Venting I asked my doctor for a therapist and he said no

[UninformedLover]

After years of suffering I finally went to the doctor to try and get my mental health back in check. I spent all my time researching and rehearsing how and what to say to my doctor. I even ended up having a panic attack going to see him.

It was the most humiliating experience. At both visits I told him that my depression and anxiety are getting worse and I might need a therapist. The first visit he told me he'll run some test (blood work) and we'll talk about it when I come back next week. Next week arrives, I ask him again for the therapist and basically he said no. Even after I told him I have an increased urge to self harm. Essentially he said no because he doesn't want me to be prescribed medication because he believes it will do more harm to me then good. The same sentiment my mother shares.

I was in such a state of disbelief. He then told me to talk about how I feel to my parents and grandma. I don't want to talk to them. Mainly because their approach to mental illness is abhorrent 2. My mom is the sole reason of my depression and 3. No amount of talking to my family is going to help me. Nobody in my family is a psychiatrist, therapist, none of that. I need real psychological help by a trained medical official. I've been talking about how I feel - I talk about this shit all the freaking time.

I decided to try my doctor's advice and talk to my grandma today and it was a disaster - as expected. It went wrong for a myriad of ways.

I just don't get it. I'm putting in work. I'm putting in the work and the effort is just not being received. I got a job, I try to be a better person everyday, I shower almost everyday, I try to be optimistic,...I'm really trying out here and my life is only getting worse and worse. Its always something. I can never catch a break. And my mom is making it no easier.

I had really high hopes a week ago but honestly I just give up. I tried to search for a therapist myself but I'm so fucking stupid I got extremely overwhelmed because I didn't know where to start.

Today my mother came home and started problems again and I've come to the realization things will never change. Ever. I low-key screwed up my own life. I've meandered to long but I'm really going to pack it up and log out for good. Either that or I get a lobotomy because I'm drowning in my own sadness.

 

[Life_and_Death]

have you ever tried to be your own therapist. thats what ive been doing and it seems to be working out ok

 

[specklenought]

Your doctor sounds absolutely fucked tbh. Is it the same doctor the rest of your family sees? Sometimes that can be a problem bc they often (i find) hold the same sentiments as your family which can be very unhelpful (and harmful in your case).

IDK where you're based but could you see a different GP/doctor and ask again for a referral a therapist (also like, therapists cant prescribe drugs anyway? ) I'm so sorry this is happening when you've put so much effort into getting support. please dont let this one doctor discourage you. the first doctor I ever had literally gave me an eating disorder which made me scared to go back to them! It took a lot of searching to find a therapist and gp i like.

 

[Gnip]

No QUACKS or CHARLATANS allowed!

Fire him, without hesitation. He is paid to work for YOU. He is YOUR employee. And professionals are people who do the job they are paid to do.

If you have any say whatever in who you receive your health care from, get rid of him and hire somebody who will do the job, with kindness instead of bullying.

As a male, I personally prefer female health care providers, because the vast majority of females are simply hard wired for superior listening ability.

Of course there are exceptions. I'm happy with my current male psychiatrist and male pain specialist anesthesiologist, but my primary care provider is a female physician who is MUCH more respectful and responsive to my needs and concerns than her male predecessor was as my PCP. She is respectful, considerate, patient, and not at all egotistical in the way male health care providers so often are. (I have known a few females who were egotistical and poor listeners, and some men who were considerate and excellent listeners, but my general experience supporting females as more responsive and considerate health care providers is overwhelming.)

To have panic attacks simply at the idea of seeing your doctor means he's not qualified or competent to treat you. I look forward to seeing my health care practitioners, knowing that they'll do their best to get me taken care of. Instead, your doctor comes across as lazy and on an egotistical power trip, behaving as if you work for him when he's the one getting paid for acting like your are his employee.

WRONG!!! FIRE HIS ASS! You should never have to see or speak to him ever again. Simply find yourself somebody else, and if that replacement doesn't do the job for you, keep on searching until you find somebody who does.

Doctor is often an abbreviation for indoctrinated. And anybody who humiliates you doesn't deserve your business.

Beyond that, this is an internet day and age where the customer is always more right than ever. A bad health care practitioner can find his or her reputation and career shot to hell very quickly by angry patients. You deserve somebody nice and respectful who doesn't treat you like shit and puts you at ease or inspires confidence.

 

[Isadeth]

I'm so sorry your experience was awful. I've had some horrific experiences talking to my psychiatrist too. The best advice I can give is if you're able, get a second opinion.

You do not want someone on your care team that you don't feel like you can trust or communicate with and actually feel heard. You really need that connection in order to get the most out of your experience.

