Cyagangy
Self Immolation fr fr
- Apr 27, 2024
- 87
I realized that since I'm 18 I have to pay my own medical bills for if I survive my next attempt. I told myself many times that last attempt will be my last. I thought that would be the case but after failing a 6th time on my 4th day of trying I developed psychosis. I had a thought that God talked to me despite knowing damn well that's not the case. I'm self aware but it does nothing to spare me the betrayal of my mind. My new plan is to buy fentanyl. I'm going to start a stream review the Bible by John 3 I'll take some Tylenol to tire myself mentally then I will take my opioids to overdose. To finish it off I'll use the lighter fluid for my grill on myself and go out in flames. It may sound painful but if done right I most likely won't feel the flames. Even if I were to seek help the medical bills would kill me on the inside and I won't be able to joined the military to pay for them. It was so bad I even did the psychotic laughter thing that you see in movies (It's not the exact same) yes it made me feel better but that laughter comes from the back of your throat. It's not a genuine laugh of joy but it comes from the fact you can d nothing but accept your situation. I'm really sorry if my next posts on here are just religious rants. I searched it up and my self awareness can only last so long.