Venting I am terrified

[nopointofliving]

To be honest things are just getting worse....
I tried a lot for my life , maybe not enough .... but every door is closed.
I'm completely lonely....zero friends...I live with my parents but I can't feel I belong here...
Today mum realized my bad situation and she started telling how much grateful I should be for incredible life that God gifted me.
I told her in crying voice that God doesn't mean anything to me anymore and I gave up my faith up.
She got angry and she asked me to return to God or she would leave me.
So yeah, I feel completely alone .. I'm scared ... I'm feeling cold.
I've been sleeping for a long time, I always wanted to die but now I have no energy .
I really can't die .... I can't plan well... no options available ..and now I can't get myself to do it..
Just lying down on bed, no tears...I'm even tired of crying ..I feel alone.. cold...lonely...abandoned...I'm so tired.... I might sleep again..

 

[Efilismislife]

I can somehow relate and it reminds me 2 days ago my mom also lectured me about God. But im sick of it cause they abused me using religion. Like wth...wheres the logic..

And i feel sick of crying too and waste of water just making the body more dehydrated

But maybe after resting& dreaming, tomorrow you could feel less aweful? Emotion can be a rollercoaster. Sometimes it fluctuate sometimes it falldown

Sorry, I dont know what advice to give since i feel lost myself. Just can give thumbs up and reply as a respond

 

[nopointofliving]

I can somehow relate and it reminds me 2 days ago my mom also lectured me about God. But im sick of it cause they abused me using religion. Like wth...wheres the logic..

And i feel sick of crying too and waste of water just making the body more dehydrated

But maybe after crying and resting tomorrow you feel less aweful? Emotion can be a rollercoaster. Sometimes it fluctuate sometimes it falldown

Sorry, I dont know what advice to give since i feel lost myself. Just can give thumbs up and reply as a respond

At least you heard me and felt my pain...this means a lot for me. Thank you for being there for me, good one

 

[Efilismislife]

At least you heard me and felt my pain...this means a lot for me. Thank you for being there for me, good one

I just realized i read your post wrong i thought youre crying
So i edit my post

And read you wanna continue to bed
Sleeping and dreaming of good things might make you feel better hopefully

 

[nopointofliving]

I just realized i read your post wrong i thought youre crying
So i edit my post

And read you wanna continue to bed
Sleeping and dreaming of good things might make you feel better hopefully

Its ok dear... your response was precious. Hugs

 

[Elysium Searcher]

It's heartbreaking to read that the fact that you don't really believe in god anymore was more important for your mom than the mental state you are.
I can't really understand how faith may be more important than someone who's incredibly suffering at the moment...

I hope one day you will gain the energy and courage to make your life more bearable, no matter what the choice can be.
Sending hugs

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really can be so cruel and exhausting. It is hard to take our own lives, and it is like being trapped when you want to leave but you feel like you can't. Sometimes what others say can make us feel worse, they simply don't understand how much you are suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[Ramirez]

I'm sorry to hear you are doing this bad! I know how heartbreaking it is being treated like that by a parent. I hope you feel a bit better after having some more sleep.
And dont take this the wrong way but your Mom sure was acting like a DICK.

 

[unperson]

I relate to the feelings and just being stuck and staying in bed. And being alone. That's hard

 

[Rayzieka]

I hate it when parents love their religion more than their children.
Why have them in the first place- oh right the religion probably commands it. Such a horrible cycle.
My mom told me if I can't accept god she can't accept my mental illness. It feels like religion grabs hold of your brain and juices it dry.

 

[LastFlowers]

I hate to make a joke but she said it herself..
"return to God", if that were me I would have turned that poor choice of words into an opportune retort.

In all seriousness though, I'm sorry religion and the belief-or lack of belief-in God is throwing such a wrench into your conversations with your Mother.
It is horrible that she would threaten to abandon you just because you are suffering and have come to the logical conclusion that God means shit all.
She should at least acknowledge your pain and regret telling you to be grateful for something that's far from a "gift".

I know what you mean by a lack of energy to even ctb, death is no easy task, and if we don't have the energy to live, then how on earth will we gain it in order to kill ourselves..

 

[Shadowgeist]

@nopointofliving Religion has blinded people for centuries. Manipulated by judgement and fear. They have been indoctrinated since birth, and I'm sorry to hear your mother is in the same boat. I am 43, and back living with my religious and judgmental mother due to a failed suicide attempt merely 5 weeks ago. I had lost my wife, children, and home because of her deciding to cheat and leave me for another man. There was an altercation, and I decided to take my own life as opposed to deal with that reality. Now, even my job is on the line for being out of work for a little over 4 weeks due to recovering for 16 days from the attempt, and my ex won't let me see my kids or speak to her at all now. Last week I ordered SN and everything I needed to take my life. I was 100% ready. I had no hope left, no friends, and no future. 5 days ago something changed, I found someone to talk to, I found someone that values me, and because of it, I found some self worth, and I found some glimmer of hope. I share this with you Op, because I was in such despair and ready to die. But you never know what the next day can bring. My SN, meto, tamaret, and propranolol all arrived today. And I feel good knowing I have an out. But for now, it will sit on a shelf for another time. Im telling you to hang in there, it's not too late for hope. You have us as friends, we understand and can help