Some healthcare professionals are better than others... and unfortunately, it's all trial and error. But if you feel you need medication management and other services, I'd seek a second or even a third opinion if I were you.

I hope you're able to find a compassionate doctor. ♡

 

[mooncake]

I'm sorry you haven't been getting the help you've asked for. Maybe there is a another doctor you can talk to about this?

I had really high hopes a week ago but honestly I just give up. I tried to search for a therapist myself but I'm so fucking stupid I got extremely overwhelmed because I didn't know where to start.

You are not stupid for getting overwhelmed. That's a big step you took. Its difficult for most people, especially doing it alone. If you have friends or family members that you trust, they might help and sit down with you to research some therapist.

Good luck

 

[Nymph]

You should probably try finding a new doctor or find a therapist on your own, this really sucks. Youre giving all the signs but they are totally ignoring you and then they wonder why someone commits suicide huh

 

[gnomeboy17]

That sucks so much, I had a similar situation where after I explained all my issues they just said "that's totally normal!" I was 16 at the time and said I struggled to leave the house and wanted to die, some professionals don't care or perhaps they genuinely think you're making it up. Either way, you definitely need to find another doctor or another way to see a therapist. I hope it helps you, best wishes x.

 

[Samsara]

That's so medically unethical, the least he could have done was give you a referral. And plenty of PCPs prescribe first line antidepressants. I would recommend switching doctors and possibly checking for a therapist on psuchologytoday.com (the site allows you to filter by insurance, zip code, etc)

 

[GoneGoneGone]

No QUACKS or CHARLATANS allowed!

Fire him, without hesitation. He is paid to work for YOU. He is YOUR employee. And professionals are people who do the job they are paid to do.

If you have any say whatever in who you receive your health care from, get rid of him and hire somebody who will do the job, with kindness instead of bullying.

As a male, I personally prefer female health care providers, because the vast majority of females are simply hard wired for superior listening ability.

Of course there are exceptions. I'm happy with my current male psychiatrist and male pain specialist anesthesiologist, but my primary care provider is a female physician who is MUCH more respectful and responsive to my needs and concerns than her male predecessor was as my PCP. She is respectful, considerate, patient, and not at all egotistical in the way male health care providers so often are. (I have known a few females who were egotistical and poor listeners, and some men who were considerate and excellent listeners, but my general experience supporting females as more responsive and considerate health care providers is overwhelming.)

To have panic attacks simply at the idea of seeing your doctor means he's not qualified or competent to treat you. I look forward to seeing my health care practitioners, knowing that they'll do their best to get me taken care of. Instead, your doctor comes across as lazy and on an egotistical power trip, behaving as if you work for him when he's the one getting paid for acting like your are his employee.

WRONG!!! FIRE HIS ASS! You should never have to see or speak to him ever again. Simply find yourself somebody else, and if that replacement doesn't do the job for you, keep on searching until you find somebody who does.

Doctor is often an abbreviation for indoctrinated. And anybody who humiliates you doesn't deserve your business.

Beyond that, this is an internet day and age where the customer is always more right than ever. A bad health care practitioner can find his or her reputation and career shot to hell very quickly by angry patients. You deserve somebody nice and respectful who doesn't treat you like shit and puts you at ease or inspires confidence.

I like your style!!!

 

[Gnip]

I like your style!!!

I'm flattered that you approve.

Hey, I'm not just angry, I am ENRAGED! I am the one who kept on trying, and trying, and trying and trying, only to have my coverage and my own cash ripped off to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars by a mercenary private practice psychiatrist for over 18 years who then abruptly closed down her practice and left her patients in the dust to live high off the hog without giving any of the clients she fleeced and strung along for decades another thought. (Sometimes at the end of our sessions, she's simply tell me not to "off" myself, but her only motive was to be able to continue to make money off of me (and her other patients.)

Posters here deserve advocates for THEM, not advocates for greedy mental health pretender professionals seeking to make fortunes off of our suffering by deliberately preventing us from either getting better or ending our suffering. They either need to CURE us, help us CTB, or shut the fuck up and get out of our way!

I do not look up to professional hacks. I look up to posters here like the magnificent @AJ95. (I've never exchanged with Ava, and was bummed that she'd apparently checked out before I could ever let her know what tremendous respect I have for her, but selfishly happy she's back, one of a countless wonderful and priceless people here who are a tremendous inspiration, like the late great LetzeAustfahrt, whose informative and comforting posts on nitrogen hypoxia inspired me to join SS when I was a mere lurker.)

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm flattered that you approve.

