Venting I am not allowed to kill myself! Fuck this hell!

[Promortalistic4Life]

I just vented to my mom about my suicidal thoughts and she was begging me to stay alive even tho I have no interest in doing so. I know I would cause tremendous pain to my mom and grandma but fuck. I don't wanna keep living in this misery but it seems life finds it's way to keep you in this hell. All I have in front of me is "No Escape". This feels like a nightmare. I can't CTB due to my moral obligations I fucking hate it so much fuck

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, I'm in a similar situation.
I was gonna ctb on Jan, 21st but my grandpa passed away a few days ago and now I just can't leave him alone. I know he will go mad and end up in a psych ward if I die.

I wish we could be at peace...

 

[Wrennie]

I'm stuck too because if I end up failing my CTB my parents will be forced to shoulder my medical bills and my conscience won't allow me to do that to them. Agh, having morals is like the ultimate barrier to CTB.

Much love to you OP

 

[Promortalistic4Life]

Thanks Wrennie. But have you considered SN? If you fail, there is no damage it would cause to your body (if they find you in time the doctors will just flush that chemical out of your body) + if done right, it's pretty much painless. That's at least my favored method, mostly for these reasons.

 

[kite]

I'm in a similar situation and well; I can't find a way to go because my family is always watching over me and they won't give me much autonomy. They also expect me to be filial to them so there's the added guilt of not being able to do that. I know how horrible it feels to feel so trapped; I'm sorry you're in such a predicament. Hugs ❤

 

[Wrennie]

Thanks Wrennie. But have you considered SN? If you fail, there is no damage it would cause to your body (if they find you in time the doctors will just flush that chemical out of your body) + if done right, it's pretty much painless. That's at least my favored method, mostly for these reasons.

I've definitely considered SN. It's my go-to method if the Rebreather isn't re-released, and I have a bottle of it stored nearby... it's mainly just the cost of the ambulance and methylene blue in the event that I chicken-out last minute preventing me from taking that leap. I don't want to monetarily inconvenience my family, especially since my brother is ill and he also needs his medical bills paid.

 

[WaitingForTheBusInTh]

That was holding me up for a long time, and tbh sometimes it still really gets me. But the way I look at it is while its selfish to leave, it's also selfish to want to keep someone around who doesnt want to be there.
It's super hard when you have family that cares, and you have my sympathy