I am so insecure :(

[FireFox]

I am so insecure. On the outside i appear to be happy but deep down i hate what i am . I wish i didnt exist. I am not depressed strangely but i want to stop existing altogether. I am sorry if this post is self centred, whinging , trivial etc.

My insecurities:
- I have not done anything big with my life. I am 23 .Seeing people my age going travelling, getting married, winning tv shows or going on reality tv, having a large social media profile or being a high profile activist bringing about change or working in coropate career etc.I feel like a loser

- I Never had a paying a job i am 23. It is so embrassing. I was never encouraged to work in high school or university. the job rejections furthur the insecurity.

- i am still single and a virgin. It makes me feel unloved and undesired.
Everything is a mess. I see no relief
I feel like i can never overcome this

 

[rainonme]

I don't think that you are sure that you want to CTB, it seems you still have hope, but it's your choice.

Personally, I think 23 is very young. I am 19 and I feel like a kid still....I don't see much changing by 23.

 

[IwishIwasAttractive]

same. all because im ugly. life is painful if ure ugly

 

[Oh so tired]

You are only 23, give yourself a break. Work, relationships, other achievements will come with time, if you want them to. It sounds like you are putting an enormous amount of pressure on yourself. I don't want to come across all 'pro-life' (I'm suicidal myself) but it sounds to me that you need to give yourself more time

 

[4eyebiped]

First off ignore social media. If that wasn't the biggest cesspool and land of lies....

Secondly, don't compare yourself to others and don't compare your accomplishments to others. There are 8 billion people in the world and not everyone your age is making great strides and accomplishments. We also all mature and grow differently with different interests and tastes. Some people are also forced into doing what they are doing and hate it. While you are on the outside thinking wow look at all the great things this person is doing they are thinking how stressful and horrible their life is.

I bet you can over come this. I have faith in you! Now get off social media, embrace all your unique qualities, figure out what you enjoy or want to do and attempt to pursue some of them. You are lovable and you will eventually get laid!

 

[rainonme]

First off ignore social media. If that wasn't the biggest cesspool and land of lies....

Secondly, don't compare yourself to others and don't compare your accomplishments to others. There are 8 billion people in the world and not everyone your age is making great strides and accomplishments. We also all mature and grow differently with different interests and tastes. Some people are also forced into doing what they are doing and hate it. While you are on the outside thinking wow look at all the great things this person is doing they are thinking how stressful and horrible their life is.

I bet you can over come this. I have faith in you! Now get off social media, embrace all your unique qualities, figure out what you enjoy or want to do and attempt to pursue some of them. You are lovable and you will eventually get laid!

This person is right, and I do not mean to be pro-life, but social media will not help your depression. I'm pretty sure everyone who goes on there is affected mentally.

 

[melancholy_lily]

Try not to compare yourself to others, remember you are seeing the images they choose to publish. Inside they may have the same or different struggles and insecurities. Even though they may have a high paying job or go on trips that might not make them happy either. Agree with others that social media was a mistake!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

As long as you hate rather than accept "what" you are -- you're calling yourself lower than "who"! -- then you're going to remain beaten down and unable to move or see anything but the messages on the walls of the condemning prison you're locked in.

Get angry! Fuck the messages, including what everybody else does, because it's not what EVERYBODY does! Don't wait for anyone else to validate you, validate yourself! You have a right to exist because you DO exist, and fuck anyone who has a problem with it. If they don't like it, let them kill you, but don't do it for them, as it's highly unlikely villagers with torches and pitchforks will ever show up at your door, lazy fuckers.

When you first joined, you said you wished you had a mentor. I can't volunteer because I have to focus so much on my own stuff, that's not something I can commit to so I won't volunteer. But this is what I would say to you as a mentor: Goddamnit, get pissed on behalf of yourself. Hug yourself. Validate yourself. You're already valid. Give yourself all the love and advice and acceptance you give to others here, you're really good at it, so focus it where it can be most effective: on YOU. You can fucking do it. Go beat the shit out of something and let that anger wake up, even if it feels weird at first, even if it takes several tries. You're worth the fight for yourself, and no one else can do it for you, so FIGHT. Get yourself out of that dungeon or whatever you define yourself as being held in/held down by. I'm cheering you on. I'll keep yelling that YOU CAN! Inch by inch, take all the rests you need, build up strength, make progress, slip back a bit, rest and build up more strength, and keep going until you're out. You. CAN.