Hey, I'm not just angry, I am ENRAGED! I am the one who kept on trying, and trying, and trying and trying, only to have my coverage and my own cash ripped off to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars by a mercenary private practice psychiatrist for over 18 years who then abruptly closed down her practice and left her patients in the dust to live high off the hog without giving any of the clients she fleeced and strung along for decades another thought. (Sometimes at the end of our sessions, she's simply tell me not to "off" myself, but her only motive was to be able to continue to make money off of me (and her other patients.)

Posters here deserve advocates for THEM, not advocates for greedy mental health pretender professionals seeking to make fortunes off of our suffering by deliberately preventing us from either getting better or ending our suffering. They either need to CURE us, help us CTB, or shut the fuck up and get out of our way!

I do not look up to professional hacks. I look up to posters here like the magnificent @AJ95. (I've never exchanged with Ava, and was bummed that she'd apparently checked out before I could ever let her know what tremendous respect I have for her, but selfishly happy she's back, one of a countless wonderful and priceless people here who are a tremendous inspiration, like the late great LetzeAustfahrt, whose informative and comforting posts on nitrogen hypoxia inspired me to join SS when I was a mere lurker.)

I commended you because we had a couple of cases before you joined of 1. Somebody feeling bad about not having a (paid) final session that the therapist had requested after she was fired 2. One or two people who mentioned they wanted to ctb even more after their therapy. In all cases I said DROP THEM! They are supposed to work for you and serve your needs.

I worked with many therapists and some dared to miss appointments altogether (if it was online), and most would take some time to get settled and then take away time at the end to tell me they needed a break to prepare for the next client. While the session was 60 minutes. They are greedy and every single time I was asking what method were they using (CBT, DBT) they would say an integrative, complex approach. All of them without fail. They are crooks and con artists preying on vulnerable people. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. Preach brother preach!

 

[Gnip]

I commended you because we had a couple of cases before you joined of 1. Somebody feeling bad about not having a (paid) final session that the therapist had requested after she was fired 2. One or two people who mentioned they wanted to ctb even more after their therapy. In all cases I said DROP THEM! They are supposed to work for you and serve your needs.

I worked with many therapists and some dared to miss appointments altogether (if it was online), and most would take some time to get settled and then take away time at the end to tell me they needed a break to prepare for the next client. While the session was 60 minutes. They are greedy and every single time I was asking what method were they using (CBT, DBT) they would say an integrative, complex approach. All of them without fail. They are crooks and con artists preying on vulnerable people. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. Preach brother preach!

Darned straight! I won't tolerate some nebulous open ended gobbledygook when it comes to goals for treatment either. The only goals which should be stated are to CURE or MANAGE your condition, either help you get BETTER or PREVENT you from getting WORSE. If these people struggle to define what they are trying to do for you, FIRE THEM!

My psychiatrist manages my sleep medication. My case of severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea is so pronounced that I was probably doomed to an abbreviated lifespan and quality of life from birth. I do not expect anybody to be able to cure it. But at least I can sleep for the first time in my life with prescription medications, so I'm willing to settle for medication management (at least for the time being until willing and able to obtain permanent "sleep" through CTB).

An "integrative, complex approach"??? BULLSHIT!

Like I've previously posted, better just to spill your guts venting to a Catholic priest in confession for free (even if you're not a Catholic, even if you're an atheist), or go to some support group like an AA meeting where you can lie about being an alcoholic then spill your guts anonymously to an audience which has no idea who you are. (As a hospital support staffer, I used to set up for AA meetings.)

I use a psychiatrist ONLY because that's the ONLY way I can get adequate doses of the sleep medications and benzodiazepines I need prescribed for me. (That includes 20 mg Ambien, 3 mg Lunesta on alternate nights, up to two mg clonazepam as needed daily, plus alprazolam for quick anger and anxiety relief as needed. Also, if I were to ever go back on amphetamines for AD/HD, I would need a psychiatrist specifically to prescribe medications which are classified as controlled drugs.) All my psychiatrist does is practice psychopharmacology these days. Maybe in the future, he'll refer me for TMS or Deep Brain Stimulation, but that seems unlikely (and I'm not cool with an implant which probably won't work anyways).

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Darned straight! I won't tolerate some nebulous open ended gobbledygook when it comes to goals for treatment either. The only goals which should be stated are to CURE or MANAGE your condition, either help you get BETTER or PREVENT you from getting WORSE. If these people struggle to define what they are trying to do for you, FIRE THEM!

