I am going to kill myself this year because I am going to lose everything

[FireFox]

Last year I got into a law masters programme at one of the UK top universities. Getting into that university was the only good thing I had in my life last year. Last year was the worst year of my life so many things went wrong for me throughout the entire year. When I got into that university I finally felt happy again because it was helping me move on from all the pain I suffered throughout the year and finally my life was getting back on track.

At the last minute I was told the University had a rule which is to start the course a person has to pay £5,000 enrolment fee upfront I was forced to defer my place. Postgraduate system is different compared to undergraduate in the UK different universities have different rules on fess. My student loan I was given was not enough to cover the costs

The most painful thing was my mum was almost crying and trying to figure out a plan how to find the money because there was NO relative she could call for help because that's how selfish my relatives are. My grandmother and mother always help these relatives with whatever problem they have. My mum and grandmother always send money to relatives who need help and help with anything they need but the time I really needed help NONE of these relatives were there to be seen. All those years of helping people in the family and all they ever do is abandon us.

My grandmother paid her brother to go to university in the UK. Her brother became rich and total snob who looks down upon everyone in the family. He shows off how rich he is its fucking disgusting. If anyone asks him for help he will not help.

I don't even know anymore if I will be starting university because I am having problems getting a government student loan. I already spoke to the Student Finance England they explained even though my student loan from last year was cancelled my university didn't give them the correct paper work. I have given advice on what to do but still it's not guaranteed to work.

If I get told I can't take up my university place this year I will kill myself mentally being forced to defer a year has already broken me. Throughout the year I tried getting getting jobs to but employers constantly reject me. I am already consumed with bitterness. I hate my relatives so much especially my rich uncle who had the power to help.

I am 27 and I have nothing good in my life. No man, no career, no real world friends getting into that university was the only good thing I had in my life. Losing that I lose everything.

 

[who doesn't matter]

My situation is somewhat similar. I am about to lose my job, which is practically everything I have left. No hopes of getting a new one....so, I am royally screwed.

 

[devils~advocate]

Understandable. I felt this way while I was in college. I had the money and emotional support...but at the time I felt anything could put my plans off rail and ruin my life. So I worked hard...had no friends...no social life...no relationships (which might have made things worse), etc etc.
I made it thru and finished thinking the doors to life would open up for me. That if you worked hard, sacrificed, did without.....that things now should be good & work out for you.
Almost immediately afterwards though, I found out this is not the case. The world is not fair or just.....the world rewards nepotism, favoritism, cheaters, bias etc.
I had to see it first hand happening to not only myself but to others as well. Its depressing to see it happening while you are in it....and I knew after awhile that all that work, I wasn't going to get much in return. I got married thinking I could at least be normal like everyone else....it lasted for 5 years, only to have them leave for someone else. Then in a 2nd marriage to have that person cheat as well. Now the people who supported me the most, my family, are elderly and I fear losing them.

I guess the moral of the story is, that even if one makes it thru and attains a goal they wanted.....it doesnt mean it will all work out.
Its a constant gamble to keep things on track. Some seem to have it worked out...maybe money helps, or influence, etc
But I know now, that I don;t want to be a part of it anymore.

 

[who doesn't matter]

Understandable. I felt this way while I was in college. I had the money and emotional support...but at the time I felt anything could put my plans off rail and ruin my life. So I worked hard...had no friends...no social life...no relationships (which might have made things worse), etc etc.
I made it thru and finished thinking the doors to life would open up for me. That if you worked hard, sacrificed, did without.....that things now should be good & work out for you.
Almost immediately afterwards though, I found out this is not the case. The world is not fair or just.....the world rewards nepotism, favoritism, cheaters, bias etc.
I had to see it first hand happening to not only myself but to others as well. Its depressing to see it happening while you are in it....and I knew after awhile that all that work, I wasn't going to get much in return. I got married thinking I could at least be normal like everyone else....it lasted for 5 years, only to have them leave for someone else. Then in a 2nd marriage to have that person cheat as well. Now the people who supported me the most, my family, are elderly and I fear losing them.