 

[FireFox]

First off ignore social media. If that wasn't the biggest cesspool and land of lies....

Secondly, don't compare yourself to others and don't compare your accomplishments to others. There are 8 billion people in the world and not everyone your age is making great strides and accomplishments. We also all mature and grow differently with different interests and tastes. Some people are also forced into doing what they are doing and hate it. While you are on the outside thinking wow look at all the great things this person is doing they are thinking how stressful and horrible their life is.

I bet you can over come this. I have faith in you! Now get off social media, embrace all your unique qualities, figure out what you enjoy or want to do and attempt to pursue some of them. You are lovable and you will eventually get laid!

Last year i went to a church party and the people i go to church with are so successful. I went to school with these people as well
They have a careers, partners etc
One of the mothers in the church asked what i was doing now i graduated . Her daughters go to the top unis in the UK.
I couldnt answer her question it was so awful.

This person is right, and I do not mean to be pro-life, but social media will not help your depression. I'm pretty sure everyone who goes on there is affected mentally.

Meeting people doesnt help either . I would bump in to people i went to school with they are so successful.
They have careers and partners
The church i go to the people that attend there, also went to the same school as me.
I live in an area in which people know each other
My relatives like to share their acheivments with other relatives. My relatives want to know what i am doing.
Everyone around me is doing something and i am lost and clueless

Try not to compare yourself to others, remember you are seeing the images they choose to publish. Inside they may have the same or different struggles and insecurities. Even though they may have a high paying job or go on trips that might not make them happy either. Agree with others that social media was a mistake!

I dont use social media but i sometimes i browse through twitter using the search button.

I live in an area in which the people i went to school with also go to the same church as me.
I have relatives who love to show off as well.
I just feel like a failure everyday

 

[Good4Nothing]

I'm 48 and I've accomplished nothing. My problem is different from yours, though, in that I keep sabotaging my life and ending up back at square one. I'll just echo what everyone else here has already said: Stop comparing yourself to others. It's okay to take life slow - it's your life, live it at a pace you're comfortable with.
To quote the late, great, Kurt Vonnegut Jr: "You were put on this Earth to fart around. Don't let anyone tell you any different."

As long as you hate rather than accept "what" you are -- you're calling yourself lower than "who"! -- then you're going to remain beaten down and unable to move or see anything but the messages on the walls of the condemning prison you're locked in.

Get angry! Fuck the messages, including what everybody else does, because it's not what EVERYBODY does! Don't wait for anyone else to validate you, validate yourself! You have a right to exist because you DO exist, and fuck anyone who has a problem with it. If they don't like it, let them kill you, but don't do it for them, as it's highly unlikely villagers with torches and pitchforks will ever show up at your door, lazy fuckers.

When you first joined, you said you wished you had a mentor. I can't volunteer because I have to focus so much on my own stuff, that's not something I can commit to so I won't volunteer. But this is what I would say to you as a mentor: Goddamnit, get pissed on behalf of yourself. Hug yourself. Validate yourself. You're already valid. Give yourself all the love and advice and acceptance you give to others here, you're really good at it, so focus it where it can be most effective: on YOU. You can fucking do it. Go beat the shit out of something and let that anger wake up, even if it feels weird at first, even if it takes several tries. You're worth the fight for yourself, and no one else can do it for you, so FIGHT. Get yourself out of that dungeon or whatever you define yourself as being held in/held down by. I'm cheering you on. I'll keep yelling that YOU CAN! Inch by inch, take all the rests you need, build up strength, make progress, slip back a bit, rest and build up more strength, and keep going until you're out. You. CAN.

Wait... Didn't you call me "new-age Tony Robbins" in another of FireFox's threads when I was trying to be positive and encouraging?
What gives?

