) has nothing to do with your mother (to reduce the risk of her taking it as a personal affront), and 2) implies a legal requirement for some outside purpose (eg. tax credits, work expenses, etc.). A signed legal agreement with an unchanging amount per month should (theoretically) lessen the likelihood or frequency of these eruptions and intrusions by your mother.

Avoid lending money to her. Avoid accepting loans from her. Any unavoidable loans, document it in writing for the both of you. Have her sign and date receipts when you pay her for anything above a nominal amount. For anything that's far above a nominal amount, document a repayment plan including expected payment dates as well as what will happen if it's not paid back within the stated timeframe (eg. garnishing, clawback of room-and-board payments).

Based on your post here and a couple of your previous posts about your mother, it sounds like you're not able to rely on her to respond to reason. So, in navigating this, you may have to take more ownership and responsibility for this (eg. telling her, "I need to put this in writing because I get confused and forget easily") or defer ownership (eg. "it's for tax purposes") more than what is actually appropriate for the reality. Basically, you would be pacifying her for purposes of maintaining harmony in a challenging relationship; you wouldn't actually be making any concessions as to who is in the right or wrong.

Wiw seems like a lot should I write that down or a laywer?

Yeah about the autonomy thing yes Ive made it clear to her I dont want her to buy me stuff any stuff. Not even gifts. Im even in the process of paying my last phone bill for 3 months that is about 120 buck now is in 110 now ill get to it slowly but surely. I dont want her to use that agaisnt me which she has. Moslty by guilt tripping.


I try to write down everything I pay for just in case.

Our arrangement is she pays water
Light and internet Bill and I pay for groceries. Is not a lot and im not actually complaining is fair.

But your absolutly right. Ive been trying to see if i can stay with a family member but is best to now have ties with her or a shelter or another more realistic option get a morning job besides my current one.

In this case yeah the blaming game wont go anywhere but she crossed a line.

Thank you so much for your advice.

 

[-Link-]

@FoxSauce I would encourage you to talk it over with a trusted family member or someone through local community resources (or maybe someone through your contacts at work) before you sign anything. With a trusted family member, you at least know they'll be looking out for your best interests. With a professional, they'll know the right questions to ask you in assessing your personal situation and then advise you accordingly.

The behaviour you described in your first post here is indefensible. And if your home environment is such that you'd even consider moving into a shelter as an alternative to living with your mother, then your living situation is much worse than what I was initially assuming. It could be that you'd be better to avoid signing anything involving her at all and to instead focus on getting away from her as soon as possible.

 

[FoxSauce]

@FoxSauce I would encourage you to talk it over with a trusted family member or someone through local community resources (or maybe someone through your contacts at work) before you sign anything. With a trusted family member, you at least know they'll be looking out for your best interests. With a professional, they'll know the right questions to ask you in assessing your personal situation and then advise you accordingly.

The behaviour you described in your first post here is indefensible. And if your home environment is such that you'd even consider moving into a shelter as an alternative to living with your mother, then your living situation is much worse than what I was initially assuming. It could be that you'd be better to avoid signing anything involving her at all and to instead focus on getting away from her as soon as possible.

Yes true . Family is a bit tricky , cant move with my grnadmother or my dad or evem my big sis (they have good reasons)

My aunts wont side with my, they'll just deny and just pretend is not that bad.