I guess the moral of the story is, that even if one makes it thru and attains a goal they wanted.....it doesnt mean it will all work out.
Its a constant gamble to keep things on track. Some seem to have it worked out...maybe money helps, or influence, etc
But I know now, that I don;t want to be a part of it anymore.

This summarizes it all so perfectly

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Wait. In a post yesterday, I think, I thought you said you were going to wait until you reached your mid-thirties?? Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought that was you. Was it not?

 

[FireFox]

Wait. In a post yesterday, I think, I thought you said you were going to wait until you reached your mid-thirties?? Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought that was you. Was it not?

@locked*n*loaded The plan was kill myself when I turn 30 but now I am messed up situation where I am going to lose my university place through no fault of my own. The Student Finance and university messed up my masters degree funding applications due to constant disorganisation. Its not looking good.

Getting into that university was the ONLY good thing i had in my life. I am going to lose everything. I have invested so much into this

Last year was the worst year of my life everything throughout the year constantly kept going wrong for me starting from New Years Day. First I was stuck in a foreign country being forced to see selfish toxic user relatives who don't care me and just use everybody. I loved the pandemic because it was pure peace never seeing these people anymore. In my family's culture ( African) family is an enormous deal. My relatives get away with everything because the family weaponsies Christian forgiveness.

My dead grandfather was the only relative who cared about me and only person worth seeing in my parents home country. Being in my parents home country was the worst because everything in the country reminded me of him. I have been struggling to deal with the grief, he died 4 years ago during the pandemic. Since my teens I have hated family gatherings aboard and its impossible to get out of.

All I was looking forward too was going home and while the plane in mid air my flight got cancelled due to damage being detected in the plane.

I feel deeply in love with a 55 year old male work colleague he made me feel so special in a way no man has ever done. All my life guys my own age ignored me and treated me awfully it felt great having a man finally see me and be attentive to my needs. He constantly kept playing mind games with lying, two faced behaviour and mind games. When I was ready to move on from him after discovering he has been dishonest with me about his complex relationship status he began to change towards me and sabotaging me at work.

Long story short He humiliated me, he painted me to be an immature young woman besotted with an older man and our boss believed his lies over me. I was humiliated at work along and he was helped with the assistance of an older woman at work who I thought was my friend, she and him were gossiping about me.

I was struggling already in my job, I got a reputation for being a rebellious young woman because I honestly called out an entilted arsehole customer behaviour and refuse to put up with their behaviour. I was quite harsh in my honesty. The management at work constantly gave me a hard time over it this led to me getting fired for having poor customer service skills. My boss blamed me "bringing problems" and said how I bring "nothing to his team". My boss cruelly mocked my immaturity and threw insults about how immature I am.

I took responsibility for my mistakes and geniuenely wanted to be a good employee. .

This job was my first ever full time job since graduating university. I never got to show what I was good at I was known as that colleague who messed up all the time . I was the youngest in the department me being 25 and I am outspoken compared to my colleagues who were older and quiet. I struggled to fit in. I was nice to everyone at work even sending Christmas cards to the department and our boss and nobody said thank you.

My eating disorder got discovered by family after my mum opened my parcels discovering my diet pills. My grandmother confiscated all my laxatives and diet pills which cost me over £30. So many things in the year kept going wrong for me.

Nobody understands how much getting into that university meant to me. I see other women my age I grew up with now having a husband, kids and a career while I am constantly unsuccessful with men and still in love with an old man who hurt me and doesnt care about me, no career, I feel so far behind in life

I am a loser with nothing to show for my life. I am so tired of obstacle after obstacle and nothing ever going right. I can't take it anymore

 

[locked*n*loaded]

@locked*n*loaded The plan was kill myself when I turn 30 but now I am messed up situation where I am going to lose my university place through no fault of my own. The Student Finance and university messed up my masters degree funding applications due to constant disorganisation. Its not looking good.

Getting into that university was the ONLY good thing i had in my life. I am going to lose everything. I have invested so much into this

Last year was the worst year of my life everything throughout the year constantly kept going wrong for me starting from New Years Day. First I was stuck in a foreign country being forced to see selfish toxic user relatives who don't care me and just use everybody. I loved the pandemic because it was pure peace never seeing these people anymore. In my family's culture ( African) family is an enormous deal. My relatives get away with everything because the family weaponsies Christian forgiveness.