 

[Despondent]

I don't see anything wrong with having insecurities. I think you're still really young and there's a lot more for you to experience. Not everything is achieved as early as we desire but you can do great things and there will be someone who loves you and sweeps you off your feet ❤ Again, you're still young and even though others around you have chosen to follow their pathway at an early stage, that doesn't mean that you're not able to follow yours. I'll be partying when I'm your age!! You're only 23 once. One day you'll look back and will see how young you were.

 

[4eyebiped]

Everyone has a different idea on what success is. Also everyone has different wants and desires. Some of the things you mention, some people don't even want. Some people prefer lower paying but more satisfying jobs. Some do not like to travel as they are more so a homebody. Lots of people these days wait till later in life to get married, for numerous reasons, and a lot of early marriages fail.

There is nothing you have said that would cause me to judge you and feel you are unsuccessful. But, it isn't my or anyone's here job to judge you. You will have to judge yourself but I still say comparing yourself to others is quite the deadly rabbit hole. You are unique and need to follow your own path and that path does not need to be compared to others as it isn't theirs. I completely understand why you feel the way you do. We all fall prey to these thoughts on some level.

Give yourself time to find your groove. We are often our own worst critic. Instead of judging and instead of criticizing, the others here on the forum and I will instead be your cheerleaders to help you along the way!

 

[FireFox]

I'm 48 and I've accomplished nothing. My problem is different from yours, though, in that I keep sabotaging my life and ending up back at square one. I'll just echo what everyone else here has already said: Stop comparing yourself to others. It's okay to take life slow - it's your life, live it at a pace you're comfortable with.
To quote the late, great, Kurt Vonnegut Jr: "You were put on this Earth to fart around. Don't let anyone tell you any different."


Wait... Didn't you call me "new-age Tony Robbins" in another of FireFox's threads when I was trying to be positive and encouraging?
What gives?

@Good4Nothing No i never called you a new age tony robbins.
Who is tony robbins?
Thanks for your words by the way.
I am under a lot of stress to figure it all out.
I feel like i am running out of time. I am just on edge. The future absolutely scares me.

I dont feel young . It is so hard to explain

 

[Good4Nothing]

@Good4Nothing No i never called you a new age tony robbins.
Who is tony robbins?
Thanks for your words by the way.
I am under a lot of stress to figure it all out.
I feel like i am running out of time. I am just on edge. The future absolutely scares me.

I dont feel young . It is so hard to explain

That wasn't directed at you, FireFox. It was directed at the person I quoted. Sorry for the confusion.
The part above the quote is for you.

 

[CalmStrikeofMercy]

I have not done anything big with my life. I am 23 .Seeing people my age going travelling, getting married, winning tv shows or going on reality tv, having a large social media profile or being a high profile activist bringing about change or working in coropate career etc.I feel like a loser

- I Never had a paying a job i am 23. It is so embrassing. I was never encouraged to work in high school or university. the job rejections furthur the insecurity.

- i am still single and a virgin. It makes me feel unloved and undesired.
Everything is a mess. I see no relief
I feel like i can never overcome this

Seems to me like you are in the midst of your rite of passage and finding your place. Nothing wrong with that. Some of those people just figured out how to network and had connections. Could check out local caucuses and get involved or see who is hiring in your field and be persistent. Figure out how to honestly amd accurately play yourself up.

The divorce rate is also ~50%. There is domestic violence whole bunch of nasty behavior behind the shiny venear that is shown to the public.

No need to put the cart before the horse. Find something you are passionate about and go from there. Stick to your proverbs.

And as far as having work experience...have you (no judgement) done anything else? Volunteer? Skills? Achievements? Accomplishments?

College is pretty huge. Shows commitment, initiative, intelligence, dedication, and perserverence.

And being 23 and a virgin is not a bad thing. It seems wholesome if anything. Doesn't make you undesireable at all. Some people just like to see that you can provide before they find a mate.
As someone who has, finding the right person is imperative. There are diseases, people who are abusive, and the like. Keying cars, destroying their property...I mean, can get scary out there.
The grass is not always greener.

