FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,611
I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I have feelings especially throughout my life and fear being judged if I seek professional help for them. No therapist will touch this or take seriously.
I will be honest when I see a white woman with blonde hair generally I just feel so unattractive as her features stand out more whereas I feel my brown skin, black hair and dark brown eyes just are plain and boring. The blonde woman she will be always be seen as beautiful by society, men, desired by men, loved by men whereas I will not. She will always be prettier than me and chosen over me by men it I actually painful acknowledging this.
Going through teenage years and my 20s experiencing the guys (including non white men) I like always choosing the white girls and now women over me made me feel so unattractive and ugly. The racial bullying at school was just awful even black boys in my class laughed along with the racist boy who builled me.
As a teenager It's absolutely hurt seeing my crush look at this Engilsh with blonde hair and blue eyes, it was clear he was attracted to her. He did like her all the boys did and was always nice her and filrting with her. My crush he had black hair and brown eyes and he was not even White. I realised I will never be seen as pretty like her and have all the boys really like you and want you.
She was mean to me but I was wished I was pretty like her because it looked so empowering seeing her being liked and wanted by all the boys while I was ignored and overlooked by the boys even though I was naturally confident and friendly. As I grow older I hate my features. I only see my low weight body from my anoxeria as the perfect feature everything else I hate.
No therapist is going to take this seriously I have to deal with this problem myself
I will be honest when I see a white woman with blonde hair generally I just feel so unattractive as her features stand out more whereas I feel my brown skin, black hair and dark brown eyes just are plain and boring. The blonde woman she will be always be seen as beautiful by society, men, desired by men, loved by men whereas I will not. She will always be prettier than me and chosen over me by men it I actually painful acknowledging this.
Going through teenage years and my 20s experiencing the guys (including non white men) I like always choosing the white girls and now women over me made me feel so unattractive and ugly. The racial bullying at school was just awful even black boys in my class laughed along with the racist boy who builled me.
As a teenager It's absolutely hurt seeing my crush look at this Engilsh with blonde hair and blue eyes, it was clear he was attracted to her. He did like her all the boys did and was always nice her and filrting with her. My crush he had black hair and brown eyes and he was not even White. I realised I will never be seen as pretty like her and have all the boys really like you and want you.
She was mean to me but I was wished I was pretty like her because it looked so empowering seeing her being liked and wanted by all the boys while I was ignored and overlooked by the boys even though I was naturally confident and friendly. As I grow older I hate my features. I only see my low weight body from my anoxeria as the perfect feature everything else I hate.
No therapist is going to take this seriously I have to deal with this problem myself