My dead grandfather was the only relative who cared about me and only person worth seeing in my parents home country. Being in my parents home country was the worst because everything in the country reminded me of him. I have been struggling to deal with the grief, he died 4 years ago during the pandemic. Since my teens I have hated family gatherings aboard and its impossible to get out of.

All I was looking forward too was going home and while the plane in mid air my flight got cancelled due to damage being detected in the plane.

I feel deeply in love with a 55 year old male work colleague he made me feel so special in a way no man has ever done. All my life guys my own age ignored me and treated me awfully it felt great having a man finally see me and be attentive to my needs. He constantly kept playing mind games with lying, two faced behaviour and mind games. When I was ready to move on from him after discovering he has been dishonest with me about his complex relationship status he began to change towards me and sabotaging me at work.

Long story short He humiliated me, he painted me to be an immature young woman besotted with an older man and our boss believed his lies over me. I was humiliated at work along and he was helped with the assistance of an older woman at work who I thought was my friend, she and him were gossiping about me.

I was struggling already in my job, I got a reputation for being a rebellious young woman because I honestly called out an entilted arsehole customer behaviour and refuse to put up with their behaviour. I was quite harsh in my honesty. The management at work constantly gave me a hard time over it this led to me getting fired for having poor customer service skills. My boss blamed me "bringing problems" and said how I bring "nothing to his team". My boss cruelly mocked my immaturity and threw insults about how immature I am.

I took responsibility for my mistakes and geniuenely wanted to be a good employee. .

This job was my first ever full time job since graduating university. I never got to show what I was good at I was known as that colleague who messed up all the time . I was the youngest in the department me being 25 and I am outspoken compared to my colleagues who were older and quiet. I struggled to fit in. I was nice to everyone at work even sending Christmas cards to the department and our boss and nobody said thank you.

My eating disorder got discovered by family after my mum opened my parcels discovering my diet pills. My grandmother confiscated all my laxatives and diet pills which cost me over £30. So many things in the year kept going wrong for me.

Nobody understands how much getting into that university meant to me. I see other women my age I grew up with now having a husband, kids and a career while I am constantly unsuccessful with men and still in love with an old man who hurt me and doesnt care about me, no career, I feel so far behind in life

I am a loser with nothing to show for my life. I am so tired of obstacle after obstacle and nothing ever going right. I can't take it anymore

I'm fairly familiar with your story. If you managed to get the university thing sorted out and fixed, would that change anything? 27 is not old. Honestly, there's plenty of time to finish your studies, and you may even find a new love of your life there at school. All kinds of people are waiting to settle down until in their 30s. It's kinda the norm now.

 

[FireFox]

I'm fairly familiar with your story. If you managed to get the university thing sorted out and fixed, would that change anything? 27 is not old. Honestly, there's plenty of time to finish your studies, and you may even find a new love of your life there at school. All kinds of people are waiting to settle down until in their 30s. It's kinda the norm now.

@locked*n*loaded

I love that man so much, i feel like this heartbreak will never go away, I feel like I will never meet another man like him who noticed me and showed me attention the way he did . All my life I have had the confidence to talk to guys my age i actually liked and showed genuine interest in the things they like but still none of them ever wanted to know me. All I ever been is that girl now woman who never gets picked, its been confidence damaging.

Guys my own age can't see infront of them woman who genuinely wants to be them, the woman who genuinely appreciates aspects of their personality instead just chase another a woman. I have never been a man's number 1 choice.

I didn't care he had grey hairs and when he came to work with 4 front teeth missing I was still attracted to him. He knew my true feelings and he constantly kept playing mind games and just lying. He messed me up so badly. I still love him

I remember the good times before it went wrong.

I have gone through so much choas last year I have lost the ability to look forward to anything because whenever I looked forward to anything last year at the last minute it got taken away. I had so much bad luck last year sometimes I can't believe it happened to me. The situations I found myself where so messed up at one point I thought I was imaging things because I couldn't believe the bullshit.

NEVER in my life i have had that amount of bad luck now I am superstitious because of everything that happened to me. I never used to believe in bad luck