My psychiatrist manages my sleep medication. My case of severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea is so pronounced that I was probably doomed to an abbreviated lifespan and quality of life from birth. I do not expect anybody to be able to cure it. But at least I can sleep for the first time in my life with prescription medications, so I'm willing to settle for medication management (at least for the time being until willing and able to obtain permanent "sleep" through CTB).

An "integrative, complex approach"??? BULLSHIT!

Like I've previously posted, better just to spill your guts venting to a Catholic priest in confession for free (even if you're not a Catholic, even if you're an atheist), or go to some support group like an AA meeting where you can lie about being an alcoholic then spill your guts anonymously to an audience which has no idea who you are. (As a hospital support staffer, I used to set up for AA meetings.)

I use a psychiatrist ONLY because that's the ONLY way I can get adequate doses of the sleep medications and benzodiazepines I need prescribed for me. (That includes 20 mg Ambien, 3 mg Lunesta on alternate nights, up to two mg clonazepam as needed daily, plus alprazolam for quick anger and anxiety relief as needed. Also, if I were to ever go back on amphetamines for AD/HD, I would need a psychiatrist specifically to prescribe medications which are classified as controlled drugs.) All my psychiatrist does is practice psychopharmacology these days. Maybe in the future, he'll refer me for TMS or Deep Brain Stimulation, but that seems unlikely (and I'm not cool with an implant which probably won't work anyways).

You're funny lol.. Catholic priest, AA meeting :)
I'm really sorry about your sleep problems.

 

[Corraled]

Your doctor was right, a psychiatrist wont do you any good. They are quacks. If you want a therapist ask for a psychologist. Neither wont do much but psychologists will try a bit more with actual therapy, the medical doctor will straight up recommend a mix of anti depressant and benzos and tell you to take them "as needed".
With a doctor you will love the benzos and become addicted to them. They would destroy you.

 

[Gnip]

You're funny lol.. Catholic priest, AA meeting :)
I'm really sorry about your sleep problems.

Haha, and cheers, GGG.

Not something I've ever done or could imagine doing, but I'd rather spill my guts to complete strangers who have no idea who I am (nor care) or wouldn't report me for anything I say for free, than open myself up to some profiteering asshole with a degree they obtained while spending their college years fucking, drinking and doing drugs. (Psych majors are the biggest morons and party animals produced in universities. They select an easy major so they can goof off during those years. I attended college, worked around colleges, and have no use for these idiots and no respect for them. Underwater basket weaving takes more brains than majoring in psych. I require my mental health providers to be PRESCRIBERS. Otherwise, I'd be cool with a Biofeedback Certification International Alliance credentialed technician because biofeedback is a hard science, but there have never been any BCIA providers near my area.)

 

[Gnip]

Your doctor was right, a psychiatrist wont do you any good. They are quacks. If you want a therapist ask for a psychologist. Neither wont do much but psychologists will try a bit more with actual therapy, the medical doctor will straight up recommend a mix of anti depressant and benzos and tell you to take them "as needed".
With a doctor you will love the benzos and become addicted to them. They would destroy you.

I disagree a bit, and do not think psychology has any right to exist as a profession. I have no issue with Moshe Talmon's Single Session Therapy, but if ANY talk therapist wants or needs more than a single meeting to treat you, then that talk therapist is completely incompetent, NO exceptions!

My mother was convinced that all psychiatrists were crazy, and that if there was nothing wrong with you, they'd find something wrong. I had to find exceptions that proved the rule, an often impossible proposition. (Same with my chiropractor of 27 years, a former skeptic of chiropractic, but mine uses the scientific visual method, where the arms and legs are either of equal length or not. He'll doggedly keep at it until everything evens out.)

For many who are addiction prone, the simple answer in many cases is a medication called naltrexone, a drug I've had prescribed for me off and on for nearly 20 years for reasons not related to addiction.

Now, I am definitely no kind of addict. But I've been prescribed two mgs clonazepam a day since November 1996 for taking as needed, and I'm still here. They might as well be sugar pills unless I'm in a state of clinical anxiety or rage. I can go for over a year without taking any (and have abstained with no withdrawal symptoms), or use two mg every day for six months when highly stressed out.

Prozac was virtually perfect for me from November 1996 to July 1997, but it stopped working and efficacy was never restored in subsequent trials. However, Prozac did everything for me in that original trial which David Burns wrongly claimed cognitive behavioral therapy would do in his 1980 landmark bestseller, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy."