Not sure where you are at on the...abrahamic religion scale...just that you are Christian...but maybe this is universal...to be less envious is to be more grateful. I believe that is the counter from a biblical perspective. Like letting out more versus sucking in more.
There are Christian mingle websites you could go to and play around in but would highly recommend putting that at the end of your goal.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Wait... Didn't you call me "new-age Tony Robbins" in another of FireFox's threads when I was trying to be positive and encouraging?
What gives?

This made me chuckle, not because I'm making fun of you, but because I hear you and also respect your coming back for clarification when it could be perceived that I was being hypocritical. Right on. I'm glad to address it.

I think you and I share in common a fighting spirit, to exhort others to fight when there is something to fight, and to be a kind of warrior-cheerleader for others when they need encouragement. I honor that about you, and I didn't do that before, because I was thrown by the content of the message, which when combined with the tone, made me think of Tony Robbins and new age...propaganda, I guess. I knew then I wasn't stating it well, I hope this will clarify.

For background, this was @FireFox's thread where the conversation took place, and these were our comments:

Yes, everything is confusing at 23.
But you literally have your whole life ahead of you.
You've only just begun to live.
There's a whole world out there to experience.
If you're brave enough to CTB, you're brave enough to TRY to live.
TRY to find a life that makes you happy, or at least causes you less pain.
You're 23 and indestructable. The world is here for YOU. Be reckless. Be BRAVE.
You'll be okay.

But...you were 23 once...and you're not okay, according to your posts and "life has killed me."

I think your intentions were good, but this whole comment was just...I'm trying to say this gently, but I don't know how, so I'll just be honest. It sounds like a new age self-help book, or Tony Robbins, or some really good drugs.

Not hating on you, it's just not reality.

I took exception to your exhortations not because of the spirit, but because they weren't grounded in reality, and combined with the spirit, that's what made me think of new age and Tony Robbins. Specifically, the comments: "You're 23 and indestructable. The world is here for YOU...You'll be okay." Because no one is indestructible at any age. Because the world isn't really here for anyone, just more amenable to some than to others, and even that can turn on a dime. And because there is no way of knowing if she'll be okay. So to me, it was like getting high -- very uplifting and motivating for awhile, but likely to be followed by a crash.

I definitely got up on a rah-rah soapbox with my previous comment in this current thread and sought, as you did, to motivate. But my underlying purpose was to identify and confront the beliefs I picked up on in the OP of this thread. They seem to imprison her in disempowering illusions, such that, to me, it's like a prison with messages on the walls so that they surround her, entrap her, and dictate her perceptions and experiences. Working with that metaphor, one can escape by identifying and breaking through the illusions.

In my experience, having done years of this kind of focused self-work, and having worked for a time with others who sought the same, it is possible to break free of the prison of such beliefs if one is capable of identifying them, wants to identify them, wants to combat them, and wants both tools and encouragement to do so. However, that may not ultimately be what @FireFox is seeking, whether now or later on, or my way of dealing may not resonate with her, and I accept that. In certain situations such as this one (and this has nothing to do with you), my manner is to get on my soapbox, point shit out, be a warrior-cheerleader, climb back down, and let the one I exhorted do with it as they choose, when they choose. Not everyone connects with my style or my perceptions, and I can't fix anyone, just jump up and down and yell for a bit and, if they seek more, be there as I am able until the issue is worked out, or they move on to something or someone else.

@FireFox, I didn't mean to talk about you as if you're not here. Those last two paragraphs were also for you. In fact, I was planning to return to this thread to follow up and tell you that, while I got excited, I in no way expect you to take on anything I say. If it has value for you, great, and if it doesn't that's great, too. I'm all about autonomy and self-determination. You are your own person separate from me, and have the right to determine for yourself at any time what you seek and what you don't, what you want and what you don't. I spoke with compassionate passion, and I jumped up and down to draw your attention to something I see as harmful to you, but that's about me. How you experience the comment and what you do with it is about you. I deeply respect that and only wish you well.

