J
Journeytoletgo
Broken and hated 7-14 years long overdue
- May 14, 2018
- 1,608
Wow this is truly it.
I hate my life. I really do. I'm always alone. I always feel so unenthusiastic . I always feel just exhausted. I use to be more upbeat before acne however now I just do not desire this. Everything is just too undesirable. I no longer see the beauty and joy in life. There is evidence that states a physical condition such as acne lowers ones esteem and pursuit of life unfortunately that happened to me this isn't for everyone necessarily but it was my case. I'm referring to severe severe acne like 200 bumps across my entire face, and my back. I felt so alone and stressed over this nothing worked. I was so sad everyday because of this I wanted to be pretty. Unfortunately we are ignored for this condition. I didn't ask for it. I was verbally abused and called ugly. So my grades slipped so badly and I couldn't perform in school I put on an act like I was okay however everyday after school I'd cry myself to sleep or just go home and didn't do my homework because I guess for my mind it was too much to bare that something so horrible was happening to me. Those years were unbearable I remember I would be in bed constantly in misery. I was never invited anywhere as much, I had very few friends. It's just a cruel joke how much I was abandoned by everyone and never anyone's first choice for anything. I lost all sense of humor, personality, social skills and all social confidence. I would write ages 14 until 19 about how much I hated myself and my skin. I just wanted clear skin I was cursed not normal teenage acne however severe severe acne. I would cry so much I haven't been happy in so long. I feel so detached and hurt. At 21 because I felt so alone and unloved I looked for a man for dating and we met online he took advantage of my naivety he was an engaged man and I never knew! Omg! This is my second trauma since then I been abusing alcohol. At 19 I went to a psych ward where I was prescribed citalopram if someone put two and two together possibly they would notice my skin and feelings were intertwined. This severe disease ruined me and I couldn't feel okay anymore. The medication and alcohol abuse broke me as well and unfortunately my life span is cut short because of it. Where I'm going I'm going to be at peace and no longer suffering. I'm sorry to everyone I didn't mean to harm anyone with my presence however it sure felt that way as if I was a total offense to everyone. I hated this period of my life. If only someone knew how to solve this my mental state wouldn't be where it is right now. I never even had a real bf before, the first guy I was intimate with was more so assault. Because I felt so alone all the time. I'm tired. I don't feel comfortable and supported in this. It's like they all are in on the joke and I'm not invited. I'm ready to die I put up with enough of this bs. I been very strong anyone in my condition would have been took out themselves because that's how strong I am. They have no idea how painful all this has been for me. Luckily I stopped drinking however everyone expects so much of me and now it's like they look down on me even more that I wasn't able to do good in school and move out of my parents house by now as I'm 28. However I guess so put yourself in my shoes and see how hard it would be to continue this?! Im ready to go seriously it's inhumane to expect me to continue this. I want to be released from this. Im booking a hotel for Monday-Wednesday.
This is so true because acne I was subjected to exclusion verbal bullying. I'm broken I just want peace
I hate my life. I really do. I'm always alone. I always feel so unenthusiastic . I always feel just exhausted. I use to be more upbeat before acne however now I just do not desire this. Everything is just too undesirable. I no longer see the beauty and joy in life. There is evidence that states a physical condition such as acne lowers ones esteem and pursuit of life unfortunately that happened to me this isn't for everyone necessarily but it was my case. I'm referring to severe severe acne like 200 bumps across my entire face, and my back. I felt so alone and stressed over this nothing worked. I was so sad everyday because of this I wanted to be pretty. Unfortunately we are ignored for this condition. I didn't ask for it. I was verbally abused and called ugly. So my grades slipped so badly and I couldn't perform in school I put on an act like I was okay however everyday after school I'd cry myself to sleep or just go home and didn't do my homework because I guess for my mind it was too much to bare that something so horrible was happening to me. Those years were unbearable I remember I would be in bed constantly in misery. I was never invited anywhere as much, I had very few friends. It's just a cruel joke how much I was abandoned by everyone and never anyone's first choice for anything. I lost all sense of humor, personality, social skills and all social confidence. I would write ages 14 until 19 about how much I hated myself and my skin. I just wanted clear skin I was cursed not normal teenage acne however severe severe acne. I would cry so much I haven't been happy in so long. I feel so detached and hurt. At 21 because I felt so alone and unloved I looked for a man for dating and we met online he took advantage of my naivety he was an engaged man and I never knew! Omg! This is my second trauma since then I been abusing alcohol. At 19 I went to a psych ward where I was prescribed citalopram if someone put two and two together possibly they would notice my skin and feelings were intertwined. This severe disease ruined me and I couldn't feel okay anymore. The medication and alcohol abuse broke me as well and unfortunately my life span is cut short because of it. Where I'm going I'm going to be at peace and no longer suffering. I'm sorry to everyone I didn't mean to harm anyone with my presence however it sure felt that way as if I was a total offense to everyone. I hated this period of my life. If only someone knew how to solve this my mental state wouldn't be where it is right now. I never even had a real bf before, the first guy I was intimate with was more so assault. Because I felt so alone all the time. I'm tired. I don't feel comfortable and supported in this. It's like they all are in on the joke and I'm not invited. I'm ready to die I put up with enough of this bs. I been very strong anyone in my condition would have been took out themselves because that's how strong I am. They have no idea how painful all this has been for me. Luckily I stopped drinking however everyone expects so much of me and now it's like they look down on me even more that I wasn't able to do good in school and move out of my parents house by now as I'm 28. However I guess so put yourself in my shoes and see how hard it would be to continue this?! Im ready to go seriously it's inhumane to expect me to continue this. I want to be released from this. Im booking a hotel for Monday-Wednesday.
This is so true because acne I was subjected to exclusion verbal bullying. I'm broken I just want peace
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