I am in the final days of my life and i feel peace over my decision to kill myself

[FireFox]

I should be absolutely terrified that next week I am going to kill myself but I don't feel scared at all. I have finally surrendered to my suicidal thoughts and accepted my life is never going to get better. I will never experience having a man want me and choosing me the way other women get picked, I will never know a life without depression, anxiety and anoxeria.

All my life i have been a fighter and never a quitter. When I was builled at school I fought back against the people bullying me, when I was miserable in my last job I still went to work everyday and determined to overcome my numerous workplace problems and no matter how hard things became I never gave up and tried to find a way. I am now physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted from fighting. Life is nothing but a game and I am done playing.

I really wanted to live but disappointment after disappointment finally broke me down. I am tired of nothing ever working out. Life is only worth living if you get what you want ie being chosen by the person you really wanted and achieving whatever you wanted in life.

The urge to leave my body and mind is so strong I can no longer fight it anymore. I have been suffering like this since the age of 21. I did reach out for help but my loved ones never took it seriously, my closet friend at law undergraduate she began to distance herself from me when I told her I was suicidal, NHS was just inaccessible to me and the constant disappointments in my 20s made me believe even more life is not worth it.

For me suicide is just an escape from everything. Life was never for me.

 

[bigbang33]

I am so sorry that life has been so cruel You seem lovely.

 

[J&L383]

All my life i have been a fighter and never a quitter.

The urge to leave my body and mind is so strong

I feel these things too, Firefox. I hate the game. Always did. Peace to you.

 

[G000pie]

Now that I've decided I'm gonna die soon I've been feeling this peace unlike anything I've experienced in a long, long time. I have anxiety and while there's still an undercurrent it's not the constant panic attacks anymore... I just think about slipping out of this world and never coming back and it brings me so much solace. The pain and bargaining is behind me, now I look to ending things with open arms