Venting I am hyper and awake. (diary)

[tchaik18401893]

I slept 16 hours last night but tonight i am hyper. My heart is beating very fast despite laying in bed for hours. I am hungry but too tired to get up. My eyes are weary. And I am still, tired of life. Today was a fine day. I talked to some people. I felt mad at myself. I don't really need to annoy anybody more than I already do. I want to retreat back into my room forever. No alarm tomorrow. No getting out of bed.

My mom keeps comparing me to Princess Diana because I'm not eating. She is nit-picking at my appearance. Not in a necessarily negative way. More like "you're skin and bones" "you have no fat on you" "put some more on your plate". Its not helpful. I am 5'4" and 105 lbs. I suffer from an ED, and she just has to tell me that… eugh, whatever.


Apparently the only thing that makes me feel anything is music. If you didn't know, I listen to classical music exclusively. Yeah, idc call me boring. But if its the only thing making me feel actually real emotions deal with it. I find the melodies satisfying to my ears. The harsh tones are emotional and strong. I like to close my eyes and tilt my head back when listening to music. I feel less alone. But at the same time, the music has this whole-empty feeling. Why should music make me feel better? Especially trash music nobody listens to. Ugh i need to get a god damn life.

 

[Looking]

I wouldn't say classical music is trash. Classical music will always be timeless, and it will always be beautiful (at least to a lot of people). I think anything that makes you happy, satisfied or calm is something that's always good to have in your life. We all need something to feel less alone with.

Have you thought about picking up piano or something else? Maybe a hobby that's surrounded by your interest in music might help you have something to do.

 

[tchaik18401893]

I wouldn't say classical music is trash. Classical music will always be timeless, and it will always be beautiful (at least to a lot of people). I think anything that makes you happy, satisfied or calm is something that's always good to have in your life. We all need something to feel less alone with.

Have you thought about picking up piano or something else? Maybe a hobby that's surrounded by your interest in music might help you have something to do.

Thank you. Piano is hard for me, but i do play violin. I treasure it as if it were my own child.

 

[Looking]

Thank you. Piano is hard for me, but i do play violin. I treasure it as if it were my own child.

Oh, man, violin is one complicated beast of an instrument. I totally get why you'd treasure it so.

 

[Huntfish34]

Sorry to hear that, life can really suck sometimes. . As for the classical.. that doesn't make you boring at all. I've always enjoyed some good Bach, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, ... All very peaceful and soothing !

Other than alcohol/ drugs, music has been a Huge help for me to cope and deal with life on lifes terms. I will absolutely get Lost in it.

I wish you the best, thoughts and prayers -