Venting I am just tired of waiting and trying

[Rollinggirl]

I am just 18, but i am already tired. I thought after all I have suffered, I would finally be mentally clear and stable. Is it ridiculous that because of noise from expressway that my mental health went back to square one when I otherwise would have been normal already? Is it ridiculous that in order to have stable mental health, I need a quiet and peacful place that my family OWNS not just rent. We have a house of our own, but because I cannot stand the sight and noise of the expressway , my mom has rented a house for me, but because of that I feel some financial stress. And to wait for another house of our own is probably going to take another 5 years or so. I am tired of waiting...All this waiting and my youth has been wasted. Is it even worth waiting for? To suffer anxiety and stress while waiting for a house so I can be mentally stable. Is it worth it? Why do I have to keep waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. Why must I wait for a stable mental health. Don't I deserve mental health now? I have been waiting my whole life. Why must I wait again?

 

[not_a_robot]

"Owning" a home usually just means "renting it from the bank", unless one can pay off all at once.

 

[Rollinggirl]

To be honest, if my dimwit grandfather did not fucking borrowed from loan sharks or what not, we would have been at our old house which I actually like and feel like I belong. I wonder why we must move ? I dont think it was necessary. After all, if we could sell the house to someone else, why couldnt we have lived in it? This turned my life upside down because of moving house
The charcoal death is tempting, but I am afraid my room is too big

 

[DreamCatcher]

"Owning" a home usually just means "renting it from the bank", unless one can pay off all at once.

You don't even own a house once it's paid off. You still have to pay property taxes for the rest of your life. Sure the payments are smaller but you'll always have a landlord that will take it if you don't pay. There is always someone to take a dollar from you just for existing.

I spent my whole life waiting for "stable" mental health. It never happened. I thought a good job, a car, a house, and a stable family would do it. Got those things and it still never happened. I don't mean to be a downer, but these things you think will give you stability probably won't. You're chasing something external when the problem is in our heads and the battle must be fought there and not with some desire or external hope.

Pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but once you get there the rainbow is already somewhere else. If you're like me you'll chase it your entire life and never actually reach it.

If you actually want to try and solve it get a mental health professional and follow their advice. I don't think much of anything else will work other than to CTB to free ourselves of this world entirely.

 

[HGL91]

You don't even own a house once it's paid off. You still have to pay property taxes for the rest of your life. Sure the payments are smaller but you'll always have a landlord that will take it if you don't pay. There is always someone to take a dollar from you just for existing.

I spent my whole life waiting for "stable" mental health. It never happened. I thought a good job, a car, a house, and a stable family would do it. Got those things and it still never happened. I don't mean to be a downer, but these things you think will give you stability probably won't. You're chasing something external when the problem is in our heads and the battle must be fought there and not with some desire or external hope.

Pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but once you get there the rainbow is already somewhere else. If you're like me you'll chase it your entire life and never actually reach it.

If you actually want to try and solve it get a mental health professional and follow their advice. I don't think much of anything else will work other than to CTB to free ourselves of this world entirely.

Agreed. I grew up in my family home for longer than most. Like 23 years. And the property taxes were so stressful. The house repairs. The gardening. The cleaning.

Just different obstacles from renting a house or apartment, but still obstacles none the less. Happiness is just a fake concept sold to the masses to keep them working hard and staying alive.