Help I am living in limbo and death seems to be my only escape

[Mustkeyknow]

This is all my fault. I'm not evil I'm just, stupid. I made so many mistakes, fried my brain with drug abuse, burned bridges with friends, ruined my career beyond salvation, no one will hire me.

Everyday I wake up and it's the same, I wish I could go back to sleep. My mom will be crushed but the pain is getting more and more intense with each passing day.

Seems like my CTB day is just around the corner. I hope I can succeed. Got my SN and my meto already. Wrote goodbye letters to everyone important. All I need is to pay some pending bills and that'll be all.

 

[socrates]

Sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm sorry to hear you have experience such pain. Don't call your self stupid. It will only cause you more pain, and your not stupid anyway. Your right though your not evil either.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm sorry to hear you have experience such pain. Don't call your self stupid. It will only cause you more pain, and your not stupid anyway. Your right though your not evil either.

Thank you for your kind words but I am stupid, no shame in that. My brain is rotten at this point. It's ok though, Ive accepted my destiny.

 

[Mr2005]

I know how you feel, done all the same shit. I wish it was fifteen years ago but it isn't. Worst thing is I'm not stupid at all, not enough to have done what I have and I'll never truly understand it, I just know it's cost me everything. Sat here with my girlfriend who I'm lucky to have but I feel like Nicolas Cage in The family man. That this isn't the life I was meant to have. There's a huge what if and I too feel like I'm in some kind of purgatory suffering for my sins. I can't even appreciate what's right in front of me

 

[colcol]

you are not alone

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Try not to blame yourself, it's a rigged game from the start. You managed to build a career , managed to make friends... Life will take all of it, from all of us sooner or later.

 

[Largeletters]

I'm sorry for all you've been through. I understand, I go through the same routine with work 5 or 6 times a week. My day(s) off is the only day that's not a carbon copy of the last or the next. I wish you peace on your journey.