 

[LastFlowers]

Sorry to be trite, but do you really want to go on reality tv??? That would be my worst nightmare. It's not even a respectable "accomplishment".

 

[Good4Nothing]

I took exception to your exhortations not because of the spirit, but because they weren't grounded in reality, and combined with the spirit, that's what made me think of new age and Tony Robbins. Specifically, the comments: "You're 23 and indestructable. The world is here for YOU...You'll be okay." Because no one is indestructible at any age. Because the world isn't really here for anyone, just more amenable to some than to others, and even that can turn on a dime. And because there is no way of knowing if she'll be okay. So to me, it was like getting high -- very uplifting and motivating for awhile, but likely to be followed by a crash.

I wrote that because that's how I felt at 23. Sure, I was miserable and depressed and lonely, but I was determined to experience life, even if it killed me. There were lots of times it should have killed me, but it didn't. Now I can say I climbed a mountain in Alaska and watched the sun set and rise from the top of the world (among many other reckless things I did when I was young and 'invincible'). Couldn't say that if I hadn't done it, and I did it when I was 23.

Thanks for responding, and being civil about it. I think we understand eachother now.

Sorry for the hijack, FireFox.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

To quote the late, great, Kurt Vonnegut Jr: "You were put on this Earth to fart around. Don't let anyone tell you any different."

I love this! I've never heard it before. Wish I'd heard it when I was younger, it would have taken off a lot of pressure and I'd have had a lot more fun.

I wrote that because that's how I felt at 23. Sure, I was miserable and depressed and lonely, but I was determined to experience life, even if it killed me. There were lots of times it should have killed me, but it didn't. Now I can say I climbed a mountain in Alaska and watched the sun set and rise from the top of the world (among many other reckless things I did when I was young and 'invincible'). Couldn't say that if I hadn't done it, and I did it when I was 23.

Thanks for responding, and being civil about it. I think we understand eachother now.

Sorry for the hijack, FireFox.

Thanks for this great response. We do indeed understand each other better now. I'm glad.

 

[FireFox]

Sorry to be trite, but do you really want to go on reality tv??? That would be my worst nightmare. It's not even a respectable "accomplishment".

@LastFlowers not really no . Seeing reality stars become so successful i just so envious of them. They have really made it in life.
A girl went on love island ( UL dating show) and she became a millionare at 22.
Their lives are more interesting than mine.
I am just a crazy single woman who finds politics and worlds issues more interesting than going to parties.
I spent more time at protests than partying.
No guy will find this cool

Seems to me like you are in the midst of your rite of passage and finding your place. Nothing wrong with that. Some of those people just figured out how to network and had connections. Could check out local caucuses and get involved or see who is hiring in your field and be persistent. Figure out how to honestly amd accurately play yourself up.

The divorce rate is also ~50%. There is domestic violence whole bunch of nasty behavior behind the shiny venear that is shown to the public.

No need to put the cart before the horse. Find something you are passionate about and go from there. Stick to your proverbs.

And as far as having work experience...have you (no judgement) done anything else? Volunteer? Skills? Achievements? Accomplishments?

College is pretty huge. Shows commitment, initiative, intelligence, dedication, and perserverence.

And being 23 and a virgin is not a bad thing. It seems wholesome if anything. Doesn't make you undesireable at all. Some people just like to see that you can provide before they find a mate.
As someone who has, finding the right person is imperative. There are diseases, people who are abusive, and the like. Keying cars, destroying their property...I mean, can get scary out there.
The grass is not always greener.

Not sure where you are at on the...abrahamic religion scale...just that you are Christian...but maybe this is universal...to be less envious is to be more grateful. I believe that is the counter from a biblical perspective. Like letting out more versus sucking in more.
There are Christian mingle websites you could go to and play around in but would highly recommend putting that at the end of your goal.

@CalmStrikeofMercy i have volunteered in the past but employers are not interested.

I did a voluntary placement at university with a charity giving advice to people on thier problems . It went badly and the wrong thing ruined my confidence. I struggled with the advising, clients walked out on me and i was so bad at my work my collegues had to take over.

