I am not even upset that I have to kill myself so much. I just hate that I have to hurt family

[ChildrensITV]

My life was never meant to work. I was never meant to be happy. Everything in my life must come crashing down. Those are just facts that I have learned to accept. Even if I don't accept them, they are still true no matter what. But Why do I have to have parents who want me here? If I have to kill myself, fine. I am thankful that I have SN to do it. But WHY OH WHY do I have to be burdened with knowing what it will do to my family? Why can't think of me more? Why do I have to consider others before myself?

I know my time is short. I can feel a clock counting down the weeks, days, hours until I do the logical thing. It is the most logical thing to do with a life as broken as mine. Born the wrong race. Sex. Attractiveness. Intelligence. Hormonal profile. And life didn't stop fucking me over then. No. That was just for starters. I'm sick to death of it. It's literally tearing my sanity to shreds being here. What the fuck is the point of having me here when I am a shadow of who I could have been? It hasn't worked. It's time to call it quits. We do it to animals all the time, cuz it's humane. Why can't my family just accept that I was a mistake and that I needed to correct myself?

I have my SN hidden but I am wondering if it is so hidden that it will get warm. That would just be my luck. I hate it here. I am convinced that after I kill myself, God will nuke the planet. I feel like I am here for him to watch with popcorn. To see how much I can take. After this "show" - starring me - is over, after lasting so many "seasons", I am sure he shut down the whole "studio".

 

[Valky]

I am sorry That life has brought you to this point. I really am. And if sucks so so much that we have to hurt our loved ones only to make the pain stop. I really wish this wasn't the 'only' way.

May I ask why you feel like you have to ctb?

 

[ChildrensITV]

Cuz I have been depressed for over 20 years and nothing has changed. Except things have worsened. Now I can't even support myself financially. Already, I don't want to be here, and now I am struggling financially to stick around in a life that I hated anyway. There's a lot more but I couldn't really express the severity in words without typing up an essay. I'm on like page 15 of my suicide note and even that doesn't cover it all. I am just a broken man in EVERY aspect. There is not one part of me of value.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so hypocritical how people see it as being a compassionate thing euthanising a suffering animal yet they expect humans to just stay here against their wishes and suffer endlessly. But of course it's really understandable just wishing to be free from an existence that you hate, this world truly is such an awful place, I think that those with the option of SN certainly are fortunate.

 

[FrostedHoax]

I can relate to this heavily. I've come to terms with the fact that i'm pretty much destined to kill myself within the next couple of years and that there's nothing that can stop me from doing so. But knowing the pain and suffering it'll bring to my family torments me day-to-day and if there's a life after this one, it'll probably follow me all the way there.