N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,001
Yeah I am really tired. I think many come to this conclusion when they get one rejection after another. Always when I get rejected I feel humiliated and I hate that feeling. I think the reasons why I get rejected are not arbitrary they have an inherent system. When I am hypomanic the women reject me because the only thing I talk about is politics and they observe how I am obsessed by what other people think of me which is not very attractive. During major depressions I behave really socially awkward. This is on a level which is very very cringe. The last serious crush rejected me due to the paranoia I had when I first met her and the socially awkward thing. I could make her laugh with good jokes and we had similar values. But I was too much of a freak which is quite embarrassing. I often develop paranoia when I meet a girl which I consider as really attractive. My mind always tells me she is already in love with me at the beginning. Bruh I fucking hate my brain.
I think it is more or less almost impossible for me to find a partner. Maybe if she was like really really desperate. But I don't want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. Some days ago a good looking woman gave me a beautiful smile. We had a little conversation. Maybe it is just her usual smile. I thought whether I should try to prolong the conversation somehow. But I did not. I thought my brain will fuck it up anyhow. No matter how hard I try. In this situation it would have been difficult to ask for her number or something like that. There were other people around us and a little conversation does not mean anything. I think we previously talked one time before.
I can't take any of these rejections anymore. It hurts too much, my self-esteem is very very low and I hate myself a lot. I think I am such a loser I don't want to punish any woman by having a relationship with me. I think if I really like someone it might be better for the other person to look for a more stable person. This probably won't ever change. Always when I am at the beginning of getting a crush my brain fucks it up. I am so tired. I sometimes think I should not try it anymore. I should get over it and losing the hope to ever find a partner. But it hurts.
I think it is more or less almost impossible for me to find a partner. Maybe if she was like really really desperate. But I don't want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. Some days ago a good looking woman gave me a beautiful smile. We had a little conversation. Maybe it is just her usual smile. I thought whether I should try to prolong the conversation somehow. But I did not. I thought my brain will fuck it up anyhow. No matter how hard I try. In this situation it would have been difficult to ask for her number or something like that. There were other people around us and a little conversation does not mean anything. I think we previously talked one time before.
I can't take any of these rejections anymore. It hurts too much, my self-esteem is very very low and I hate myself a lot. I think I am such a loser I don't want to punish any woman by having a relationship with me. I think if I really like someone it might be better for the other person to look for a more stable person. This probably won't ever change. Always when I am at the beginning of getting a crush my brain fucks it up. I am so tired. I sometimes think I should not try it anymore. I should get over it and losing the hope to ever find a partner. But it hurts.