Afterr the placement i was just afriad of messing up and began to hide more. I was offered a saturday job at random by this woman who swt up her own church this was 2 ywars ago. I turned it down due to the fear of messing up and being needy

I am never going to have a job offer in my life again

I feel like i am the only 23 who has never worked
I have major insecurities about it
I apply for retail jobs, supermarket jobs etc and i get rejected always.
I am unemployable

 

[Muirthemne]

I am just a crazy single woman who finds politics and worlds issues more interesting than going to parties.
I spent more time at protests than partying.
No guy will find this cool

I'm a guy, and I think it's cool. I hate parties, and having a social conscience and making your voice heard is a really admirable and interesting trait to have.

 

[X-Kid]

24 male here. Also a virgin work 30 hours a week. Been depressed since 14. My days are numbered. Only have 3 friends. 2 really close ones and I only see them once every few weeks. Hard of hearing and awkward in social situations. So if you want to compare yourself to someone, here I am

I've had 3 failed attempts so this next one is going to be the last. I'll be doing SN again and it won't be at home so I won't be found for a while. I'll probably be found by a dog out for a stroll somewhere. I'm just not ready to try again yet. I'm paranoid about measuring the correct amount so I'm going to get several different scales and check them against another. Also going to try and bullshit my psychiatrist into giving me an antiemetic. The one i used last time worked, but I'll be more confident going by the book.

 

[CalmStrikeofMercy]

I'm a guy, and I think it's cool. I hate parties, and having a social conscience and making your voice heard is a really admirable and interesting trait to have.

Completely agree!

@LastFlowers not really no . Seeing reality stars become so successful i just so envious of them. They have really made it in life.
A girl went on love island ( UL dating show) and she became a millionare at 22.
Their lives are more interesting than mine.
I am just a crazy single woman who finds politics and worlds issues more interesting than going to parties.
I spent more time at protests than partying.
No guy will find this cool

@CalmStrikeofMercy i have volunteered in the past but employers are not interested.

I did a voluntary placement at university with a charity giving advice to people on thier problems . It went badly and the wrong thing ruined my confidence. I struggled with the advising, clients walked out on me and i was so bad at my work my collegues had to take over.

Afterr the placement i was just afriad of messing up and began to hide more. I was offered a saturday job at random by this woman who swt up her own church this was 2 ywars ago. I turned it down due to the fear of messing up and being needy

I am never going to have a job offer in my life again

I feel like i am the only 23 who has never worked
I have major insecurities about it
I apply for retail jobs, supermarket jobs etc and i get rejected always.
I am unemployable

The fear of failure. I have met many other like you and have heard of this before as well. One mistake does not mean you are bad. Just a lesson in life and if the lesson is learned and understood, then does not mean you could not not try again. If you did it like all the time and it caused chaos and was linked to you, then just means you go elsewhere and try again or see if it can be rectified by a mediator or something.
The fact that you put out work and you are involved shows initiative and civility. That is lacking in the areas I have been in so the fact that you are out there....courageous of you.

 

[Meowkin]

I am so insecure. On the outside i appear to be happy but deep down i hate what i am . I wish i didnt exist. I am not depressed strangely but i want to stop existing altogether. I am sorry if this post is self centred, whinging , trivial etc.

My insecurities:
- I have not done anything big with my life. I am 23 .Seeing people my age going travelling, getting married, winning tv shows or going on reality tv, having a large social media profile or being a high profile activist bringing about change or working in coropate career etc.I feel like a loser

- I Never had a paying a job i am 23. It is so embrassing. I was never encouraged to work in high school or university. the job rejections furthur the insecurity.

- i am still single and a virgin. It makes me feel unloved and undesired.
Everything is a mess. I see no relief
I feel like i can never overcome this

I'm sorry for your situation. It's difficult watching life happen to some while it seems life passes you by. It seems you might be feeling inadequate looking at everyone else's situation. Feeling inadequate hurts. I'm truly sorry for your pain. You're entitled to your feelings, their yours and I don't think you need to apologise for them.