In the summer of 1995, I read five classic books on assertiveness training, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith (the only book worth reading on assertiveness), "Your Perfect Right" and "Stand Up, Speak Out, Talk Back!" by Alberti and Emmons, "Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No," and "Stop Running Scared" by Fensterheim and Baer. This synoptical research did nothing to enhance the quality of my interactions with others who continued bullying me as they always had done, but then in 2000, my boss at the time suggested I try Neurontin, and my psychiatrist agreed it was a reasonable idea. As it turned out, Neurontin acted as a "magical" assertiveness pill for me, and I suddenly stopped taking shit from people (who were shocked into silence) in a perfect manifestation of what all those assertiveness authors had only described. (I retired with that boss of mine, both of us on disability, her with bipolar disorder. We remain best of friends after leaving the workplace forever in 2001.)

Over the years since that first miraculously wonderful and all empowering experience on Neurontin (which originally transformed me like silent film comedian Harry Langdon's formerly bullied "Shrimp" in the 1930 Hal Roach early talking movie comedy short of that name), I've been prescribed gabapentin for a variety of other conditions (pain management currently, at the daily maximum dose of 3,600 mg daily), but I sure wish I could replicate what Neurontin did for me in 2000.

Those psychiatric drugs gave me experiences that self help authors only write about, and that psychologists only talk about. However briefly, I knew what it was like to not be depressed on Prozac, what being clinically assertive was like on Neurontin, what it was like to be able to focus and concentrate on amphetamines, what it was like to have energy on Provigil, what it was like to experience rapid relief from rage and anxiety on benzodiazepines (which still work for me when needed as needed), and what it's like to be able to fall asleep when I want to or need to on 20 mg crushed Ambien, or 45 mg Restoril capsules, or 3 mg Lunesta with melatonin.

Bullshit psychofuckery is completely worthless for all of that. Only prescription drugs could have given me those experiences, and it's prescription drugs which have kept me alive to this time by enabling me to sleep. (By the way, CQUACK sleep equipment belongs on Quackwatch. Positive Airway Pressure machinery is a lucrative fraud, junk science which is only good for infecting its victims with bronchitis.)

For me, it has ALWAYS been about the medicine and psychiatric drugs are the only mental health treatment which has ever benefited me in any way.


Regarding Peter Breggin, the psychiatrist author of the super shitty book "Toxic Psychiatry" and his quack philosophy that the Beatles "All You Need Is Love" has merit, this quack needs to be stripped of his medical license and thrown in jail, and anybody who thinks love is sufficient for making things work should read CBT creator Tim Beck's book, "Love Is Never Enough," because Breggin and the Beatles were WRONG!

 

[Corraled]

Bullshit psychofuckery is completely worthless for all of that. Only prescription drugs could have given me those experiences, and it's prescription drugs which have kept me alive to this time by enabling me to sleep. (By the way, CQUACK sleep equipment belongs on Quackwatch. Positive Airway Pressure machinery is a lucrative fraud, junk science which is only good for infecting its victims with bronchitis.)

For me, it has ALWAYS been about the medicine and psychiatric drugs are the only mental health treatment which has ever benefited me in any way.

Fine, then just say you want drugs and not therapy. Both are bullshit. I mean i wish drugs worked because that would be wonderful, but they just dont. Antidepressants plainly dont work. Benzos do work and work really fast but then (most) people get addicted and need a higher dose with deadly withdrawal if you stop. Even you wrote that sometimes they are as good as sugar pills.

 

[Gnip]

Fine, then just say you want drugs and not therapy. Both are bullshit. I mean i wish drugs worked because that would be wonderful, but they just dont. Antidepressants plainly dont work. Benzos do work and work really fast but then (most) people get addicted and need a higher dose with deadly withdrawal if you stop. Even you wrote that sometimes they are as good as sugar pills.

The fact I've joined up here is self explanatory. I do agree with you that drugs and therapy are ultimately both bullshit, but I was originally made suicidal by school teachers, school principals and school psychologist, then I failed on seven of the eight classes of antidepressant medications as well as electroconvulsive therapy, legally qualifying me for psychiatrist administered euthanasia everywhere that practice has been implemented without the potential for any legal challenge to my euthanasia to succeed. I have jumped through all the euthanasia hoops and thoroughly documented all of it.

One quote I taught my psychologists is that, "We Are All An Experiment of One." I described some of the only times most of those drugs actually worked for me. All that talk therapy from idiot abusive school psychologists ever did for me was infect me with iatrogenesis.

When drugs worked for me, they were indeed wonderful, but those instances were indeed rare "lightning in a bottle" events, and at best, even when they do work, tachyphylaxis eventually develops.


As an individual, I have never had withdrawal issues from any prescription medications, and I understand that to be rather unusual.


In any event, we're here because people with mental health credentials suck donkey balls.