Venting I am selfish

[rottenandabused]

I don't believe I actually want to die, knowing well all the probable things I could miss if I go through with CTB.

Is it selfish to just do it, suspended hanging, just so I can get put in a hospital for complications? I know the risks of a failed suspension, but all that I would like to have is for my friends to fucking talk to me first. To visit me there, now knowing I'm capable of CTB and that at any moment I might disappear.

I want to feel loved, wanted. That's why I'm aiming for hospitalization when I CTB.

 

[helterskelter]

i think there are a lot safer / more responsible ways to get attention from your friends. i know its a nice fantasy to do something super dramatic but hanging could leave you a vegetable if you dont die.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Hm. People don't know what to do about other people's problems unless they have the same experience. Everybody is looking for their own way of life, no other way. If you need help, ask someone who has had similar experiences.

 

[rottenandabused]

Hm. People don't know what to do about other people's problems unless they have the same experience. Everybody is looking for their own way of life, no other way. If you need help, ask someone who has had similar experiences.

I don't see my friends as my therapists or nurses, I just want their attention. I'm not looking for 'help', just 'support'.
It's difficult for me to talk to people when I'm depressed, because it feels like the attention they give me is out of pity or unease.

 

[TheHolySword]

I would not recommend this. So many things can go wrong. You can permanently damage yourself and become a shallow husk. Or you can actually end up CTBing. I'm sorry that you are so alone, it's okay to want attention and love from others but this isn't how you go about it. This is psychological and emotional manipulation and may cause you to lose friends if they find out. Plus not everyone is equipped to handle something so devastating. I urge you to find other avenues to cope and find ways to connect with your friends if you truly do not wish to CTB.